


and so this is Christmas

by callistawolf



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - A Christmas Carol Fusion, Alternate Universe - It's a Wonderful Life Fusion, Alternative Universe - No Island, Angels, Cheating, Christmas, Depression, Drunk Driving, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fallen Angels, Felicity Smoak is an Angel, Guardian Angels, Oliver Queen Being an Asshole, Past Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, bad behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-11 06:35:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12929577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callistawolf/pseuds/callistawolf
Summary: Oliver Queen is not living his best life. All of his friends and family are disappointed in him, he's lost his job, he's lost his fiancee and he's lost his own self respect. Is there anything or anyone who can bring him back from the literal edge? Will a fateful Christmas Eve meeting change everything for him or just send him spiraling further down?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is young, entitled and selfish... and his life is spiraling out of control, with everything coming to a head on Christmas Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! This is my annual Christmas fic. This one isn't like the others I've done... it's much darker in tone, especially to start with. Oliver isn't a good guy (think pre-island Ollie, but perhaps even worse). There's some reasons for it, that we'll see more of as this story progresses. But he's self-destructing and that's going to lead a very humbling realization for him. I know he's awful in this chapter and there's no Felicity (yet), but if you hang in there with me, hopefully I'll make it worth it in the end. ;) 
> 
> There's nothing terribly dark this chapter (outside of Oliver's awful behavior) but beware that next chapter deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. If you are familiar with the movies "It's a Wonderful Life" and the story "A Christmas Carol", then you can probably guess what comes next. If not... well, enjoy the ride. :)

“Will I see you at Verdant later?” Oliver Queen asked, letting his voice get low and gravely. The girl, Tina or Tanya or whatever her name was, giggled on the other end of the phone line.

“I don’t know if I can get away from my family. It’s Christmas Eve, Ollie.”

He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking. “C’mon, I’ll make it worth your while.” 

“What if your fiancee is there,” Tina or Tanya said, her voice full of pout. 

“So what? What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Oliver liked the audacity of what he was saying but the fact was, he wasn’t expecting Laurel anywhere near Verdant tonight. As Tina/Tanya had said, it was Christmas Eve and she had a thing with her family. Which was why he needed to look else where to get laid. Well, that and he rather liked the illicitness. 

“I don’t know…”

“If I don’t see you tonight, how can I give you your Christmas present?” Oliver asked, thinking on the fly. He didn’t have a present for Tina or Tanya or whatever her name was… but that’s what he an assistant for, right?

“A present?” A giggle rang in his ear. “You got me a present? Oooh, Ollie, what is it? Is it shiny? Sparkly? Is it _gold_?” 

Oliver sat up and smirked as he jotted down a quick note on a post-it. These women were all the same. Dangle a little bling in front of them and they’d do whatever you asked. He was under no delusion that these women weren’t 99% interested in his money and influence. Which was why he didn’t feel bad using it to get in their pants. 

“You’ll have to come to Verdant and see,” he replied with a purr. 

Tina or Tanya finally gave in and agreed to see him at the club later that night. He might not be able to remember her name, but he sure remembered her legs. And her ass. And her tits. And that fire-engine red hair she had. Not natural, of course, but who cared when she was squeezing his dick so hard he saw stars? Not him, that’s for sure. 

Oliver had just hung up the call when his assistant knocked on the door to his office and stepped inside. She was a mousy little thing, dark brown hair, pudgy and she always wore dowdy clothes. He would have rather had a more… fetching assistant but this one had been assigned to him when he’d gotten the promotion to VP of Marketing last year and he hadn’t had much say. 

“Yes, Ms. Harding?” he said. 

“Your father’s office just called, he’s requested to see you right away,” she told him, her voice as small and mousy as her appearance. 

Oliver fought a grimace. His dad never wanted to talk to him when it was good news. God only knew what he’d be lectured about _this_ time. “Fine. Uhm, hey, can you handle this for me?” he asked, holding up the post-it. 

Ms. Harding took it, her brow wrinkling as she read what he’d written. “You need… an emerald necklace?”

“Yes. Gold. Can you have that taken care of while I go see my father?” 

“Yes, but that’s… not really… my… yes, I can do this for you,” she stuttered as he fixed her with one of his intense stares that women told him turned their willpower to mush.

Oliver gave her a charming smile. “Thank you. I’ll be back later. Maybe after lunch.” 

“M-mister Queen?” she said suddenly as he walked to the door of his office. He turned to face her and her cheeks colored. “I-is it okay if I left a little early today? It’s Christmas Eve and my family…”

Why was everyone acting like Christmas Eve was some sacred day? First, Tina/Tanya nearly turned him down over it and now his assistant wanted to leave early? His work ethic was hardly sterling but that didn’t mean he thought everyone should just get a pass just because it was the day before a major holiday.

“It’s not a holiday, is it?” he asked her, voicing his thoughts. 

“I mean, not according to Queen Consolidated policy… it’s a flex day. But some of the bosses are letting people leave after lunch and it is sorta considered a holiday to some…” She trailed off when he stared at her again, hard this time. 

“I think if I have to be here, you should have to be here. Don’t you?” he asked her. “That’s only fair.”

Her plump cheeks turned redder. “Yes, sir.”

He tapped the post-it in her hand. “See to that by the time I get back,” he told her. 

She mumbled another “yes, sir” and Oliver strode to the elevator that would take him up to his father’s office on the top floor. A niggling thought ate at him while he ascended the floors, that he was being too hard on Ms. Harding. It wasn’t like Oliver wanted to be here himself, but his father demanded he spend a minimum of three days in the office and as Oliver sure didn’t plan to be in the rest of the week… he was getting that little requirement out of the way now. No, he didn’t need his assistant in order to do his job. Mostly all he did was fool around on the phone and on his computer anyhow. 

But getting called to his father’s office like some third grader getting called to the principal’s office made him feel a little peevish. 

As soon as Oliver stepped out of the elevator, his father’s assistant spotted him. “Mr. Queen! Your fa— Mr. Queen is expecting you. Go right in,” she said, gesturing towards his father’s office door. 

Oliver gave her a nod and a wink as he pushed the door open. 

His father’s office was easily twice the size of his, with floor to ceiling windows that overlooked Starling City. The city looked bleak today, a thick blanket of leaden clouds covering the sky. It’d been drizzling when he’d gotten to the office that morning and it looked like the weather was still doing the same fitful thing now, hours later. It was nearly cold enough to snow, but for whatever reason, hadn’t yet. 

The office itself was decorated tastefully, if a bit old fashioned in Oliver’s opinion. The desk was large and made of dark wood, matching the dark wood shelves that stretched the wall behind where his father sat, reading over some papers. Everything was leather and wood and elegance. It also hadn’t been redecorated since Oliver was a young boy, which he felt said something. 

“You wanted to see me?” he said, approaching his father’s desk. 

Robert Queen looked up. His father was a bear of a man, something Oliver himself took after. He was large and physically imposing, with sharp blue eyes that could cut through any employee. His blonde hair and beard were shot through with grey, giving him a regal, wizened look. 

“Yes… Oliver… please have a seat.” He gestured at the leather chairs arranged before his desk. Oliver picked one and sat down. 

“What’d you want to see me about?” Oliver asked, sticking a finger down his collar and pulling a little in an effort to loosen his tie. “Did mom want you to remind me to bring pie to dinner tomorrow or something?”

“No… that’s not what this is about.” His father sat back and sighed. Oliver noticed the lines around his eyes and mouth. His father was looking old lately… older than Oliver felt comfortable acknowledging. “I need to talk to you about QC business, actually.”

Oliver felt his shoulders slump. Definitely not his favorite topic. “What about? I’ve been here three days a week, just like you asked. Even though today is a holiday.” He tried not to remember telling his assistant that it wasn’t a holiday, just to manipulate her into finishing the work day with him. 

“What about last week’s manager’s meeting?” his father asked. 

He winced. “I didn’t mean to miss it. I just… got distracted.”

“Yes, with one of our HR reps.”

Ah yes. Sally. She’d given _amazing_ head and he’d come so hard that he’d nearly forgotten his name. The woman had some serious skills. Honestly, she should be promoted.

“You’ve made exactly _one_ manager’s meeting in the last three months. You’ve made zero board meetings. We’ve had numerous complaints filed against you from female staffers…” Robert paused and passed a hand over his face. “Oliver, this can’t go on. I brought you on here, hoping to groom you to take over as CEO so I could retire someday. I’m getting older and your mother and I would like to do some traveling before we’re too old. But right now? I can’t even trust you to head up Marketing.”

“What are you saying?” Oliver said, feeling irritated at the guilt that began to gnaw at him. 

“I’m saying that I’m putting you on leave, effective immediately. We’ll be searching for someone new to take your position.”

Oliver’s mouth fell open as he stared at his father. “I’m _fired_?”

“Not technically, no. It would look bad for publicity, but we are going to reorganize and see if there isn’t a better place. In the meantime, you have three months off to get yourself together. Once and for all.”

“That sounds like a threat.”

“Because it is one. Son, I love you, but we’ve let you get away with this irresponsible lifestyle for too long now. Your mother and I are at our wits end. We’ve been hoping that your relationship and engagement to Laurel Lance would encourage you to settle down but if anything, it’s made you worse. You’re in the tabloids constantly, you’ve been arrested more times than I can count and I don’t know where the end is. You’re nearly thirty years old, son. Its time you grew up and became a man.”

“So firing me is going to encourage that?” Oliver spat, feeling sullen. It’s not that he liked his job… far from it. But he saw what this was… a demotion and a humiliating one at that. 

“I can’t allow your performance to negatively impact the company, Oliver,” his father said. “And it is. There’s other people’s lives and jobs at stake here. I’m hoping you’ll take this time to get your head on straight. I would love for you to return in three months, ready to take on responsibility and be the man I know you can be.”

“This is bullshit,” he grumbled, pushing to his feet. 

“Oliver… please. Don’t make this harder than it has to be…” His father got to his feet as well. 

“No, screw you. You and mom both. Screw this whole company! I hate QC. This is bullshit!” He stalked to the office door. With his hand on the knob he turned to face his father who was watching him, a stricken expression on his face. “At least now I’ll have more time to do what I want.”

The sound of the door slamming behind him satisfied a small part of his soul as he stalked to the elevators. Looks like he was getting an early start on his Christmas holiday after all. 

***

Since he found himself with all kinds of extra time now, Oliver called Tina or Tanya to tell her he could meet her earlier in the day. Tammy (her actual name; he was _way_ off) was gleeful and arranged to meet hm at Verdant at 3pm. The staff would be there, preparing for opening. Oliver still held a stake in the nightclub, even though his best friend Tommy handled most of the day to day management. Still, Oliver had an open invitation to pop in whenever he wanted. And yeah, that included for secret hookups as well. There was no better place to hide his extracurriculars since Laurel rarely stopped by to visit these days. 

Or at least carrying out his affairs had never been a problem for his best friend in the past. But when Oliver walked into Verdant just before 3 o’clock, Tommy looked up from the bar, where he was doing inventory, and groaned. 

“Don’t tell me, you’re here to hide another dirty little secret,” his best friend said, fixing him with a hard look. Oliver gave him a charming grin in reply. 

“You know me. How’s business?”

“Booming. But I’m wishing I’d decided to keep the club closed tonight.”

Oliver leaned against the bar. “Gimme a beer. And why? You’ll make money hand over fist tonight.”

“It’s Christmas,” Tommy said, as if that explained everything. Why was everyone all about Christmas today? “People should be at home with their families. Especially my staff.”

“So close early. Best of both worlds. You get to make a bundle of cash and your staff gets time off. Win win.” He accepted the bottle Tommy passed to him and took a large swig. 

“Yeah, but early is like midnight instead of 3am,” Tommy said. “That’s not really helping things.” He sighed and ran a hand over his head. “Ah well. I should never have listened to you when you said I should keep it open tonight. But, the decision is made, I guess. And don’t think I’m ignoring you using my club to hide your indiscretions, buddy.” 

“Our club,” Oliver corrected him. “I own 49% of this place.”

“But I’m the one here, night after night, working my ass off,” Tommy grumbled. “So it’s my club.”

“Why are you acting like this? Why do you care what I do?”

“She’s my friend too. I don’t like seeing you keep doing this to her.”

“She doesn’t even know. It’s not even hurting her.”

“Yet. She doesn’t know _yet_. Laurel is a smart woman, Ollie. She’ll figure it out. Plus, she remembers how you were back in high school and college. I remember how upset all that cheating made her then and you two were only dating. You’re _engaged_ now.”

Oliver shrugged but the irritation remained. Shit, he was getting lectured by his best friend now too? Since when had today become ‘dump on Ollie day’? “You don’t need to remind me.”

“Knock, knock!” a breathy voice called out, echoing through the empty club. 

Both men turned to see a brunette in a skimpy dress lingering by the door. She smiled at both of them, batting her long, black eyelashes. 

“Hope I’m not interrupting?”

“Not at all, Tammy,” Oliver said, walking over to her. He looked over his shoulder at Tommy. “Okay if I use your office for a little while?”

His friend looked unhappy with the idea but he waved them both off, picking his clipboard back up to return to his inventory. “Go nuts. Just clean up after yourselves.”

Tommy’s disgust was clear but Oliver wasn’t going to let that damper his time with the lovely Miss Tammy. He took her by the hand and lead her up the stairs and down the staff hallway to the office, which had windows that overlooked the club floor below. Oliver closed the blinds while Tammy situated herself on the sofa. 

“Do you want a drink?” he asked her. 

“No… I have to drive home later,” she replied. Then, she whipped her teeny tiny tight dress off of her body and tossed it aside, leaving her completely nude except for her platform heels. She reclined, giving him quite a bit to stare at. Oliver stood there, impressed and aroused. Still, he needed to maintain some level of “game” here. 

“What about your present?” He arched a brow at her. 

“Later.” She crooked a finger at him. “Come and get it, big boy.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. 

Five minutes later, Oliver remembered why he’d kept Tammy’s number in his phone. He’d moved her to the desk, bent her over the surface, so that he could slam into her the way he liked. She was incredible, writhing and moaning and generally acting like his dick was the best thing she’d ever had in her pussy. Regardless of whether it was an act or not, his ego sure enjoyed it. 

His favorite was when she screamed his name and praised his dick for being so big.

He was enjoying Tammy so much that he didn’t notice the office door opening. Nor did he hear the stunned gasp that followed, nor the sound of his name being called out. At least, he didn’t hear the first time their audience said it. He did hear the second time, however. 

“Ollie!” 

Laurel’s voice cut through the fog of lust currently residing in his brain and he looked towards the office door, his fingers still digging into Tammy’s ample hips as he pistoned into her from behind as she was bent over Tommy’s desk. 

“Shit,” he cursed, immediately pulling out and yanking his pants, which had pooled on the floor around his ankles, up to cover himself. Tammy was a bit slower to cover herself, still disoriented. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” his fiancee demanded, her hands fisted on her hips. Laurel’s hazel eyes snapped with angry fire as she glared at him. 

“Laurel… I— What are you doing here?” he asked, having no lame excuse to reach for because it was pitifully obvious what he’d just been doing. 

“Ollie?” Tammy asked. He glanced over to see she’d pulled her dress back on and she was lingering, waiting for… something. Her present maybe? He didn’t have a clue but right then, he could _not_ deal with her and an angry girlfriend.

“You better go,” he told her, as gently as he could manage. Which, judging from the crestfallen expression on her face, wasn’t nearly as gentle as he could have been. 

She straightened her spine, which caused her breasts to jut out. “Fine then. I’m going. Don’t call me again, Ollie.”

Tammy stalked out, her ass bouncing, slamming the office door behind her. Oliver winced. 

“Is she the only one? Or is this high school and college all over again?” Laurel demanded. 

Oliver rubbed the back of his neck. “Laurel… I— I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“You know, I came here because your mother called me. She told me that you lost your job at QC and thought you might be upset and that I could help cheer you up. I figured you’d come here to have a drink, talk with Tommy. Until five minutes ago, I felt _sorry_ for you.”

Oliver stayed quiet. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t dig him deeper into this hole. He realized something, however. He was more upset at having been caught than he was at having hurt her. Somehow, that made him feel worse, because even he could see that was a shitty way to feel about someone he was supposed to love.

“Do you have nothing to say for yourself?? What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“I just… I’m not cut out for this, Laurel.” It was probably the truest thing he’d said in a long time.

“Cut out for what?? Being a decent human being??”

“For _this_. A career, marriage… these are things you and my parents want, have been pushing on me. And that’s just _not me_ ,” he argued, feeling his own ire rising. 

“You’re saying that justifies cheating on me with a bimbo like that? And god knows how many others?”

“No! Yes! I don’t know, Laurel. All I know is that I didn’t feel bad about doing it. And I still don’t feel bad. What does that say?”

“That says you don’t have a soul, Ollie.”

Her words hurt, like arrows fired directed right at his heart. Was that true? Did he not have a soul? Is that why he couldn’t love Laurel, couldn’t care about his family’s company? 

“Maybe I don’t,” he said quietly, turning away. 

“We’re done, Ollie. This is it. I can’t do this with you anymore. I’ve spent way too much of my life waiting for you to grow up, trying to ignore your flaws. I wanted to believe there was a better man in there somewhere, but I think I finally got my answer today. There isn’t.”

She walked up behind him and set something on the desk. He looked down to see the engagement ring that his mother had told him to take out of the family vault to propose to her with. He felt nothing, seeing it sit there, sparkling dully in the subdued light from the office windows. 

“Look at me, Ollie.”

With a sigh, he turned back around. Laurel stood before him, her eyes swimming with tears. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he told her honestly. 

“Something! Anything! You and I have been in each other’s lives since we were children… we’ve dated on and off since we were sixteen years old. I’m about to walk out that door and that’s it. I’m gone.”

“Laurel… I’m sorry.”

She searched his eyes and then shook her head. “I don’t believe you. You know, I thought time would make you realize you needed to grow up. But I have a clearer picture now. You’ll never have your life together and I’ve been a fool to expect that you ever would.”

Laurel turned and walked out of the office, slamming the door behind her. Oliver stared at the door for a long moment, listening to the clack of her heels on the stairs down into the club. Then, he sighed and turned, pocketing the ring. That was that. 

What did it say that he felt more relief that the engagement was off than anything else? 

***

Tommy was absolutely unsurprised when Oliver came down into the club and told him what had happened with Tammy and Laurel. Honestly, if Oliver didn’t know that it was his mother that had sent Laurel to find him, he might have thought that Tommy called her up, just to have her catch him in the act. He knew his best friend had a crush on her, he had since high school. 

Tommy sent out one of the waitresses to pick up some Big Belly Burger and they ate it at the bar just before the club opened. They didn’t talk about Laurel or about his job, thankfully. Oliver needed some time where someone wasn’t lecturing him about what a fucking disappointment he was. 

Instead, they talked about sports and the club. Very safe topics, those. They even discussed Christmas plans. 

“I’m spending tomorrow at my parents’ place, as usual,” Oliver said. “Thea is really jazzed to have me there, I guess it’s been a while since I’ve been over for Sunday dinner.”

“I miss Thea. I haven’t seen her in ages. How’s she liking college?” 

Oliver’s little sister, who was ten years younger than him, had just finished her first semester of college. Thea used to chase them around when they were all younger, causing him and Tommy to call her “Speedy”, which she always hated (which always made them call her that even _more_ ). It was strange for him, for _both_ of them, to think of her as an adult now. She was home for the holidays and had been bugging Oliver to spend more time at the mansion so they could hang out and maybe have a movie marathon like they used to, years ago. 

“She says its so much better than high school, whatever that means,” Oliver said, finishing off his last french fry. 

Tommy snorted. “Considering how you blew off college, I’m not surprised you don’t get what she means.”

“Hey!”

“I get it though. I felt the same thing. High school felt so pointless but college… it all started to make sense. After that first, drunken semester, of course.”

“Of course.” Tommy had definitely taken college more seriously than Oliver had. While he’d been busy getting kicked out of multiple Ivy League schools, his friend had actually buckled down and gotten his degree legitimately. Rather than the “my parents bought a new wing for the business school” degree that Oliver eventually received. 

It wasn’t long until the club opened, letting in crowds of young people looking to party and hook up. Oliver was ready to be one of them, parking himself in the VIP section. He didn’t dance, he didn’t even mingle very much this time. What he did do was drink. A lot. 

Thea texted him a couple times, asking him to come over the mansion that night so they could wake up Christmas morning like they used to. But he couldn’t bear to be under the same roof as his parents’ judgmental stares. If they didn’t already know that Laurel had broken things off with him, they’d soon find out and that combined with the whole job mess… Oliver just wanted to forget it all. So he embraced the oblivion that vodka provided for him. 

At one point, Tommy took a break from his duties to stop by his table. He hoped his friend would be joining him but instead, he was there to try to get him to slow down. 

“Hey, buddy. How many is that?” he asked, gesturing at Oliver’s glass. 

“Fourth? Fifth? I dunno,” Oliver said, his words slurring slightly. 

“Maybe its time to switch to water? Or I can get you some coffee…”

Oliver gave him a look. “Why would I want to do that? I’m just getting started.” He grinned at the waitress who brought him a new glass. 

Tommy stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Please don’t bring him any more.”

“What the hell, Tommy? When did you become my dad?” he grumbled, taking a healthy swig of his drink. 

“When you stopped giving a shit about yourself, apparently,” Tommy replied. “C’mon, buddy. Let me call you a cab or something. Go on home to your family.”

“That’s the _last_ place I want to be right now.”

“Maybe so, but it’s where you belong. It’s Christmas. Please, Ollie, let me help you out here.”

Tommy set a hand on his shoulder and Oliver shrugged it off, turning a glare on his friend. “What happened to you? You used to be fun.” Oliver spat the words, then downed the rest of his drink. He gestured to another waitress to bring him another. 

“I grew up, Ollie. We’re not kids anymore, I had responsibilities.”

“Really? Sounds awful.” 

The other waitress brought another drink over and Tommy took it from her before she could hand it to Oliver. He lurched to his feet, trying to ignore how the room swam and tipped as he gained his feet. 

“Give me that,” he growled. 

Tommy held the drink out of his reach. “No, Ollie. I’m doing you a favor and cutting you off.”

Oliver lunged for the drink but Tommy easily evaded him. He overcorrected with his balance and stumbled, knocking into a couple who was standing nearby. He slurred out a “sorry” before turning to glare again at his friend. 

“You might be boring and responsible now, but I’m not. If you won’t serve me, I’ll go someplace that will.”

“Ollie…” Tommy started towards him and Oliver stumbled away, out of the VIP section and towards the doors. 

He ignored the small commotion behind him as he pushed out into the gathering dark. It was still spitting freezing rain, not quite snow yet, and the evening was bitter cold but it felt like bliss on his overheated skin. Oliver found his car where he’d left it earlier, parked near the side entrance. He fumbled in his pockets for his keys, finding them at last and slumping into the driver’s seat. He pressed the button for the ignition and the sports car roared to life. 

The road before him swam in his vision and he wasn’t sure if it was the vodka or the weather or something else but he blinked and rubbed his eyes and then drove off from the Verdant parking lot. 

The drive was a literal blur. Oliver had a brief moment where he thought that he should have taken a cab like Tommy suggested because he really wasn’t fit to be behind the wheel. But the roads were mostly empty; everyone was at home with their families for Christmas. And he thought he could make it to his penthouse apartment downtown. It was only a few blocks away… 

Something happened. 

Hours… days… weeks… months… _years_ later he couldn’t have said what he was doing, where he thought he was going, what was going through his _mind_ the instant his car slammed into the side of a sedan at the intersection just before the West River Bridge. 

The next thing Oliver Queen was aware of, however, was the deafening sound of screeching metal, the burning smell of rubber, and the fine rain of broken glass as it rained over his face, arms and body. The world spun around and he didn’t realize it was his _car_ spinning around until suddenly he lurched to a stop, steam and smoke pouring out of the hood of his car, his headlights focused on the twisted wreckage of the car across the intersection. 

Shouting. 

He heard people shouting but it was like hearing it from underneath the water. Cold air blew across his face, but he felt a burning at his temple as he blinked his eyes, trying to take in the scene. People were rushing to his car and to the car he’d hit. Several of them had their phones out. 

“Call 911!” someone near the other car shouted. “This person’s hurt pretty bad!”

Oliver groaned, trying to sit up. Why was he laying down? A hand pressed against his shoulder, keeping him in place. 

“Stay there, mister. You could be hurt. The ambulance is coming, they’ll check you out.”

“Wha—“

“You were in an accident. I think you’re going to be okay though.”

“The other—?” He looked across the road to the other vehicle. The group of people surrounding it had grown. An awful feeling gathered in the pit of his stomach. 

The guy who was standing next to his car looked over there, a worried, pinched expression on his face. “They’re hurt.”

His vision swam once more and darkness threatened to close in. Realizing what he’d done… how he was responsible for this… Oliver embraced that darkness and let it pull him under, if only for the moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't lost you! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver feels the full weight of what he's done. Is it too late for him to be a better man?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this story, giving it a chance. I know that first chapter was rough but enough of you replied to me saying you loved it, that you were excited to see what comes next. That makes me so happy. I hope you enjoy this chapter, which should answer some things. 
> 
> In the meantime, happy day-after-the-reception for fandom! That was a beautiful moment for our ship and I think I might just live in those reception scenes for the rest of eternity.

“Where’s my son!”

Oliver heard the voice of his mother, sharpened with fear and concern, just outside of the curtained area he’d been told to stay in. He sat on the hospital bed, holding an ice pack to his head, but otherwise doing okay. Besides the laceration on his temple, there were some small cuts on his face and hands and some bruising on his chest from the seatbelt. He’d escaped major injury, unlike the person driving the car he’d broadsided. 

“Right this way, Mrs. Queen,” a patient voice replied. 

A moment later, the curtain was pulled aside and there stood Moira and Robert Queen, their faces lined with worry. Oliver shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable as they both rushed forward. His mother reached him first, pulling him into a hug as she stood next to the hospital bed he sat upon. 

“Oh, honey! Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened??” she demanded. 

The nurse shut the curtain, giving them a little privacy and Oliver looked over his mother’s shoulder and noticed his father standing to the side, watching them. His expression was unreadable. 

“I’m fine, Mom. Just a scratch,” Oliver assured her, feeling a little sheepish. The burn of alcohol had faded from his bloodstream considerably, making him feel a bit woozy but his head was, unfortunately, rather clear at the moment. 

“What _happened_?” she asked again. 

“I… got in an accident. I—“ Oliver trailed off, unsure how to finish the conversation. 

His father finished it for him. 

“You were drunk. And you decided to drive yourself home.”

“Robert?” Moira turned to her husband, her brow furrowed. 

“The doctor we spoke to when we got here told me, while you were in the restroom, told me what had happened,” he answered. “Oliver’s blood alcohol when the ambulance arrived was 0.13%, well over the legal limit for a DUI.”

Oliver hung his head, the shame washing over him. “I-I didn’t think. I’m sorry…”

“What were you thinking?” his mother wanted to know. “Why didn’t you take a cab??”

“I was mad at Tommy and I did a stupid thing. The other driver…? Are they…?”

“Would you like me to go find out for you, son?” his father asked. His expression was grave, but his eyes were gentler. 

“Could you?” Oliver needed this sick pit in his stomach to go away.

“I’ll be right back.”

His father left, leaving him with his mother. She hugged him again, smoothing back his hair. Then, she took the ice pack from him and pressed it gently against his bandaged temple. 

“Where’s Thea?” he asked. 

“Back at home. She knows what happened though. She wanted to come but we thought it best she stay home. You can see her when we bring you home later.”

“I don’t want her to worry,” Oliver mumbled. Thea should be watching stupid Christmas movies and eating her way through a package of candy canes, not worrying about his dumb ass. 

“I heard about Laurel,” she said. 

Oliver winced. “Mom, I don’t really want to talk about that right now.”

“I’m sure you don’t but—“

“But I just… _please_.”

His father returned then, looking more grim than he had when he’d left, if possible. “I spoke to a nurse. She said the other driver, a young man, is in surgery right now. The accident crushed his leg, punctured a lung and he has a broken bone or two in his arm.”

“But he’s going to live?” Oliver asked. 

Robert nodded. “Yes, he’ll live. Now, since this was a DUI, I have to work fast to keep you out of jail, son.”

Oliver waited for the feeling of relief at his father’s words to wash over him, but it never came. He swallowed. “What will you have to do?”

“Donate to the police, offer a settlement to the driver,” Robert said, sighing. “It’s as much to protect QC and our falling stock prices right now than it is to protect you. Honestly, I wonder if some time in jail might not help you wise up.”

“Robert!” Moira cried, shocked. 

“It’s true,” he told his wife. “First QC, then Laurel, now this? Our son is spiraling out of control, Moira. This is the last time we can bail him out.”

His mother looked at his father for a long moment before nodding her head sadly. “Yes, I know.”

Oliver felt horrible. 

“Son, we love you,” Robert said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I think we’ve been too easy with you and that’s maybe why you’re this way now. That’s our fault. But its time you took responsibility for your own life. You could have killed someone tonight. You could have killed yourself. I don’t know all the details on why Laurel called off the engagement, but I know enough to know you sabotaged that relationship, whether you’ll admit it or not. Between that and your performance at QC, I can tell you’re throwing your life away.”

The rock inside Oliver’s gut seemed to grow. 

“Please, we’re just asking that you be more careful. Life is a precious gift, Oliver.” His mother smiled at him, kindly but there were tears shimmering in her eyes. 

His mother should be at home, drinking egg nog with Thea while they watch “A Christmas Story” for the 500 th time. His father should be teasing that he forgot to buy them presents. Raisa should be serving everyone cookies and fudge and telling them she saw a reindeer out on the back lawn with that familiar twinkle in her eye. They shouldn’t be here, in the emergency room of Starling General, worrying over _him_. 

Oliver’s dread grew as his parents hugged him and left. They told him that his driver and sometimes bodyguard, John Diggle, was out front waiting for when the nurse came with the release papers for him to sign. He’d bring him to his apartment or wherever he wanted to go. His mother asked that he come home to the mansion though. Oliver’s heart twisted as he saw her wipe tears from her eyes as his father led her away. 

He’d done this to them. He’d ruined their Christmas by being the fuckup that he always was. No… worse. He’d been far worse. With the all the antics he’d gotten up to over the years, he’d never endangered someone’s life like that. Well, other than his own. The reality of everything was closing in on him, the fact that he’d sabotaged every area of his life until all that was left was smoking ruins… Did he even _deserve_ to have another chance? 

As the nurse brought him his release forms and he signed his name, Oliver’s dread grew and grew until the pit in his stomach threatened to poison the rest of him with the bitterness of his own rotten failure. 

His mother was right. Life was a gift, and right now, Oliver Queen was sure he didn’t deserve it. 

***

John Diggle was waiting next to the Bentley when Oliver walked out of the doors of Starling General ten minutes later. The other man gave nothing away, his expression stoic as he stood next to the back door, waiting patiently. Oliver wondered, suddenly, if John had to leave his family on Christmas to come escort him. That thought only made him feel worse. 

“Good evening, Mr. Queen,” Mr. Diggle greeted him, opening the rear door. 

“Hey, John. Sorry for dragging you out here,” Oliver said, climbing into the back seat. The door snapped closed behind him and a moment later, John got behind the wheel. 

“It’s no problem, Mr. Queen.”

“Please, call me Oliver.”

“If I call you Oliver, can I give you some advice?”

Oliver wasn’t sure he was up to any more advice today. His head was throbbing as the alcohol he’d drunk earlier wore off. His mood was worsening by the moment, the despair creeping in on him in a way it never had before. 

“Go ahead,” he mumbled, leaning his head against the back of the seat. 

“It’s Christmas. You should go home, be with your family. From what I hear, you had a rough day, but that’s all it is. A day. Tomorrow is a new one.”

Oliver wanted desperately to believe what his driver was telling him. He wanted to wake up in the morning, feeling that the awfulness was behind him and his whole life and all the promise that came with it, was stretched out before him. 

The problem with that was he no longer believed his life held any promise. He’d been petulant about working at Queen Consolidated, complaining to anyone who would listen how he didn’t like being forced into this management position and groomed to be CEO one day. He would tell Tommy all the time that he was being forced into a career he didn’t want but the truth was… he _did_ want it. It was his family’s legacy. What he was, however, was _scared_ of it. QC had been in his family for generations and now it was going to be entrusted to him? The pressure of that was overwhelming, so he’d acted out. Like some sort of overtired toddler in need of a nap. 

God, what a disgrace. 

But admitting all this to himself now, in the back of this luxury car, felt like unlocking a door that had been stubbornly shut to him for so long. And for good reason. He’d sabotaged his own success, just like his father had suggested he’d done with Laurel. 

_Laurel_. They’d been dating, off and on, since they were sixteen and had been friends even longer than that. He’d hurt her tonight, but the truth was he’d been hurting her all along, each time he’d hooked up with some nameless woman at QC or at the club or anywhere else he could find them. Shame washed over him as he realized that he’d sabotaged that relationship but not because it was something he wanted, like with QC.

No, he hadn’t been in love with Laurel. Not for years now. But how do you tell someone that? Laurel always said they were soulmates, that they were destined to end up together, that they were _meant to be_. Oliver just didn’t feel that. But he hadn’t been brave enough to just tell her how he felt. Instead, he’d let her steer their relationship. When she’d begun hinting about getting married, his mother had shown him to the ring in the vault and that had been that. It’d been all too easy to propose to her that night under the stars. Just hours after he’d screwed one of the new maids in the pantry, no less. 

Disgust nearly overwhelmed him. 

“John, can you pull over?” Oliver asked suddenly. 

Mr. Diggle pulled the Bentley to the side of the road and peered at him in the rear view mirror. “Do you need something, sir?” he asked. 

“I need to get out,” he blurted, reaching for the door. 

Oliver lurched to the sidewalk right as John came around the trunk of the car, looking concerned. “Are you feeling ill, Oliver?” 

Oliver leaned over a cold stone railing, feeling the cold wind whipping at his face. “No,” he said, at last. “I just… I need air. I need to… think.” He looked around and realized where he was. The fucking West River Bridge. In fact, looking into the street he could see the glitter of broken glass from the earlier accident still there. At least he knew his apartment was close by. 

“Sir… if you’ll get back in the car, I can get you to the mansion in no time.”

Oliver held up a hand, warding the other man off. “I think I’ll walk to the penthouse. It’s not far from here.”

“Oliver, don’t you think you should go be with your family tonight?” 

“John, trust me, the last thing my family needs is _me_.”

“Oliver, man, I can’t leave you here alone.”

“Please!” He met the other man’s eyes, tried to convey his need as much as he could through his expression. “I have my phone, if I need you or anyone, I’ll call. Just… I need some time alone right now.”

John looked conflicted but he finally nodded and backed up. “Okay, if you’re sure. But if you need anything or have any trouble you call me right away, you promise?” 

Oliver nodded. “I promise.”

He watched as his driver got back into the car and pulled away from the curb. Eventually, his tail lights vanished from view as he turned a corner, leaving Oliver alone at the bridge. 

The street was empty… it was getting late. The sky had stopped spitting that freezing rain, but there was a sort of tension hanging in the air, the clouds heavy and low and bright against the glow of the city. Christmas lights shone in the distance. He’d gotten what he wanted; he was alone. 

Oliver stood on the bridge, looking out at the black, churning water that rushed by beneath him. Every now and then, he spotted a white cap. The river was fed from the mountains. They’d had fresh snowfall recently, so the banks of the river were swelling with melted snow and rain. And the water had to be _damned_ cold. 

He stared at it for a few long, lonely minutes. He thought about the driver he’d nearly killed tonight because he was reckless and foolish and stubborn and drunk. Tommy had tried to get him to call a cab. But Oliver hadn’t wanted to do what Tommy wanted. He’d been caught up in his own self pity about QC and Laurel and himself that he’d pushed his best friend away. He’d sabotaged that friendship as well, he realized.

And an innocent person had nearly died because of it. On Christmas Eve, no less. Had the man been driving home to be with his family? How had they felt, receiving the phone call telling them he’d been in an accident and was in the hospital? What kind of fear and horror had washed over them on this one night that should have turned out differently for them? It was all his fault. 

If he hadn’t been driving his car through this intersection, he’d never have hit that man. The notion was intoxicating and Oliver grabbed onto that thought as he stared out at the rushing river. Then… he took that thought one step further. 

If it weren’t for him, his parents wouldn’t have gotten a similar call. His father wouldn’t have had to fire his son from a position just to save the company. Laurel wouldn’t have had to suffer the humiliation of walking in on her fiancé screwing some random girl. 

There was no doubt that Laurel’s life would be better without him in it. She could have found a nice man, probably while she was at school, and been settled down and married already. Maybe even have a child already. He knew she wanted children. His parents wouldn’t have to clean and cover up his messes all the time, if he weren’t around. 

Tears filled his eyes. He was a disappointment to everyone around him. He was a failure as a human being. An utter waste of oxygen. 

Through the blurriness in his eyes, he saw something. Blinking and wiping away the tears, he saw that it had started to snow. Flakes, small and delicate, were drifting down all around him. He looked down at the river, which was swallowing the flakes up as though they weren’t even there to begin with. Just endless, churning darkness, swallowing up all that beauty. 

Oliver wanted to be swallowed up too. 

Slowly, he stepped closer to the stone railing, resting his hands on the dampened, frozen surface. The chill seeped through him, into his bones and he welcomed it. What must it be like to drown in water like that? Would he be carried away down stream? How long would it take for the water to close over his head? Would he drown or freeze first? 

As he contemplated this, Oliver’s resolve strengthened. 

Still, his hands shook as he boosted himself up on the cement railing. There was a post that he gripped for support as he found his feet underneath him. The wind whipped harder, blowing snowflakes in his face and he swallowed hard as he looked down at the river.

_Don’t think about your family. They’ll be better off, in the long run_. 

Slowly, Oliver removed his fingers from the post. He drew a deep breath, preparing to step off into the void of darkness. 

He was stopped, just in time, by a shriek splitting the still air around him. At the other side of the bridge, he saw a shape fall from the bridge. A flash of blonde hair and a white dress, her cry still hung on the air as she hit the water with a great splash. 

It was a woman. She’d just fallen in. 

***

Oliver didn’t even think. He leapt from his perch, diving towards the water below. Where just a moment ago he’d been prepared to still his body and let the water close over his head, now he powered through the ice cold waves with sure strokes, headed towards where the woman was splashing on the surface. 

She was struggling, her cries muffled now and Oliver felt a keen desperation to reach her before she went under. The cold from the water was so much worse than he’d expected. He could feel his lungs seizing up, his muscles contracting, his entire body rebelling at the need to move as quickly as possible. They were being swept under the bridge already, the current strong and quick. Oliver reached her but the fabric he grabbed slipped out of his hand as soon as he grabbed it. He surged forward again, taking ahold of one of her thrashing arms instead. 

She cried out again, perhaps startled by his sudden presence and jerked back. Her head slammed against one of the bridge posts and she went suddenly limp, threatening to fall beneath the dark, churning waves. 

Oliver lunged, pulling on her arm and bringing her body into his arms. They were being swept out from under the bridge and he realized that he was going to have a difficult time getting them both to the shore. He kicked, but he could feel his legs tiring. The woman was slumped in his arms, her weight pulling him down as he weakened under the onslaught of the freezing water.

“Oliver!” a familiar voice called. 

Oliver kicked his legs to keep him and the woman’s heads above water and turned to see where the voice was coming from. On the nearest shore, he saw a dark figure waving at him. Squinting, he realized it was John Diggle, his driver. 

“Swim this way!” John cried. He was wading into the water, a hand extended. 

Oliver grit his teeth, secured his grip on the woman, and began to kick in that direction, using his free arm to pull them through the water as much as he could. Icy waves splashed him in the face but he focused on his goal, not on the sharp pain of the cold that was overwhelming him. He couldn’t give up now. He was so close. 

His head bobbed down under the water a time or two, his mouth filling with water that he spat out. His limbs felt heavy; he was losing his energy quickly now. But he saw John, wading further into the water and reaching to him with a branch he’d found on the bank. Oliver grabbed for it and missed. 

“Again, Oliver!” 

Summoning the last of his energy, Oliver propelled himself again, grabbing for the branch. His fingers tangled in the twigs as he fought to get a good hold.

“You got it?” John called. 

“Yeah!” Oliver called back, his voice weak to his own ears. 

John pulled then, bringing them closer to the shore. Oliver kicked but the movements were feeble. 

But John had strength and he used is as he pulled on the branch. He was in the water, up to his calves and as soon as they were within reach, he leaned down and grabbed Oliver’s outstretched hand. He pulled them both through the water to the shore where Oliver collapsed, the woman on his chest. John immediately crouched next to them, checking the woman out and pressing his fingers to her pulse point on her neck. 

“Is she—?” Oliver asked, coughing and gasping. 

John nodded. “Just knocked out, I think. You okay, buddy?” 

“Yeah,” Oliver wheezed. “How did you…? How were you here so fast? We both would have gone under if you hadn’t been here.”

“I was nearby, Oliver. I didn’t feel good about leaving you alone. So I circled the block. When I came back, I saw you jump in after this girl so I pulled the car over and jumped out.”

“Thank god for that,” he said. “Thank you, John.”

“No problem, Oliver. Now, let’s get you both up and into the car. You need to get out of those wet clothes before you get hypothermia.”

“If we haven’t already,” Oliver said, his teeth chattering. 

John pulled the woman into his arms and Oliver climbed to his feet, a little unsteadily. They carefully picked their way up the bank to the road where John had left the Bentley. Oliver stood, rubbing his arms as his driver set her on the back seat and then went around to the trunk. He pulled out a blanket and brought it back to cover her with and then told Oliver to get in the front seat. 

“I should take you both to the hospital, get you checked out,” John said as he got behind the wheel. He cranked the heater up to full blast and Oliver held his hands in front of the vents but he was shaking so hard from the cold that he barely felt the warmth. 

“N-no. I just came from there,” Oliver protested. 

“You need a doctor,” John argued. “You both do.”

“M-my p-penthouse is just around the c-corner. Take us th-there.”

He gave him a hard look and shook his head. “You are damn stubborn, man.”

“T-the hospital w-will have q-questions… I don’t w-want any m-more at-attention. They’d c-call my p-parents.”

“You’re probably right.” Diggle swung the Bentley around and headed towards the penthouse. The streets were empty so there was nothing to slow them down. He glanced in the rear view mirror and then over his shoulder at the woman in the back seat. “Who is she?”

“I d-don’t know. I was… I w-was looking out at the r-river when I s-saw her f-fall in.” Oliver looked back at her too. Now that they were both out of the water, he had a better look at her face as the Bentley passed beneath streetlights. 

She was beautiful. And young, possibly younger than him. Her skin was pale, which could have been due to the cold. Her blonde hair hung limp and wet around her shoulders but he could see it was already forming waves. He couldn’t tell what she was wearing, since she was covered with the thick wool blanket that John kept in the trunk, but he remembered it was white. Who _was_ she? And why had she been on the bridge? Come to think of it, why hadn’t he seen her there? Oliver had been absolutely certain he was alone. He’d made sure of it. 

“Maybe she jumped,” John suggested. 

Oliver’s mind rebelled at such a notion. A beautiful, young woman like her? Why would she jump? No, he felt rather certain that she’d fallen. Plus, she’d screamed. 

“I don’t think so.”

“Does she have any purse or wallet or ID?” 

“I can’t tell from here.”

John pulled the Bentley up in front of the doors to his apartment building. He came around the car in the amount of time it took Oliver to open his door, his hands were shaking so badly. His driver opened up the back seat door and reached in, gathering the woman in his arms. He nodded towards the doors. “Quick. She’s cold as ice. We need to warm her up.”

“I can do it,” Oliver volunteered. 

John fixed him with a skeptical look. “No offense, Oliver, but you look like you can barely hold yourself upright right now. I’ll carry her up but then, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get home to my family.”

Oliver winced a little as he followed John into the lobby of the building. “I’m sorry, I totally spaced on that.”

“It’s no problem, Oliver. I was doing my job and then I hung around because I wanted to. I’m glad I did, you needed my help.”

Oliver pressed the button for the elevator and the doors opened instantly. They stepped into the car and he used his key to unlock the floor his penthouse was located on. The doors slid closed and the car began moving upwards. The heat was on in the building and Oliver could feel himself warming up, slowly. His teeth were barely chattering anymore.

“I did need your help and you have no idea how grateful I am that you were there.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?”

“I’m cold but I’m okay, I promise.”

“Not just that… I mean with her.” John shifted his arms, indicating the woman he carried. She was still out cold and Oliver noticed the blue tinge to her lips with no small amount of concern. 

“I don’t think she’s a threat, John,” Oliver said. Not only was she currently unconscious, but she was a tiny thing. Oliver easily would dwarf her. 

“Yeah but… we don’t even know who she is. What if she’s upset to wake up and be in a strange man’s apartment?”

Oliver hadn’t considered that. Still… there was something about this whole situation that made him think that he didn’t need to worry. Maybe it was naive of him, but he thought it’d all be okay. 

“I’ll handle it,” he promised. 

Dig rolled his eyes. “Do I want to know what your version of ‘handling it’ looks like?” he asked, his expression knowing. 

Oliver felt his cheeks heat. “Not like that. I just… want to make sure she’s okay. Then she’s free to go. I’ll even help her get to where she needs to be.”

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. “You call me if you need anything, man. No matter what time it is.”

“I will absolutely call you if I need you,” Oliver replied, leading the way through the foyer to the living room. John set the woman on his sofa. 

“You sure you know what to do for hypothermia?” he asked. 

“I’ll Google it,” Oliver said. 

John snorted. “Good luck, man. Wake her up, get her warm, get yourself warm. Call 911 if you have to. Okay?”

“You got it.”

Then, Oliver was left alone with his mystery woman. 

***

Oliver ended up doing a very quick consultation with Google after all. He realized John was right, he needed to wake her up as soon as possible. 

He sat next to her head, biting his lip and trying not to notice how her white dress was clinging to her body. He took the blanket, which was too wet to cover her with any longer, and set it off to the side. Just when he was contemplating going to get a fresh blanket out of the linen closet to cover her with, he heard her moan. 

Oliver took her hand in his, noticing how cold her fingers were. He rubbed them gently with his other hand. “Hello? Miss?” he called hesitantly. 

Her eyelids fluttered a little, her long, dark lashes brushing her cheeks. Her head lolled to the side and she made another noise. 

“Please, don’t freak out,” he whispered, watching her. 

“Oof,” she muttered, lifting a hand to touch the bump on her head where she’d smacked it into the pillar. 

“Careful,” he said automatically. “You knocked your head.”

“Wh—? Where am I?” She blinked her eyes open and found him hovering over her, almost instantly. Her blue eyes sharpened but then she relaxed a little. “Oh…”

“You’re at my apartment.” Oliver blushed. “I’m sorry, I probably should have taken you to a hospital but my penthouse was closer and, well, you really need to get out of those wet clothes and warm up. Er… I mean… we need to get you warm so you don’t get hypothermia. I promise I’m not some sicko.”

She blinked a little, clearly confused, but allowed him to help her sit up. “I jumped in the river,” she said. 

“I think you actually fell in,” he told her. “Here, let me show you to a bathroom, get you some towels and something to wear while I dry your…dress?” Oliver eyed what she was wearing. It didn’t look like any dress he’d ever seen. It was flowing and white and thin while also containing endless folds of fabric. 

“Oh!” She looked down at herself and touched her hair. “I am quite wet, aren’t I?” 

There was no guile to what she said but Oliver cleared his throat anyhow. He was going to try to be good here, just like he’d promised John. 

“Can you tell me your name?” he asked carefully. “I know you need to get warm and dry but I feel I should probably know your name before I let you use my shower.”

She smiled at him, such a sunny expression that he felt himself warming just looking at her. “You can call me Felicity.”

He held out his hand for her to shake but she just looked confused at his outstretched hand. He took it back and pointed to his chest. “I’m Oliver.”

“Oh, I know that already,” she declared. 

Oliver blinked, pausing. “Wait… what? How do you know my name?” 

“I know all about you,” she said with a careless wave of her hand. She got to her feet, smoothing her hands on her wet, wrinkled dress. “I’m an angel.”

Oliver resisted the urge to burst out laughing but just barely. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t as normal as she seemed. Maybe she hit her head harder than he thought she had. Maybe it was the shock of the icy water or maybe she was just… delusional. For the moment, he chose to ignore it. Crazy or not, she needed to warm up. 

“Here, follow me,” he said, getting to his feet and starting towards his bedroom. He had a huge shower in his bathroom and it was well stocked and, well, it was impressive. Though why he wanted to impress some nameless woman, Oliver had no idea. 

“This is nice!” she exclaimed, running her fingers along the quartz countertops and gazing at the huge walk in shower with wide eyes. 

“It does the trick,” he said, trying not to show that her praise pleased him. He reached into the shower and turned it on, setting the temperature nice and warm. “Let’s let this warm up a second, wait right here and I’ll get you something to wear when you get out.”

Oliver darted out into his room and headed straight to the closet. He picked out an old shirt of his and some sweatpants he didn’t wear anymore. He headed right back to the bathroom, walking right in. 

He got a flash of bare, pale skin before he swiftly turned on his heel and faced the other direction. “I—I didn’t know you— I brought you clothes.”

“Oh!” Felicity chirped. “Thank you so much, that’s so sweet of you.”

He set them on the counter, not daring to turn around. “After you get out of the shower, just dry off with one of those towels hanging right there and then put these on. I’ll probably be out of the guest room shower by then and I’ll meet you in the living room. Er… where we were when you woke up.”

“Okay… wow. Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you, Oliver!”

“No problem,” he mumbled, hurrying out of the bathroom and his room. He headed right for the guest room to take his own shower but he no longer felt quite so chilled as he had just ten minutes ago. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver learns exactly what Felicity is about and he handles it about as well as you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you guys for giving this Christmas story a shock! I love how many of you were surprised Felicity was an angel... That's delightful to me! I hope you enjoy this chapter where Oliver has to come to grips with that information. And he gets a little taste of what she can do. 
> 
> The kind words and comments mean the world to me. They really do. I hope you know that I appreciate each and every single one. Thank you and thank you and thank you!

Oliver nearly forgot to get himself a change of clothes. He picked out a comfortable pair of cargos and a henley that he liked to wear when it was cool. The shower in the guest bathroom wasn’t nearly as nice as the one off of his room, but it got the job done. And while he was “getting the job done”, Oliver studiously avoided any thoughts about Felicity. Nope. He was just focused on warming up. That was all. He wasn’t going to be _that guy_ anymore. 

Speaking of which… the hot water from the shower felt like heaven. Well, at first it felt like hell. Like stabbing needles all over his body, especially his feet and hands and face. But as the steam filled the small bathroom and he let the water wash over him, heat him up, Oliver began to feel warm again. 

In addition to Felicity, he tried very hard not to think about what he’d been about to do on that bridge. He had come within a second of jumping off into that water. If Felicity hadn’t fallen in… But she had. And he’d ended up in the river after all, but not to die. To save her. 

Was that why he felt responsible for her now? Even thought she might very well be… crazy? 

Oliver didn’t linger too much under the heated spray. He wanted to make it out to the living room before Felicity did. He pulled on his clothes, ran a hand through his short hair and walked out. 

The living room was empty and quiet. It made him feel uneasy. He went to the fireplace, a modern gas fireplace that had been quite the selling point but a feature he’d never used in the three years he’d been living there. It turned on with the flick of a switch and he stood there for a moment, feeling for heat but it remained cool. Well. That was rather pointless, wasn’t it?

Instead, he went to the thermostat on the wall near the foyer and dialed up the temperature several degrees. Then, he retrieved several blankets and brought them out to the sofa. He was debating making some coffee or hot chocolate when a small sound had him turning around towards his bedroom. 

Felicity stood in the doorway, looking eager but a little unsure. She wore the clothes he’d left her but, predictably, they swam on her small frame. Her blonde hair was wet but brushed and her face had a fresh, scrubbed look that made her look so young and innocent. Oliver realized he didn’t know a thing about her, besides her first name and that she might very well be insane. 

“How was the shower?” he asked her. 

“Oh, it was _gorgeous_!” she gushed. “I mean, it hurt at first and I thought, this isn’t how I remember showers being _at all_. But then it started to feel good and then I started to think maybe I should just stay in there. But I remembered you were waiting for me, though, so I got out. The towels! Oh, Oliver… those towels are _amazing_. I definitely don’t remember towels being like _that_ but that could be because we couldn’t afford any decent towels. It wasn’t like I was staying at the Ritz or anything. And maybe I don’t remember things quite right. Because I know I didn’t remember how cold a river in December could be. I mean, I knew what I was doing and I still think I made the right choice, given the spur of the moment and no one told me what I _should_ do. But, wow, that was cold water. I couldn’t hardly breathe, what about you?”

Oliver blinked at her. “Oh…kay?” 

Her cheeks flushed pink. “I’m sorry, I babbled. I do that when I’m nervous and for some reason I’m really nervous with you. Isn’t that silly? I shouldn’t be. I know all about you, as I mentioned before.”

“How do you know all about me? Have you been stalking me or something?” Oliver knew the local gossip sites and newspaper columns followed everything he did, reporting with glee any of his missteps. 

Felicity looked bemused. “Stalking? No… no, I’m an angel, Oliver. I’m your guardian angel, to be specific.”

He ran a hand over his face. Okay, he was really believing this girl was crazy now. He’d done a good thing, saved her life, but it was time to get her warmed up and get her out the door because the last thing he needed right now was some crazy woman in his apartment. 

“I’m going to go get your dress so I can toss it in the dryer,” he said, moving past her and into his room. 

Oliver found the sodden garment on the floor in the bathroom and scooped it up. He needed a moment to gather his thoughts. She was beautiful, there was no denying that. Even though she looked like she might beall of seventeen years old at the moment, there was no denying she was beautiful. But Oliver had learned early on not to get involved with crazy women. It just ended up badly. 

The laundry room was down the hall from his room so he went there and put her dress in the dryer. It was a good dryer, the dress should be dry in no time. 

When he got back to the living room, he found Felicity studying the gas fireplace carefully. “Why isn’t it hot?” she asked him. 

“That’s a very good question,” he replied. “Can I get you a drink? Coffee? Hot chocolate?” 

“Mm!” she said, excited, turning wide eyes on him. “Coffee, please! I haven’t had any in _ages_!”

“Coming right up.” 

***

Oliver’s kitchen contained all expected the high end appliances and gadgets. He was actually a pretty decent cook but he didn’t spend much time doing it. It was easier to go out to eat and order take out. Money was no object so why not, right? 

He didn’t even make his own coffee very often, preferring to stop at the coffee shop on the corner every morning as he came back from his run. As such, his fancy coffee maker didn’t see a lot of action and half the time, he forgot how to operate it. Luck was on his side tonight, he remembered how to use the machine and he filled it with grounds and set it to brew while he looked through the cupboards for a couple of mugs and retrieved cream and sugar. 

Oliver considered calling out to ask her if she took cream and sugar in her coffee but decided against it. Instead, he’d take a chance that she’d be fine with a little of both. 

When he returned to the living room, Felicity was sitting next to the gas fireplace, staring into the flames with a contemplative look. He paused a moment, admiring how his t-shirt hung off one shoulder, exposing a smooth, creamy curve. Her hair was drying rapidly into sunny waves. She might be insane, but there was also something incredibly appealing about her. It wasn’t just her appearance, either. She was guileless, or at least came off that way. 

“Here’s your coffee,” he said, passing her a mug. She looked up, finally noticing him, and took it from him with a beaming smile and he took a seat across from her, vowing to send her on her way after they had this drink. 

She sipped and made a happy humming sound. “I haven’t had coffee in so long… I forgot how fantastic it is.”

“You said you didn’t fall in the river,” Oliver said, ignoring her strange comments. “Did you jump?”

She nodded, her blonde waves bouncing around her shoulders. “Yes, I did.”

“But… why?” Oliver knew why _he_ was going to jump… he’d been living the darkest moment of his life at the time, his world closing in around him. His motives had been all about despair and pain. Looking at Felicity, he just didn’t think she was on that same page. 

“I jumped in to save _you_.”

He choked on his coffee and set the mug down. “Excuse me?”

Felicity smiled gently at him. “You were about to jump into the river and throw away your life. I was there to stop you.”

“Wha—? How do you know what I was doing there?” His throat felt dry. Felicity took another long drink of her coffee before setting the cup aside. She leaned forward her elbows on her knees as she regarded him. 

“I told you. I know all about you. I’ve been watching you.”

Uneasiness crawled up his spine. “Yet you say you’re not a stalker?? What the hell!”

“I’m an angel, Oliver. I know you don’t believe me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Lots of people don’t believe in climate change and yet the science backs up the theory, making it true. The truth is, I’ve been sent here to stop you from killing yourself.”

He shot to his feet and began to pace in front of the huge windows that overlooked the city. “I don’t believe in angels,” he grumbled. “I think you should finish your coffee and leave.” 

“Not believing in something doesn’t automatically make it not true,” she said again, sounding a bit exasperated this time. 

“I think you belong in a mental institution.” 

“So, you’re saying just because you don’t believe what someone is saying, that automatically makes them crazy?” 

Oliver turned and saw her giving him a hard glare, the most upset he’d seen her since she woke up. “I just… you have to admit this is a crazy concept, right?”

Felicity blew out a breath. “I get it. I do. Back when I was… well, I would have probably thought I was crazy too. But, Oliver… I’m just asking that you try for just a moment to believe me. Can you do that? Can you trust me?”

Her blue eyes were wide on his and she was so damned earnest. Oliver cursed under his breath and dropped back into his seat. He sighed and looked at her. “I can’t help but trust you,” he admitted reluctantly. “It’s ridiculous, I don’t even know you. I know _nothing_ about you. But yet there’s something about you…”

Felicity smiled, the expression reaching her eyes and warming them. “So that should make it easier to believe me, right?”

“I don’t know… I trust you, or I _want_ to trust you… but I just… _angels_? Come on. On Christmas? Are you sure you haven’t just seen one too many Hallmark Christmas specials?”

She threw back her head and laughed. “I have no idea what that is. But no. I’m an angel and that’s the truth.”

Oliver grimaced. “Listen, if it helps, I believe that _you_ believe you’re an angel.”

She blew out a breath, exasperated. “Why is it so hard for you to believe?”

He shrugged. “Because I believe what I can see. And all I see is a woman. A lovely young woman, but still, just a woman. Not an angel.”

“If you’ve never seen an angel before, how would you know what one looks like?” He raised an eyebrow at him, challenging. Her lips were quirked a bit, telling him that she was enjoying their banter.

“Angels have wings, don’t they?” He leaned up and made a show of peering behind her shoulder. “You don’t have any wings.”

Her cheeks colored and she looked distinctly embarrassed. “I haven’t earned them yet.”

“…What?”

“I haven’t earned my wings yet. That’s part of why I’m here. I was given this assignment as my final test. You see, I’m still pretty young, in angel terms. I haven’t been up in heaven for very long, just thirty years. Most angels who get their wings have been there at least fifty years. Some over a hundred! But… I show promise. Or at least, that’s what Gabriel says.”

Oliver fixed her with a look. “You realize how ridiculous this sounds, right?”

“Listen. I was alive on earth once. My name was Felicity then too. Felicity Kuttler. I… died.” A shadow seemed to pass over her features, dimming her light. Then, she seemed to shake off whatever she was remembering. “I had a lot more to do, a lot more life to live. I wanted to contribute, you know? Make the world a better place. So I talked my way into the angel program. Like I said before, most angels have been around longer than I have but… I’m determined.”

He had to chuckle. “Well, that I can see. But if I’m going to believe you… that means you’re dead?” He reached out and pushed gently at her shoulder. “Shouldn’t my hand just go right through you?”

Felicity rolled her eyes. “I’m not a _ghost_ , silly. Those don’t exist. Not like that, anyhow.”

“Well, neither do angels. So you see why I’m questioning it all right now.”

“Do you really think I’m crazy?” she asked, her face screwing up in an adorable way that he couldn’t help but smile at. 

“I’m just trying to think of why you would feed me such a crazy story,” he told her. “It’s the logical conclusion. I mean, how can you possibly know everything about me?”

“Because I’ve watched you!” she cried, indignant. “Specifically so I would know you and could come here and save you tonight!”

“Tell me something you know, then,” he said, folding his arms over his chest. 

“You have a problem with fidelity,” she replied, lifting her chin. 

“Everyone knows that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Lots of people have been watching me since I was a kid. Its part of being a Queen in this town. That doesn’t prove anything.”

Felicity narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine. I know you were with a woman named Tammy Martinez this afternoon in the office at Verdant and your girlfriend… your _fiancee_ walked in and found you. She broke off the engagement… rightly so, I might add.”

Oliver gaped at her and backed up a few steps. There was no way the press could have got wind of the cancelled engagement yet, much less known exactly _why_ the engagement was cancelled. Tammy’s last name was Martinez? Oliver hadn’t even known that. 

“Listen, I don’t know what you think is going to happen here, but I think it might be better if you just left,” he said, gesturing towards the door. 

Felicity just blinked, adorably confused. “What do you mean? I just got here. We have so much to do! I need to convince you that your life isn’t worth throwing away!”

Anger rose in him swiftly, making him ball his fists and growl. “No! Enough! You need to leave! Leave, or I will call up the front desk to have you removed.”

Felicity got up and stood toe to toe with him. She barely reached his shoulder in her bare feet, but her glare was fierce. 

“Listen, mister.” She jabbed a finger in his chest. “I was sent here to do a job and my job isn’t over yet. I stopped you from killing yourself on that bridge tonight. But if I leave here now, you’ll just find another way to do it. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not even tomorrow. But you will. Am I wrong?”

Oliver grit his teeth and whirled away, running a hand over his head. She was right, which just made him madder. She’d provided a diversion, for the moment, but as soon as she’d told him he’d try again, he’d felt the truth of that statement in his heart. Maybe tonight but maybe not. But probably. The day would catch up with him once more. And here, in the apartment there were so many viable… _options_ for getting the job done. 

“Please go,” he said, but his voice lacked it’s earlier conviction. 

He felt a hand at his arm and looked down to see her small fingers there, branding him through the thin fabric of his henley. He turned and she was once again standing right before him, but her eyes were softer now, a greyish blue that reminded him of cozy, winter afternoons. 

“Please, let me help you.”

“No one can help me,” he told her. “If you saw what happened this afternoon, what Laurel walked in on, then you must know all the other things I’ve done too.”

“I know all of it, Oliver,” she replied simply and without judgement. “I still want to help you.”

“You _can’t_ know all of it. If you knew all of it, if you really were an _angel_ , you would not be here right now. You’d be as far from me as you could get.”

“You’re gonna be a tough one, aren’t you?” she said, her forehead wrinkling. 

“Excuse me?” How did she constantly confuse him like this?

“I should have known. You know, the other angels talk about how hard it was to get their wings, how exhausting the whole process was but I thought they meant _paperwork_. I had no idea the actual job would be the sticky part.” She shook her head a little ruefully but then smiled up at him. “Luckily, I think that just means you’re going to be that much more worth it.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” he muttered, trying very hard not to be charmed by her. And he did have to try, _really_ hard. Angel or not, Felicity’s charm was undeniable. 

“I’ll just have to show you what I can do,” she said with a shrug. 

“And what do you do? Besides jump off of bridges to save suicidal men like me?” 

“I do many things. I have a lot of skills, Oliver Queen. But in your case, I can show you what you need to see.”

She sounded so completely serious that Oliver couldn’t resist chuckling. “No. Really. What does that mean?”

Felicity was silent for a moment, contemplating with a finger tapping against her lips. She shrugged again and regarded him seriously. “The only way to explain is to show you what I do. It’s a bit extreme, but Gabriel told me to do what I must because apparently, you’re high priority. This is my best plan.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “What is? Show me? Show me what?”

“This.” 

She reached up and placed her hands on his face, her fingertips pressing in on his temples. Almost instantly, Oliver felt the world swirl around him, like you would if you’d just drank a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. His eyes were open and he saw his penthouse swirl around him until it was a blur of colors. He slammed his eyes shut and hit the floor with a heavy thud. 

***

“Oliver? You okay?” 

A hand was shaking him and the voice was so sweet… it only took a short moment until he remembered that voice belonged to Felicity. Crazy Felicity. Felicity who thought she was an angel. 

Oliver sat up, blinking his eyes open. Felicity’s face filled his field of vision and she was smiling at him. 

“There you are. Sorry… it’s a bit of a disorienting experience, especially the first time, but there’s really no way to prepare someone for it, you know?” 

“Uhm… yeah,” he mumbled, rubbing his head. That was putting it mildly. 

“Can I help you up?” she asked, holding a hand out. 

Oliver thought that if he’d really needed help, her hand wouldn’t do a whole lot of good. He’d pull her to the ground first. But he took her hand anyhow and climbed back to his feet. 

He looked around and then closed his eyes again, shaking his head. But when he opened his eyes, the scene around him hadn’t changed. “Where are we?” he asked her. “Where’s my apartment? What just happened?”

“It’s okay, Oliver,” Felicity said patiently. “We’ve… left your apartment. I’ve brought you some place so you could see something.”

Oliver looked around him. The sun was shining through the windows at the end of the hall they were standing in. It looked like a—

“Is this a hospital?” 

Felicity nodded. “Yep.”

“Why the hell is it daytime?”

“Because we are no longer experiencing December 24, 2017,” she explained as though she was telling him the weather. 

“Then what are we experiencing?” he asked through clenched teeth. Just then, a nurse walked by them, not even noticing them, and she entered a door just down the hall from where they stood. Before the door shut again, he heard the cry of a baby. 

“This is May 16, 1985,” she replied. 

Oliver stumbled back and braced himself against the wall. That was the day he was born. And they were at a hospital. “Are we—? Is this—?” 

Felicity just nodded, her blonde hair bouncing. “Yes! This is the hospital you were born in. Your mother is in that room right there, with baby you.” 

She indicated the room the nurse had just walked into. Oliver felt a very strange sensation as he walked towards the door but then he stopped and turned back to face Felicity. 

“How are we here? Did we time travel?” he asked her. 

“No, it’s not time travel. Come on, I’ll show you.” 

Felicity took his hand and lead him towards the door. Oliver suddenly felt incredibly reluctant to go in that room, but her grip on him was solid and he couldn’t seem to stop her. When they reached the door, however, she didn’t stop and open it. She just… walked through it. 

Oliver shouted in surprise but when he looked down to where she held his hand… he still saw her still holding his own. But her hand was… coming through the closed door. “Wha—?”

Her hand tugged on his and then her head popped back through the door. “Come on, silly,” she said. “Just walk through.”

Oliver took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and let her tug on his hand, pulling him through the door into the room. When he opened his eyes, he was in the hospital and when he looked behind him, the door was there, still closed. 

“Wow. How?” he asked her. “I thought you said you weren’t a ghost?” 

Felicity rolled her eyes. “I’m not. And you’re not either. This isn’t real, Oliver, it’s just a _look_.”

“A look?”

“Yes. Your birth already happened. I’m just showing you what it looked like that day,” she said, gesturing at the room beyond them. 

Oliver finally looked behind just Felicity and he saw the hospital bed dominating the room and in the bed… his mother. Younger than he’d ever seen her, her hair long and her face unlined. The nurse was fussing around a bassinet set off to the side of the bed. There were snuffling noises inside the bassinet and he realized that was him. He was in that bassinet. 

“Wow,” he breathed, taking a step forward. “Oh… wow.”

“Yeah,” she said, joining him at his side. 

“Can they hear us or see us?” he asked, already knowing the answer. Neither his mother or the nurse had shown any sign of noticing them since they’d entered the room. 

“No. Like I said, it’s just a look.” 

Oliver walked closer to the bassinet, Felicity following him. He found a spot to stand, near the window. He could see the little bundle inside, a little fist waving in the air. 

“You’re a cute baby,” Felicity remarked, peering into the bassinet, a soft smile on her lips. 

Oliver peered too but felt far too odd looking at his baby self. He moved back a little. 

The door to the room opened just then, capturing everyone’s attention, including his mother and the nurse. His father walked in, younger, slimmer and considerably less grey. He held a balloon that said “It’s a boy!” and a bouquet of flowers and wore the mostly stupidly happy expression on his face that Oliver had ever seen. 

“He looks like you,” Felicity remarked. “Or… you look like him. That’s probably what it is.”

He did. Oliver heard it all the time, of course, how much like his father he looked. Seeing it in person like this… so close to his current age, however, was a bit of a different experience. 

Robert crossed quickly to his wife’s side and bent down to press a kiss to her lips. Then, he looked towards the bassinet. “How is our boy doing?” he asked. “How are _you_?”

Moira smiled beatifically. “I’m doing just fine. Tired and sore, of course, but so happy.”

“I’m so glad,” he said, kissing her again. He drew back and placed the flowers on her bedside table. He let the balloon float there. 

“Mr. Queen, would you like to hold your son?” the nurse asked. She reached into the bassinet and pulled out the blue wrapped bundle. Oliver felt Felicity grab his arm and he looked over to see her biting her lip. 

“Yes, I would,” his father said, his eyes soft on the form of his son. He held his arms out and the nurse gently placed the baby there. There were a few snuffles from the bundle but otherwise, the baby remained quiet and still. 

“Oh, Robert,” his mother said, tearfully. She pressed a tissue to her mouth as she watched her husband hold her newborn son. 

“He’s absolutely perfect, Moira,” his father said. He sank slowly into the chair next to his mother’s bedside, not taking his eyes off the baby. “I can’t believe I had a hand in making something so _perfect_.”

“I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of him,” Moira admitted. “Not once.”

“I’ll leave you three to get to know one another,” the nurse said with a kind smile. She left the room but his father and mother barely noticed. They were completely absorbed with the baby. 

“What are we naming him?” Robert asked. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that,” Moira replied. She reached out and brushed a finger down the baby’s cheek. “I know we agreed on Jonas for a middle name.”

“Yes, we did.”

Jonas had been Oliver’s grandfather’s name. And his great-grandfather… and great-great-grandfather… It might have been a bit old fashioned but his parents had wanted to give him a family name they’d always told him. They believed in things like tradition… something Oliver had never put much stock in. 

“How about Oliver for a first name?” his mother suggested. 

His father looked up and met her eye. He smiled slowly. “Oliver Jonas.” Robert looked back down at the bundle in his arms. “It suits him. Oliver Jonas Queen.”

“Such a big name for such a small baby,” his mother said. “But I agree. It fits.”

“I can’t wait to do everything with this little guy,” Robert said, rocking baby Oliver in his arms. “Take him to his first Rockets game, go out on the boat together… take him over to QC and show him the empire that will someday be his…”

Moira tsked. “Now, dear, he’s just a baby still. There’s time for all that. You don’t want to overwhelm him too soon.”

His father got up from his chair, passed the baby into his mother’s waiting arms and he sat on the edge of her bed while she fussed with the blanket that was bundling him. 

“I know, but I’m just so excited. His whole life is before him. Right now he’s nothing but potential and the sky is the limit.” 

“My beautiful boy,” his mother breathed, stroking the baby’s cheek. 

Oliver felt his eyes filling with tears as he watched the tender scene. “Felicity… take me out of here.”

“Oliver?”

“Please,” he gasped, screwing his eyes shut against the scene before him. He couldn’t bear to watch it for another moment. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity gives Oliver more glimpses of his earlier life. Will this have any affect on the way he sees himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story and responding so enthusiastically. It means the world to me. I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season. See you again on Thursday for another update!

It was a hoax. It had to be some sort of elaborate hoax. Felicity was some sort of escaped mental patient and she’d dosed him with some hallucinogen in his drink and now he was seeing things. It was just some sort of elaborate production meant to fool him. And possibly extort money from him as well. 

As soon as his penthouse materialized around him, he paced away from Felicity and towards the windows that looked out over the city. He rested his forehead against the cool glass while he gulped in lungfuls of air, needing to regain his senses. 

“Oliver? Are you okay?” Felicity stepped up behind him, he could feel her presence there, hesitating. 

“No… I am _not_ okay,” he growled. “What is your endgame here?”

“Excuse me?” Her voice was pure innocence. 

He turned to face her. “What the hell are you trying to get out of me?Is it money? Or is this just a prank? Something you pull on unsuspecting people in order to have a few laughs?”

Felicity looked horrified at the suggestion. “This isn’t a prank, Oliver. I told you, that was a look. I took you to a moment from your life to show you how much you mean to your family.” 

“No…” he said, slowly. “It wasn’t. Because you’re insane. What you showed me is _impossible_. Which means you drugged me or something. So tell me, what is your goal here?”

“My goal is to help you, Oliver! I wanted to stop you from killing yourself and I’m trying to show you the value of your life!” she insisted. 

“Enough!” he roared. “I’m not some idiot, Felicity. You slipped something into my coffee and now I’m having… hallucinations. That’s what that is. Well, ha ha, you’ve had your laugh now. If there wasn’t anything else you needed, you can just go because I’m not interested in any more of this nonsense.”

“I didn’t drug you!” she cried, insulted. “Oliver, I told you. I’m an angel.”

“And I told you there’s no such thing as angels. Is it money?” He crossed to where he’d discarded his trousers in the guest room earlier, pulling his still damp wallet from his back pocket. Opening it, he found several bills and pulled them out. He stalked back into the living room and stopped in front of Felicity, holding out the cash. “Here, take it. Take it and get out.”

Felicity pushed his hand away. “I don’t want your money, you idiot,” she seethed. “I want to help you. That’s what I’m doing. I gave you that look at your parents on the day you were born so you could see how much they love you and all the hopes they had for you.”

“I might have seen that if I wasn’t absolutely positive it was a hallucination,” he grumbled. 

Felicity shook her head and sighed. “Okay, it’s clear to me that I have my work cut out for me here.”

“You could just go and save yourself the effort.”

“Not a chance. I think I’m going to have to show you a lot more than just one moment.”

“No, I’m not doing any more of that…” He gestured around him and at her. 

She ignored him as though he hadn’t said anything. “Do you at least believe that I’m an angel now? What I showed you was amazing, that should count for something, right?”

“I mean… it’s not too likely that you knocked me over the head and induced some strange hallucination in me, is it?” Oliver wasn’t about to just give in and let… whatever this was… keep happening. He still wasn’t sure she didn’t want to take all his money. 

“No, it’s not.”

“Maybe I’m dreaming.”

“You’re not asleep.”

“That sounds like something I’d hear in one of my dreams, actually,” Oliver said. 

“I promise you’re not asleep.”

“Maybe I’m in a coma. Maybe I didn’t walk away from that accident tonight and I’m laying in a hospital bed right now, having some sort of strange lucid hallucination.”

Felicity gave him a look. “That’s a pretty good theory, actually. But no, you’re not in the hospital. You jumped into the river tonight, remember?”

“Then maybe I’m dead.”

“You are _not_ dead!” Felicity’s eyes snapped with anger. “You’re not asleep and you’re not in the hospital. You are real and standing here right now.”

“I gotta say, this is the most detailed my brain has ever been… usually my dreams are pretty boring and unimaginative… Ow! What the hell was that for??”

Felicity had pinched his arm… _hard_. Oliver rubbed the spot, wincing. 

“That was to show you that you’re wrong. You’re not dreaming this, Oliver. A pinch would wake you up, right? You’re not asleep!”

“Fine! Fine, okay? I’m not dreaming.” Oliver scowled and rubbed his sore arm some more. “Did you have to pinch me so hard??”

“Yes. Because you’re a stubborn ass, Oliver Queen!” she exclaimed, throwing up her hands. “You won’t believe what I tell you, you can’t even bring yourself to believe what I show you. You see the proof of what I am with your own two eyes and instead of accepting the easiest possible explanation, you try to rationalize all these other scenarios instead!”

“How in the hell is an angel showing up to save me from killing myself the ‘easiest explanation’??”

Felicity huffed. “Okay, maybe you’ve got me there. But I just want you to believe me. You said you trust me, doesn’t that mean you should believe me too??”

“If I believe you, that you’re an angel, that means accepting that someone or some _thing_ doesn’t want me to kill myself. I’m just… not ready to accept that,” Oliver admitted. 

Felicity’s expression softened. “I know, it’s a lot. But I am here to help you. That’s all I want to do.”

“So you can get your wings,” he reminded her. 

“Well, I mean… that’s part of it. And that’s why I took the assignment to start with. But, Oliver, do you know why I’m here right now? Why I didn’t run screaming when Gabriel showed me your life?”

Truthfully, Oliver _had_ been wondering that. The little part of him that felt she’d been telling him the truth about who she was, what she was… wondered why someone would want to take on his case when it was so clear that he was colossal fuckup. “Why?”

“Because of _you_. I saw something in you… you’re not this man that sabotages his own life. I think… well. It’s not up for me to say.”

He reached out, touching her arm. “No, I want to hear what you think. Please?”

Felicity sighed. “I think you’re scared.”

“Scared??” He had absolutely not been expecting her to say _that_. 

“Yeah… You put out this fake persona to keep people at a distance. You are afraid that if people knew the real you… that they’d reject that. And that would hurt so much more than them rejecting your _fake_ persona.”

Oliver blinked at her. “That’s not… I don’t…”

“Oliver. I’ve watched you and seen you in the moments that not even your closest family has seen. I don’t know your thoughts but… well, I feel like I know you pretty well.”

“Honestly, Felicity, I’m not that deep. And all that’s happened in the last day is my lifestyle has finally caught up with me.”

“No, I don’t accept that. You jumped in the river to save me. A selfish, entitled asshole wouldn’t have done that.”

“That was… _anyone_ would have done that.”

“No… they wouldn’t. Oliver, please, let me help you.”

He sighed. “What are the chances of you leaving here without me letting you do your thing?”

“Slim to none.”

“Alright. I’ll play along. Do your thing, show me what you need me to see, I’ll go along and try my best to pay attention,” he said, giving in. 

Felicity grinned, bouncing on her feet and clapping. “Oh, yay! Thank you, Oliver. You won’t regret this.”

“We’ll see. But first, I’m having a sandwich.”

***

After Oliver polished off his ham sandwich, Felicity put her hands on his face again and this time he was transported to the house he grew up in; the Queen mansion. It took him a few minutes of looking around, marveling at how much things looked like how he remembered from when he was little before he was able to focus on what it was Felicity wanted to show him. 

“I remember this, though!” he cried. “This chair! I used to love to sit in this chair to watch cartoons in the afternoon! Why the hell did my parents ever get rid of this?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Felicity replied. “Come on, what I want to show you is in the kitchen.”

The kitchen had always been Oliver’s favorite room when he was growing up. There were so many wonderful memories associated with that one room, so much warmth and laughter and love. Oliver felt all those things as they walked into the bright, sunny room. 

“But Raisa,” a young voice was protesting. “The teacher said I was naughty and that I had to stay in from recess. Doesn’t that mean I’m a bad boy?”

He and Felicity rounded a corner to see Raisa, the Queen family housekeeper, kneeling before a young Oliver. He couldn’t have been more than six years old. His face was streaked with tears. 

“Of course not, Mr. Oliver,” Raisa said, smiling kindly. “You are a good boy.”

“You’re just saying that because my family pays you,” little Oliver said, sniffling. 

“No, I’m not,” Raisa insisted. “I’m saying that because I know you. I’ve helped raise you since you first came home from the hospital. You are a sweet boy, Mr. Oliver. Now tell me, what happened at school to make you say all this?”

Oliver and Felicity hung back, watching while Raisa helped boost little Oliver onto a stool at the kitchen island. Then, she got him a glass of milk and a plate of cookies while he talked about what had happened at school. The memories came flooding back to Oliver as his younger self spoke. 

“It was free reading time, just before morning recess. I’ve been looking at the ‘Happy Squirrel’ books all week long and I wanted to read the next book today. But then Carter Bowen took it from me. I had it on my desk and everything and he just took it right off my desk. When I tried to get the book back from him, he told Ms. Bauer that I was the one who stole it. And I wasn’t! I got mad and I said a naughty word,” the young boy admitted, his head hanging low. 

“What word did you say?” Raisa asked gently.

“I called him a stupid head,” little Oliver admitted, another tear slipping down his chubby cheek. 

“You know that’s not a good name to call someone, right?” the housekeeper asked, nudging the plate of cookies closer to him. His younger self picked one up and nibbled on it. 

“I know,” he said, his little shoulders heaving as he took a shaky breath. “But I was just so mad, it just came out.”

“You let your emotions take control of you. Understandable, since you felt wronged… still, not the right choice to make.”

“I know, Raisa.” 

“But just because you made the wrong choice… it does not make you a bad boy, Mr. Oliver.”

Teary blue eyes looked up. “It doesn’t?” 

“No.” A kind smile and a pat on his cheek. “It doesn’t. You are a good boy. You have a good heart. You will try that much harder to make the right choice the next time.”

“And what if I don’t make the right choice the next time?”

Raisa shrugged and straightened up. “Then you have the next time. And the next time after that. Life never runs out of second chances, Mr. Oliver. Remember that.”

“She’s a wise lady,” Felicity said at his elbow. Oliver jumped a little, having forgotten she was there. 

“She is. She helped raise me, you know.”

“I know. She’s always loved you. And vice versa.”

Oliver watched his younger self, already feeling better, drink his milk. “She has,” he agreed. 

“What would she say to you? Here, tonight?” Felicity asked. 

Oliver looked to Raisa, who busied about the kitchen, preparing that evening’s dinner and keeping an eye on him as he told her about his day at school. He knew the answer to what Felicity asked but he was reluctant to speak it. 

“Oliver?” 

“She’d be heartbroken,” he said at last. “But… she always thought the best of me. She probably doesn’t know everything that I’ve done over the years… or even just this last day.”

“Do you honestly think she’d change her opinion of you because of all of that?” Felicity asked him. 

Oliver nodded. “I do. She should, at any rate.” 

“She wouldn’t.” 

“Are mother and father going to be here for dinner tonight?” little Oliver asked Raisa. 

They saw Raisa’s expression change. Her back was to little Oliver, so he couldn’t see, but they had a good view as a pained look crossed her features. She took a breath or two, and then schooled herself, fixing a smile on her lips before she turned to the little boy. 

“No, they have some business at QC to take care of tonight. They’ll be home later.”

Little Oliver’s face fell. “I have to eat alone?” 

His little voice, saddened, nearly broke Oliver’s heart. He remembered all too well those frequent disappointments when he was a child, how his parents were rarely around. Eventually, he’d stopped asking for them. But the loneliness and missing them never went away. 

Raisa smiled at him, but Oliver could see the tears filling her eyes. “I’ll be here. I’ll eat with you. You can sit right here in the kitchen and we’ll eat together. How does that sound?”

The little boy’s smile was tremulous. “I’d like that, I think,” he said. 

“It’s a date then,” Raisa said. “I’m making pot roast and mashed potatoes.”

“My favorite!” he exclaimed, perking up. 

The housekeeper chuckled. “I know.”

“Its time to go,” Felicity said, touching his arm. 

“B-but…” He looked towards his younger self, wanting to stay a moment longer, as though he could let the kid know that he wasn’t alone after all. He had Raisa and she was amazing. Like a second mother to him, in fact. 

“Oliver… there’s nothing you can do,” she reminded him. 

Oliver sighed. “I know.”

“C’mon. Let’s go.”

Reluctantly, Oliver turned to her and she placed her hands on his face once more. Moments later, they were back in his apartment. 

Oliver moved to the sofa and dropped onto it. He placed his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Seeing his young self, so innocent and eager to please… he’d been a different person then. So open and yearning for love. How had he lost that? 

Felicity sat next to him and put a hand on his back, rubbing gently. “What are you thinking?” she asked. 

He lifted his head and gave her a look. “You mean you don’t already know? I thought you knew everything about me?”

“I got to see you, but not your mind. I mean, Gabriel might be able to see your thoughts. I don’t know, actually. And anyhow I can’t even see you without his help because, again, I don’t have my wings. That’s something I’ll be able to do on my own once I do have my wings. But the thoughts? I honestly don’t know. Maybe, though,” she babbled. 

Oliver shook his head, smiling. “I don’t understand half of that. You mean, you can’t… see me without wings?”

“Not on my own. I needed Gabriel’s help.”

“What about this, what we’re doing now? Where you take me into my past and let me see those scenes play out. How are you doing that?” he asked, curious. If he was going to believe her, that she was an angel and that this was really happening, he had some big questions. 

“That’s Gabriel. I put my hands on you and make my request to him… he then acts through me. Sort of like I’m a vessel, I suppose,” she replied. “Think of me as more of an ‘angel representative’ right now. But hopefully, that’ll change soon.”

“You really want to be an angel, don’t you?” 

She nodded vigorously. “Oh yes. There’s several options for us up there. I could have put in for reincarnation… had another go at living on earth. I considered that pretty seriously, actually. Because there were a lot of things I wanted to do that I never got a chance to, you know? But more than that, I wanted to help. And for that, I had to become an angel.”

That was interesting. “What sort of things had you wanted to do?” he asked. 

“I see what you’re doing, mister,” she chastised. “This is supposed to be about _you_ , not me. You’re evading.”

“Humor me,” he said, giving her a pleading look. 

Felicity grumbled a little but she was smiling. “Fine. I wanted to create something, build something with my name on it. I was actually very smart, back when I was alive. I went to college and I had all these aspirations. They weren’t going to happen, of course. Not at that point in time. Which is why I considered the reincarnation. The next era I lived in would be more conducive towards a woman in business that way.”

“Really?” Oliver was surprised. “What did you want to create?”

“At the time? I didn’t know. But…well… after… I always kind of liked technology. Even when I was alive. So I think I’d like to have been involved in that. I also always wanted to travel. See lots of different countries, experience lots of different cultures. I also…” She trailed off and her cheeks turned bright red. 

Oliver scooted forward, curious. “What?”

“No… its stupid.”

“Tell me.”

“I wanted to get married. I wanted to find my soulmate and travel the world together and have a family and just… have all of that,” she admitted, keeping her eyes averted, her cheeks still blazing. 

Oliver felt something, listening to that. It was almost like a similar yearning. Because he could see it… the traveling and the family and coming home to someone and feeling like he _belonged_. “I don’t think that’s stupid,” he said at last. 

“You don’t?” She lifted her head and looked at him, her eyes big. 

He shook his head. “No. Not at all. I think those are wonderful things to want.”

Felicity smiled. “Thanks. Well, I made my choice and that is all off the board now. It’s all angel all the time for me now. Or it will be after I get these wings.”

“Well. I hope you get them. You’re willing to put up with me, you clearly deserve your wings,” Oliver said. 

“See? I knew it.” Felicity looked smug. 

“Knew what?”

“You’re a sweetheart, Oliver Queen. Raisa was right. You have a good heart.”

Right there, right then in that moment, Oliver felt that as long as Felicity believed it, that maybe it could actually be true. Maybe. 

***

As understanding and encouraging as Felicity was, she was also just that determined. She wasn’t giving up on “saving” him and showing him that his life was absolutely worth living. As much as Oliver now believed, at least a little, that she was who she said she was… he wasn’t quite on board with her message to him. He’d ruined his life, not just in one day but over years and years. And little trips back in time to see fond memories wasn’t going to sway him on that. If anything, the glimpses just convinced him how far he’d fallen from grace and how hopeless any redemption actually was. 

“I’m going to take you a little further forward now,” Felicity announced once Oliver had gotten himself together again. “I have an idea now, I want to see what this brings up.”

“Do your worst, angel girl,” he told her. 

She smirked at him before placing her hands on his face. When he reopened his eyes, he saw that he was standing in the hallway at Starling Prep Elementary. His young self, not much older than the last time he’d seen him, was walking down the hallway wearing a backpack that was nearly as large as he was. 

While they watched, another little boy just down the hall was pushed by two bigger kids. He fell over and his backpack, which wasn’t zipped all the way shut, spilled open and all the books and pencils flew out. 

“Hey!” the boy cried, indignant. 

“You gonna cry now, baby?” one of the bigger boys taunted. 

“That’s Tommy,” Oliver breathed, amazed. He’d forgotten all about this. This was how they met. It was the first day of second grade and Tommy was new to Starling Prep. The Merlyns had just moved from Gotham to Starling; Oliver’s parents had been talking about them at home a lot… when he got the chance to see his parents, that is. 

“Poor little guy,” Felicity said, her forehead wrinkling. “Kids can be so mean sometimes.”

“Those guys were assholes,” Oliver confirmed. 

“Do you need help?” little Oliver asked, stopping next to Tommy who sat on the floor with the contents of his backpack around him, looking overwhelmed. 

Tommy looked at him, blinking. “Yeah… uh… who are you?”

“I’m Oliver Queen,” his younger self said, sticking out his hand. 

Tommy shook it. “Tommy Merlyn. I’m new.”

“Queen, why don’t you stay out of it unless you want us to mess you up too!” one of the larger kids said. 

Oliver stood up to him, notching his jaw and glaring at the older boy. He was big for his age, and nearly matched the older kid in size. “Stop being such a bully or no one will want to be your friend, Max!”

The other boy glared for another moment before backing down. He gestured to his other friends. “C’mon, let’s go. These babies are so lame.”

As the bigger kids walked away, Oliver went back to helping Tommy put his things back into his bag. 

“Thanks for helping,” Tommy said. 

Little Oliver shrugged. “Max Fuller is just a bully. He’s always being mean to littler kids.”

“Hey, do you know where room 2b is?” Tommy asked as he got to his feet again. 

“Yeah, that’s where my classroom is! Right this way, follow me.”

The two boys headed down the hall together and Oliver smiled after them. “We were inseparable after that. And Max never picked on Tommy again. Good thing, or I would have had to sock him in the nose.”

“You were a good friend,” Felicity remarked. “Standing up to bullies and helping the new kid out. There’s that good heart again.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “Anyone would have done what I did. It wasn’t that special.”

“That’s where you and I will have to disagree.”

This time, Felicity didn’t bring them back to the apartment. Instead, a new scene unfolded when she placed her fingers at his temples. This time, it was the school cafeteria. Little Tommy and Oliver were sitting at their usual table, talking and laughing and sharing food from their lunches with one another. The noise in the cafeteria was insane and Felicity and Oliver had to move closer to the table to hear what was going on with the young boys there. 

“I heard there’s a new girl in school,” Oliver said, stuffing a triangle of sandwich in his mouth. 

“I saw her,” Tommy said. “She was in the principals office this morning. I hope Max doesn’t pick on her like he picked on me last year.”

“He better not. Did you hear he gave that first grader, Curtis Holt, a bloody nose? What an jerk.”

Tommy’s eyes got wide. “Don’t let the lunchroom monitor hear you say that word!”

Little Oliver just shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich. 

“Hey, there she is,” Tommy said, his voice just above a whisper. “The new girl.”

He was pointing across the cafeteria and Felicity and Oliver looked to see a girl with brown hair separated into pigtails standing uncertainly with her lunch book in the door to the room. “That’s Laurel,” Oliver said. “Wow.”

“She doesn’t have any friends here?” little Oliver asked. 

Tommy shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. She transferred from the public school. Let’s invite her to sit at our table so she doesn’t have to eat alone.”

“Sure, I guess.”

Little Tommy got up and went over to the little girl, and spoke to her, gesturing to the table where Oliver sat. She smiled, perking up considerably, and followed Tommy back to the table. “Hi, I’m Laurel,” she said as she set her lunchbox down and took the seat across from Tommy. 

“Hi, I’m Oliver,” his younger self greeted. 

As Oliver recalled, the three of them were good friends after that and Laurel ate lunch with them every day. He was still best friends with Tommy, but Laurel joined them more and more as the years went on. For a while, Oliver thought Tommy might have had a crush on her, but he never said or did anything about it. When they were all in high school, Oliver asked Laurel out and that, as they say, was that. 

“Tommy seems to like her,” Felicity noticed, giving voice to Oliver’s thoughts. He watched the three kids, saw how Tommy hung on every word Laurel said. 

“Yeah… for a while I thought he had a crush on her.”

“Maybe he did and he just never told you.”

Oliver scoffed. “Tommy told me everything.”

Felicity shrugged. “Ready to move on?”

He was. The next place Felicity brought him was back at the Queen mansion. This time, they were in the sitting room, where his parents usually received guests. His mother sat in a chair near the fireplace and his father stood next to a drink cart, mixing himself a cocktail. 

“Mom? Raisa said you wanted to see me,” a little voice from the door to the room said. Both the adults looked up and smiled. 

It was his younger self again, maybe only a few months past the last peek they’d had at the school’s cafeteria. Oliver remembered, quite suddenly, exactly what this moment was and he shifted his stance, leaning forward in anticipation. 

His mother opened her arms. “Come here, sweetheart. We have something we want to tell you.”

Oliver was nine at the time and considerably less innocent than he had been that afternoon the kitchen with Raisa. The young boy had an unsure expression on his face and he remembered how nervous he’d been that his parents were about to tell him they were getting a divorce. A lot of kids he knew were dealing with that and sometimes he felt like it was only a matter of time before his parents got divorced as well. 

Robert must have noticed his son’s hesitation because he smiled at him. “You’re not in trouble, son. Its good news, I promise.”

Little Oliver obviously wasn’t sure what to make of all of this and didn’t reply. It was strange enough that his parents were home on a weeknight. That didn’t happen very often in those days. But both of them being home and then asking him to come to to the sitting room to tell him some news? Something was up and he didn’t like it. 

“What is, Mom?” his younger self asked. 

Moira looked to Robert and smiled. He nodded at her and she turned her smile on little Oliver. “You’re going to be a big brother.”

The boy’s brow wrinkled. “What? How?”

“Your mother is pregnant,” his father said. “That means a baby is growing in her belly right now.”

“That’s right,” his mother replied, smoothing a hand over the small swelling at the front of her dress. “In about six months, you’re going to be a big brother.”

“A baby?” He looked at his mother’s stomach and his expression was clearly uneasy. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

His parents both chuckled. “We don’t know yet, sweetheart,” his mother said. “But we’re very excited about this. Are you excited too?”

Little Oliver looked from his mother to his father and then back again. He could tell there was a right and a wrong answer to this question. “I… I guess so. Yeah. A little brother would be cool.”

But it was clear the little boy was anything but excited. His parents exchanged another look, expression less happy this time, but they recovered and hugged him in turn. 

Oliver felt something at his hand and looked down to see Felicity squeezing it reassuringly. “Why did you show me this?” he asked her. 

“It’s an important moment from your history,” she told him. “A lot changed for you right here.”

That was true enough. He was growing older but he was also growing more reserved and more jaded. He put on a face with his friends at school all the time now and his grades were suffering as he neglected his schoolwork. He wanted to play video games more than he wanted to do his homework and his parents weren’t much for keeping him on track. 

“I was very nervous at the prospect of being a big brother,” he admitted to Felicity. 

“I know. And, Oliver, I want you to know that’s very normal. I mean, I never had a sibling. I always wanted one but… Well, it’s a long story. But your situation wasn’t at all like mine. You already felt like you had a fraction of your parents’ attention and now here comes a baby that would take even _more_ of it away from you. Of course you would be apprehensive about that.”

Oliver blinked against the stinging at the back of his eyes. “I thought you said you couldn’t read minds,” he said quietly. 

Felicity smiled and squeezed his hand again. “I can’t. But I can tell, Oliver. I know you, even without reading your mind. And I can see in that sweet little boy’s face… that he’s just so scared about what this means for his family. That’s okay, Oliver. It’s okay that you felt that way.”

He took a deep breath. For a long time, he’d felt really guilty about the way he felt about hearing his mother was pregnant. He loves his little sister now… to admit that he’d been upset at hearing she was coming was something he never told another soul, not even Tommy or Raisa. He was ashamed of how he’d felt. But now Felicity told him that it was normal for him to feel that way. God, it almost made him wish he’d had her in his life back then, to hold his hand and tell him it was all okay. 

Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have gotten so far off course. Maybe he would have been a better man today, rather than the utter failure that he knew he was. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity hits a wall with Oliver so she decides to try something different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all beautiful people. I was so unsure about this story and I still am a bit, but your encouragement means the world. Hope everyone is having a lovely week.

The next moment Felicity showed him was the day his parents brought Thea home from the hospital. He hadn’t been able to go see her at the hospital, since he was in school and then at a birthday party with a sleepover that night. By the time he got home, his parents were due any minute. Oliver remembered the herd of butterflies that had taken up residence in his tummy as he stood in the foyer with Raisa, waiting to meet his baby sister. 

“I was so disappointed, at first, that it wasn’t a baby brother,” he admitted to Felicity. “I wanted to show him baseball and video games and play around in the pool. As it turns out, I was still able to do those things with a sister. But good luck telling a ten year old me that.”

Felicity chuckled. “At least you learned your mistake. I might not be here today if I thought you had such sexist views.”

Oliver honestly couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. 

“Here they come,” Raisa said, patting the younger him on the back. 

The front door opened and his father stepped through, holding it open for his mother who came through a moment later, holding a little blanketed bundle in her arms. It reminded Oliver of the scene in the hospital room when he’d been born, but his mother’s hair was shorter and the blanket was pink this time. 

He knew, watching his younger self, that his palms were sweaty and he was already set to dislike this sister of his. But he also noticed the hopeful smiles on his parents faces and as a child he absolutely hadn’t noticed that at all. He’d stared, sullenly, at the bundle, but hadn’t even considered what his parents were thinking or feeling about this first meeting. 

“Let’s go into the sitting room, buddy, and you can hold her,” his father suggested, a hand at his back. 

Oliver remembered, very vividly, that all he’d wanted to do was escape up to his room to play more video games. But he’d gone along, taking a seat on the long sofa. His father handed him a throw pillow, instructing him to set it in his lap. Then, his mother bent down and placed the snuffling bundle in his arms, on top of the pillow. 

Babies aren’t generally much to look at and his sister wasn’t much exception. As he peered over his younger self’s shoulder, he saw exactly what he remembered seeing… a pink, wrinkled face and a shock of dark hair sticking up in all different directions. 

But he also noticed his younger self relaxing his shoulders and staring at the newborn in his arms. And he knew this was the moment he fell in love with that little girl. A little smile crept across his face as he bounced her gently. She opened her eyes, squinty dark eyes that they were, and Oliver’s heart was forever lost. 

Now, he looked up at his parents and saw their proud, smiling faces. His mother had tears in her eyes and his father had his arm around her, hugging her to him. 

“Guess you realized sisters aren’t all that bad, huh?” Felicity said, smiling down at the two children. 

“I did,” Oliver admitted. “I remember holding her there very well. I was promising to her that I’d be such a good brother, that I’d always look out for her and take care of her.”

“I’d say you did a pretty good job.”

“I could be better now, though,” he said. 

Felicity shrugged. “She’d love to see you for Christmas. You mean a lot to her too, you know. And to your parents. To Tommy and even Laurel. Think of how upset they’d be if you weren’t there anymore. If you’d been successful in jumping off that bridge tonight.”

Oliver felt his stomach churn a little at the thought. 

“What did you tell yourself that they would think, learning what happened to you?” she pressed. 

“Can we… not do this here?” he asked, looking to the sweet pair of siblings on the sofa. 

“Yes… that’s probably better. Sorry…” She placed her hands on his face and they were brought immediately back to the apartment. Oliver was almost getting used to the jarring transitions, but he did have a bit of a headache. He pressed fingers to his temples to assuage it while he crossed the living room. 

Felicity paced around, looking a bit anxious and twisting her fingers together. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pausing next to the sofa.

“I’m sorry, Oliver.” She bit her lip, sliding a look at him

He sunk onto his sofa and looked at her curiously. “What for?”

“I did press you… really hard actually and you were right, that wasn’t the right place for it.”

“Maybe so. But it was a good question you were asking me.” 

“Do you have an answer to it?” she asked, stopping in front of him. 

“Here’s the thing,” he said, shifting a little where he sat. “I know they’d be upset to hearthat I… that I was gone. I know that. I’m not blind to that. But… I can’t get over the thought that they would _all_ be better off without me in their lives. I can’t erase myself or anything I’ve done before now… but maybe I can fix things going forward.”

“Why do you think they’d be better off?” she wanted to know. 

“I’ve done nothing but bring these people grief, Felicity,” he said. 

Her mouth popped open. “Have you not been paying attention? Everything that I’ve shown you is all about how happy you’ve made these people, how they care about you, and how much they appreciate you!”

“Yes, the _younger_ me. I can’t deny I had promise then. But something happened when I got older. I squandered my potential, I acted like a fool and now look where we are! All that goodness they saw in me when I was young was wasted and now all they are is frustrated with me. Hurt by me. I’ve ruined everything good.”

Tears filled Felicity’s eyes and she blinked rapidly, looking away. “Oh, Oliver… do you even love yourself?” 

His cheeks warmed and he ducked his head. He’d never been asked that or even thought about it before. “I--I don’t know.”

“How can I show you there’s value to your life if you don’t even love yourself?” she asked. “How can I show you there is more to you than what you see in yourself?”

“I really don’t know, Felicity. If you ask me, I don’t think I’m worth the effort. I’m really grateful for what you’ve done, that you want to try, but… I don’t like you wasting your time.”

“I don’t think you’re a waste of time, Oliver,” she said softly, sitting on the sofa next to him. Her leg pressed into his and he had to tear his eyes away from the bare shoulder that his overlarge t-shirt exposed. So not the time and she was an _angel_ for crying out loud. 

“I’m no good, Felicity.” 

“And I disagree,” she argued. “How can I show you what I see in you?” 

“I don’t think you can. I honestly don’t think it’s there. Please, stop wasting time on me. You can take another assignment to get your wings,” he told her, feeling the despair filling him. 

Suddenly, her arms were around him. Oliver blinked, surprised, before he put his arms around her in return. She was hugging him, her hair tickling his nose and her face pressed into his shoulder. After a moment, he relaxed, realizing he liked the feel of her there, the comfort she was lending him. He rubbed a hand over her back and she leaned into him even more. 

“Do all angels hug their charges?” he asked softly, mostly teasing. Mostly.

Felicity released him then and he was almost sorry he’d said something. It’d been so nice holding her, and behind held by her. She laughed a little, wiping under her eyes. “No, actually. I haven’t hugged anyone since before I died.”

She stood up abruptly and paced away from him and Oliver watched her, curious by her reaction. She’d been the one to hug him but now she acted like she was upset by the hug. He couldn’t figure that out, but he felt bad for making her feel awkward. 

“How about you show me my next moment?” he suggested, keeping his tone light, hoping to distract her.

Felicity turned back to him, her face was and she wasn’t meeting his eyes. She nodded jerkily and reached out for his face, barely even looking at him as she did so. And so, they were plunged into yet another memory of his. 

The only problem is this was a memory Oliver would have been happy to forget.

***

They materialized in a bedroom that Oliver didn’t recognize at first. But as soon as he did, he felt the blood drain out of his face. 

“No, this is wrong,” he muttered, looking around. The room was empty as of yet and Felicity looked confused as well. 

“Wait… I meant to take us to when you took Thea to her dance recital. Where are we?” she murmured, mostly to herself. 

There was high pitched giggling, just outside the door and then a thump, as though someone had fallen against it. A lower voice and then the doorknob jiggled. 

“Let’s go back to my apartment,” Oliver said suddenly. 

“What is this?” Felicity asked him, her brow furrowing. 

The door crashed open and a couple fell through, laughing and giggling. Oliver winced, both at the sight and the memory. 

The girl was young, but still older than him. She was 18, a senior about to graduate. Oliver was 15… this was his birthday party, in fact. The girl was… a friend of one of the girls at the party and her name… Oliver searched through his memory to recall it as his teenage self pawed at her breasts with a decided lack of grace. He had zero game.

It was his first time, after all. 

“Christina Coleman,” he said aloud, finally remembering. 

“Wha—?” Felicity looked at him. “Oh, is that who she is? Was she your girlfriend?” 

“I thought you knew everything about me?” he said as he watched the two kids fumble with one another. Christina’s movements were a bit more practiced than his were, but that wasn’t saying much. 

“I… missed this,” Felicity said, her cheeks coloring as she averted her eyes. It occurred to him that maybe she’d missed it on purpose and was more than happy to “miss” it again. 

“No, she wasn’t my girlfriend,” he said, quietly. He felt his own cheeks burning as his neck heated up. He remembered his friends pressuring him about losing his virginity, and how Christina had this reputation and thought he was cute. She was three years older than him, which felt like an eternity at the time. He’d thought she was pretty but his nerves over the whole scenario had dampened his attraction quite a bit. 

Lucky for his ego but perhaps unlucky for his psyche, a teenage boy’s physique didn’t need a lot of emotional encouragement to get the job done. And his body had fully cooperated once Christina had taken off her dress. Which… she was doing right now. 

Felicity turned away, her mouth screwed up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring you here,” she admitted. “I—I messed up. I was feeling flustered and wasn’t focusing like I should. Gabriel will yell at me.”

Oliver glanced at the bed where the young couple were quickly getting to the main course and winced again. He clearly hadn’t learn the fine art of foreplay yet. “We can go,” he suggested. “Let’s go.”

“You don’t want to… remember?” she asked him, still avoiding the scene but cringing against the sounds. 

“Absolutely not,” he declared. 

Felicity didn’t need any more encouragement before she placed her hands on his face and her eyes closed, focusing on where to bring them next. The world tilted and spun and his apartment materialized around them. Oliver blew out a relieved breath. 

“God that was awful,” he murmured. Felicity regarded him curiously. 

“That was your first time, wasn’t it?” she asked. 

“Angels know about sex, then?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow and hoping to dispel some of the tension that had filled the room. 

Felicity gave him a dry look. “I was alive once. And of course. I just… didn’t really pay attention during those parts of your history,” she admitted and her cheeks turned pink. Oliver found that reaction pretty curious. 

“Are all angels so modest?” he asked, his amusement rising. 

The snort Felicity made was rather indelicate. “Absolutely not. Some of them are downright pervy, if you want the truth.”

“Buncha voyeurs,” he joked. That made her smile. 

“So your first time wasn’t a good memory?” she asked gently. 

Oliver shook his head. “I mean… I was glad to get it over with. But that right there tells you it wasn’t the best sort of memory. It was something to get over with.”

Felicity just looked sad. “A person’s first time should absolutely be more than just something to get over with.”

“I know… well, I know _now_. At the time, I had all my friends pushing me to do it. One of my friends even went to Christina to ask her if she’d… deflower me. It all felt vaguely sleazy, to be honest. I felt like I had something to prove and if I didn’t do it, then my friends wouldn’t ever let me hear the end of it. I would have been the butt of every joke at school for the rest of the year if not until I graduated.”

As he spoke, the shame of that moment from his life rose up and filled him. He hadn’t thought much about that night since it happened and that was very much on purpose. He hadn’t even been able to get Christina to orgasm, or known enough to know that he should have at least tried to bring her pleasure. Even afterward, when Christina had put her dress back on and left him alone in that bedroom at Tommy’s house, Oliver had been filled with shame. Even at 15, he’d known that he’d lost something about himself that night, but he hadn’t known what. Now, looking back, Oliver knew it was his innocence. 

Felicity reached out for him, to put a hand on his arm but right then, he didn’t want it. He moved away, his face burning. The embarrassment, apparently, was still there, fresh as it’d been nearly fifteen years ago. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he said. “I just… I need a moment. Let me go get your dress from the dryer.” 

Oliver excused himself and hurried to the laundry room. He knew nothing of psychology and as far as he knew, there was no viable reason to believe the way he lost his virginity lead to his cavalier attitude about sex and relationships now but… it felt more significant than just a throw away moment. Maybe Felicity hadn’t meant to take him to that room at that time, but Gabriel or whoever else was in charge of this might have. 

Felicity’s dress was dry and, from what he could tell, flowing and ethereal and he started to wonder if stuffing it in his dryer was a mistake, if he’d ruined it somehow. Then again, if it was a heavenly garment, could it really be _ruined_ in a dryer? He brought it back to Felicity, who was standing near the windows looking out. 

“Its midnight,” she told him, as she turned around. 

He handed her the dress. “Is that significant? Do you disappear in a half hour or something?” 

She shook her head. “No. It just feels like it should be later than that, don’t you think?”

It did feel like a lifetime had passed since he’d stumbled drunkenly out of Verdant earlier that evening. Strangely, he didn’t feel tired. 

“Why don’t you go get changed. Then we can see where we go next?” he suggested. “If we go anywhere, that is.” 

Felicity nodded and walked away to his room to change her clothes. She seemed deflated, her light was dimmed somewhat. He hoped that wasn’t because of him. He absolutely was not worth it. But if anyone could dim an angel’s light, it was certainly him. 

***

While Felicity was changing, he went into the guest bath to splash some water on his face. He felt a riot of emotions but none of them were what he thought Felicity was hoping he’d feel. He didn’t feel hope for his future. Instead, he felt sadness for his past and what he’d lost. He hated to let her down, but he didn’t want to lie to her either. 

He barely even knew her and somehow he’d become completely drawn to her in the short time they’d been together. Even knowing it was a ploy to prevent him from taking his life, he didn’t regret saving her from that river. Not one bit. She was the only good thing to have come out of this godforsaken day. 

Felicity came out of his room the same time he emerged from the guest bath. She smiled and ducked her head and he took the moment to drink in the sight of her. 

The dress was long and flowing, the diaphanous white fabric floating as she walked. Seeing her in this dress, it wasn’t hard to believe she was an angel. She very much looked the part. 

“You look beautiful,” he told her. 

She blushed but smiled. “Thank you. I feel more like me now,” she admitted. 

She sat on the sofa and patted the spot next to her, inviting him to sit next to her. He felt a little awkward, seeing her in that dress as she was meant to be seen. Even though he knew she was still the same Felicity. Oliver sat but was careful not to jostle her. 

“I hate that I’m wasting your time,” Oliver said. “It’s Christmas Eve. You could be helping so many people tonight, people who _can_ be helped.”

“I want to help _you_ ,” she insisted. She took his hand in hers and he wanted to shut his eyes at the smooth softness of her skin against his. “I know you think you’re a lost cause, Oliver, but the more you insist that you are, the more determined I am to show you that you aren’t.”

“I just don’t think looking into my past is helping,” he told her. “It just reminds me of how much I’ve let everyone down.”

“I wanted to show you what you mean to the people in your life. Haven’t you seen that?” she asked. 

“I have… but that was all before I burned those bridges to the ground,” he said. “Its different now. My parents look at me differently, so do my friends.”

Felicity sighed. “They just want to see you be the best you can be—“

“And I’ve shown, over and over, that I don’t have ‘the best I can be’ inside of me! They’re getting the message, why can’t you?”

“Because this isn’t about _me_!” she exclaimed. “This is about you. _You_ need to get the message that you are better than this. That you’re worth it. That there’s good in you and that you _matter_.”

Oliver wanted to yell out his frustration. He clenched his fists and his jaw and tried to breathe through it. Felicity wanted something from him that just wasn’t there. He couldn’t believe in himself because there was nothing to believe in. 

“Tell me you have another plan, then, because this isn’t working,” Oliver said at last, once he’d gotten his frustration under control again. 

Felicity tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully. “You say the problem is that you’re seeing the past and how you let everyone down as you grew up, right?”

“Absolutely correct.”

“So let’s look at the present instead,” she suggested cheerily. 

“The problem is, I know what people think of me _now_. That’s part of the issue. And they’re not wrong.”

“You actually don’t know what people think of you now. You suspect you know, but you don’t actually,” Felicity pointed out. 

Oliver rolled his eyes. 

She pointed at him. “Don’t give me that. Go into this with an open mind. You don’t know until you see for yourself, right?”

“If you say so,” he muttered and then he leaned his head down towards her. “Do your thing.”

***

They materialized in an apartment that Oliver recognized and knew nearly as well as his own. It belonged to his best friend. But if it hadn’t been for that, Oliver would have wondered because sitting on the sofa, a wine glass in her hand, was Laurel Lance. 

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything else?” came Tommy’s voice from the kitchen. 

“I’m good, Tommy, I swear,” Laurel called back. 

“I didn’t think they were that good of friends,” Oliver admitted. “I mean, we were all friends when we were kids but lately?”

“Really?” Felicity said. “That’s interesting.”

A moment later, Tommy popped out, carrying his own wine glass and a bowl of popcorn. He set it on the coffee table and took a seat next to Laurel. 

“So you didn’t tell me when you got here… how are you doing?” he asked her. 

Laurel sighed. “It’s not been my happiest Christmas to date,” she said, her voice edged with sarcasm. 

“C’mon. You don’t have to play it off with me. I know Oliver took that girl up to the office. And I know you went up there right afterwards. You saw something up there, I know you did. You went running out of Verdant pretty quickly after that,” Tommy said. 

“I just finally caught up to the truth of who Ollie really is… he is a rotten cheater and I deserve better than him.” 

“Laurel… you knew this about him. He’s been this way for years. I’ve told you, your sister told you… everyone has been telling you,” Tommy pointed out gently. 

Her cheeks pinked a little. “I know. But I thought that he’d change, that he’d grow up. I really believed that our engagement would help him grow up. I was naive, okay?”

“I think maybe you thought you could overlook it so long as you became Mrs. Oliver Queen,” Tommy said. 

Laurel glared at him. “That makes me sound like a gold digger.”

“I’m not saying you are. Just… you got it in your head that you’d marry Oliver back when we were still in school. You were willing to overlook an _awful_ lot just to make that dream come true.”

“Tommy…”

“I’m only saying this because I want you to acknowledge it and move past it,” he said. 

“What good is this doing?” Oliver asked Felicity. “They’re talking about how awful I am. Which, I’ll remind you, is exactly what I predicted.”

“I’ll move past it. Just… I need some time, okay? I just called off my wedding today, Tommy. I need… time.”

“Time, I can give you.” He clinked his wine glass against his. “You’ll realize that this is all for the best.”

“I wish I’d never met Oliver Queen,” Laurel grumbled. 

Tommy looked uncomfortable. “Now… you don’t mean that. He’s not a horrible guy, Laurel. He’s just made some bad choices.”

“Are you kidding me? I caught him screwing some random woman and I just _know_ it wasn’t the first time since we’ve been engaged. He got fired from his job at QC. He got in a _wreck_ tonight, Tommy, because he was drinking and driving.”

“I tried to get him to take a cab,” Tommy insisted. “He was just… he was really upset, Laurel. I think everything caught up with him after you caught him.”

“He could have killed someone tonight.”

“I know,” Tommy said, looking mournful. “And don’t you think I feel guilty about that? I should have taken his keys from him.” 

“He was a shitty boyfriend and I think he’s probably a pretty shitty friend too, Tommy. Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to realize something about Ollie,” Laurel pointed out. 

“Laurel… he’s my best friend.”

“You’re going to have to realize, sooner or later, that best friend or not he’s never going to grow up.”

“I want to go,” Oliver said. This wasn’t just as bad as he thought, it was worse. 

“Oliver… don’t you see? Tommy is defending you! Laurel is just hurt—“

“Please,” he begged her. “I want to go.”

Felicity sighed and looked towards the couple on the sofa. She looked distinctly disappointed, as if she’d been expecting a different outcome. Then she nodded. “All right. Let’s go back to the apartment.”

A few moments later, they were back and Oliver went directly to his kitchen to pour a drink. “You want something?” he asked her. 

“I haven’t had a drink in thirty years,” she admitted. 

“I’ve got whiskey,” he said, pulling down a few tumblers and getting his favorite whiskey out of the cupboard. 

“I’ll take a little glass,” she said, holding her fingers up very close together. She walked to the kitchen island and perched on one of the barstools there. 

Oliver poured two servings, giving himself twice as much as he gave her. He took a healthy swig while she sipped gingerly at hers. Felicity made a face at the taste but then took another sip. 

“Not used to whiskey?” he asked her, amused. 

“Not really. It wasn’t my drink back… in my day.”

“What was?”

“Red wine.” 

“Wine, huh? How old are you? Er… were you?”

“I was 24 when I died,” she admitted, taking another delicate sip. 

“Can I ask—?” He’d been so curious but was unsure about asking. What was the etiquette about asking someone how they died? He didn’t want to pry, but at the same time, he’d opened so much of himself to her that he wanted her to have a turn. Plus, he desperately needed the break from his own soul searching. 

“Yeah… I mean, it’s really only a big deal to me.” Felicity set her glass down on the counter and leaned forward onto her arms. “I went to MIT, studied computers and technology. There weren’t a lot of women in my program, I was only one of five in my graduating class, but I absolutely loved what I did. Getting a job after graduation was a little more difficult to manage, however. It’s very hard to be taken seriously, even in Silicon Valley, as a woman wanting to work in tech. Or it was, back in the 1980s. But I got a job. It was basically entry level, a go-fer type position, but I hoped that I could work may way up, you know?”

Oliver nodded, even though he really didn’t know. Everything he achieved had basically been given to him, earned or not. 

“Anyhow, I was settling into my life in the Bay Area and meeting new people. I went on a date with a co-worker, even though I knew it was probably a bad idea. He was really persistent though, and I knew I needed to get out more.”

Oliver’s expression must have reflected the anger he felt churning in him. He was very afraid of where this story was heading and the surge of protectiveness he felt over Felicity, even over something that would have happened thirty years ago, was nearly overwhelming. Felicity took one look at him and reached out to put a calming hand on his arm. 

“It wasn’t anything like what you’re imagining,” she assured him. 

“I thought you couldn’t read my mind,” he all but growled. 

“Ralph was pushy, but he wasn’t… he didn’t do anything besides be a crashing bore. I met him for drinks one night after work and he was just… not my type. I made my excuses after I felt enough time had passed, before he could ask me to extend it to dinner, and headed home. Traffic in the Bay Area is pretty awful, I’m sure you’ve heard, and it was a rainy evening…” She shrugged. “A semi jack-knifed on the freeway and the car behind me wasn’t paying attention and slammed into me, pushing me into the semi and my teeny car went under the wheels…”

Oliver felt the color drain out of his face at the mental image. He held up a hand. “Say no more. I get the idea.”

“Yeah… I pretty much didn’t feel anything, so that’s good. One minute I was alive and the next… I was not.”

“Still… I’m so sorry. It sounds like you had plans for your life,” Oliver said, something in his chest tugging, painfully. 

“I did. But isn’t that how life works? It does its own thing, completely uncaring of your own plans?”

He never really thought about it that way. “That’s depressingly accurate.” Oliver had dreams of being a baseball player when he was a kid. He was going to be famous and beloved. But then he lost interest in baseball and all he wanted to do was party and chase girls and do absolutely anything but what his parents wanted him to do. 

“Tell me about it,” Felicity deadpanned. She finished off her drink in a healthy swallow, surprising him after she’d been sipping so tentatively at it. He followed suit and they both set their glasses on the counter with echoing ‘clinks’. “Now. Are you ready to talk about what we saw at Tommy’s apartment?” 

Oliver blew out a breath. “Not really. I mean, I deserve everything Laurel was saying.”

“I’m not saying you don’t… but what about what Tommy said. He’s your best friend. He loves you.”

“I think he also loves Laurel,” Oliver said, putting a voice to something he’d thought for a long time but never fully acknowledged. 

Felicity’s eyebrows lifted. “Interesting. Yeah, I did pick up on a little chemistry there. How do you feel about that?”

“Are you asking if it makes me jealous?” he asked. He wondered if that’s what he felt but the more he considered it, the more ridiculous the notion felt.

“Maybe?”

“I don’t think so,” he replied truthfully. “I mean… it’s been how many years and if he did have feelings for her, I wish he’d said something long before now. Definitely before I proposed, at least. But that’s also very _Tommy_ of him. He wouldn’t say something to me because he wouldn’t want to step on my toes. No, I’m not jealous. It makes sense, actually.”

“Okay, so back to you… don’t you think the possibility that Tommy has feelings for Laurel but him defending you to her means even more?”

Oliver considered that. “I see what you’re saying… but…”

“But you don’t want to admit that I’m right?” Felicity prodded. “That your best friend does love you and still want the best for you?”

Oliver rolled her eyes. “Okay. Maybe you won this round. It doesn’t feel like it, but I’m being generous.”

Felicity rolled her eyes right back at him. “Fine then. Ready for another trip?”

“Lead the way.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven decides to step up the game with some questionable results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I feel I need to put an angst warning on this chapter... things get sad and deep... but we're setting the stage for some major things happening in the next few chapters. So I hope you'll stay with me on this. I much appreciate all the feedback and everyone who has said they enjoy this story. I wasn't sure, after I finished writing this for NaNo last month, if I should post it or not. I suppose I am glad that I did. So thank you all, if not for you, this story wouldn't be here.

“This is my house. Again,” Oliver said, looking around the wood paneled foyer. “Or… my parents house.”

“I didn’t say it before but I like the stained glass,” Felicity murmured, admiring the large windows that spanned the second story landing. 

“Is this now or is this the past?” Oliver asked. They were alone in the foyer… for the time being. The mansion had changed so little over the years that it was hard to tell from just a glance what era they were looking at. 

“This is now. Well, a couple hours ago, after your parents visited you at the hospital.”

“Okay… what are we here to see?”

“Hold on a moment. You’ll see.”

Felicity reached down and took his hand and Oliver was so startled by that, he didn’t notice the front door opening at first. Felicity nudged him and he looked to see his parents walking inside. They looked old and tired, their faces drawn. Neither of them spoke as they removed their coats and set them aside for someone to hang up for them later. 

“You okay?” Robert asked, rubbing Moira’s shoulder soothingly. 

His mother nodded, not speaking. Her eyes were so sad. 

“Let’s get this done,” his father suggested. When his mother nodded, he called up the stairs. “Thea! We’re home! Can you come down here for a moment?”

Somewhere upstairs, a door slammed and footsteps sounded on the landing above. They all looked up to see Thea approach the staircase. She was a pretty, young woman. Age was sharpening her features, giving her a refined look over the chubby cheeks she’d had as a teenager. Oliver noticed she’d cut her hair since she’d been at college. Not longer did it fall in long, brown waves past her shoulders. Instead, she sported a sleek bob that framed her face and made her look like a grown woman. 

“Hey guys. Where were you? I wanted to watch a Christmas movie but Raisa said you’d both gone out. She wouldn’t tell me where.”

“Come down here, we have something to tell you,” Moira said. 

Thea’s forehead creased as she descended the stairs. “What is it? Is everything okay? Where’s Ollie?” 

“That’s what we wanted to talk to you about,” Robert said. 

Thea paused on the stairs. “Is he okay?? What happened?”

“Let’s go into the sitting room.”

His sister looked decidedly upset as their parents ushered her into the sitting room. Oliver and Felicity followed and she still had a hold of his hand. He was grateful for it. 

“Have a seat,” Robert suggested and Thea sat on the sofa. His parents sat in the chairs opposite her. 

“We just came from the hospital,” Moira told her. “There was an accident tonight.”

“Ollie? Is he okay??” Thea was tearing up and Oliver felt his throat tighten. 

“He’s fine,” Robert reassured her. “The accident… it was his fault, honey. He had a few drinks at Verdant and then decided to drive home and he hit another car.”

Thea’s hazel eyes went wide. “He drove drunk? Is the other driver okay?”

“The other driver is hurt, but they’ll be okay. Your brother got very lucky.”

The tears in Thea’s eyes spilled over. “What was he thinking?” she moaned. “And on _Christmas_!”

Moira got up and came to sit next to her, rubbing her back. Thea leaned into her mother instantly. Robert looked pained. 

“Your brother had a rough day and he let it get to him and he did something he absolutely should not have,” he said. 

“Can I see him? Why isn’t he here if he’s okay?” Thea asked tearfully. 

“He… he wanted to go home to his apartment,” Moira explained gently. “But he’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Can I call him?” 

“I think Oliver wants to be alone right now,” Robert said. “We’re trying to respect that.”

“But I want to talk to him! I want to make sure he’s okay!”

“He’s fine, Thea, we promise,” his father said soothingly. “He’ll be here in the morning and you can see him and talk to him then, okay?” 

Oliver and Felicity were silent as they watched his parents soothe Thea and talk her down. Felicity still held his hand but her silence made him wonder something. 

“You think I should have gone to my parents house tonight, don’t you?” Oliver said. 

“I never said that,” Felicity replied quietly. 

“But you’re thinking it.”

“Actually, Oliver, I think _you’re_ thinking it. I think that’s your conscience talking. But you’ve been ignoring it so much in recent years I can understand you wouldn’t recognize it.”

Her words had bite but her tone softened what she was saying. She was teasing him, but she was also making a point. 

“Ha ha,” he said dryly. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” Felicity said. “I’m glad to see you thinking this way, realizing what your actions do to others. I don’t want to make you feel bad, Oliver, I just want to wake you up.”

He looked to his sister who was drying her eyes and hugging his parents. They all watched as she left the room, headed back to her room to go to bed. It was a much more somber Christmas Eve than she deserved to have and Oliver felt the weight of that on his soul. She deserved a happy Christmas. 

Did he want to be woken up? And did he want to be woken up by Felicity? 

“That was so much harder than I expected,” his mother said, after Thea was gone. 

“Can I get you a drink?” his father asked, standing and going to the bar tray that sat on the server. 

“Please. Brandy.”

“Thea has always looked up to him,” his father said as he fixed them drinks. It struck Oliver that it was very familiar to how he’d fixed himself and Felicity drinks not that long ago. He could still feel the warmth of that whiskey sitting in his belly. 

“I’ve always thought it was sweet,” Moira admitted. “But now I wonder if he’s the right sort of role model for her.”

“I’ve wondered that too.” Robert handed his mother her drink and sat next to her on the sofa, in Thea’s vacated spot. 

“But mostly… I’m really worried about him,” his mother admitted. “We hoped getting engaged to Laurel and taking a bigger role at QC would encourage him to grow up and leave some of that nonsense behind. Look what’s happened!”

“I don’t think either of us could have predicted that.”

“Did we fail him, Robert? Did we let him down somewhere? I just can’t escape this feeling that this is all my fault somehow.”

His father hugged her tight. “It’s not your fault. He’s a grown man who makes his own choices. All we can do is be here for him and hope he’ll make the right choices going forward. Maybe tonight was a wake up call.”

“I just don’t know what else to do for him,” his mother said tearfully. “I’m afraid we’re losing him.”

“We won’t lose him,” his father vowed. “I promise.”

Oliver felt uneasy. Felicity tugged on his hand, pulling him away from the scene and he let her. Once back in the foyer, she touched his head and brought them both back to his apartment. 

***

Oliver ran his hands through his hair as he paced the length of the windows in his living room. Seeing how shaken up his sister was, his _parents_ … Oliver was shaken up as well. And wracked with guilt. It was clear that his parents felt some measure of responsibility for his actions, even though he hadn’t been a child in years. To know that what he was doing and what he’d done tonight had hurt them like this… it rattled him to his core. 

The guilt threatened to swallow him up. He felt the despair creep in, much like it had when he’d been standing on that bridge earlier. He’d messed up his life and there was no going back. He couldn’t change the awful mistakes he’d made. His regret and shame and guilt were overwhelming. 

“Oliver… please… settle down,” Felicity said, standing off to the side. She was wringing her hands, looking concerned. 

“I warned you, Felicity. I told you that I was too messed up, that’d I’d ruined lives. We just saw proof of that,” he told her, his voice breaking. 

“I saw no such thing,” she said firmly. “I saw two parents who are very concerned about their child. And rightly so. You scared them tonight nearly as bad as you scared yourself.”

Oliver wanted to argue. He wanted to rage and throw something and let all the pent up emotions out of him. Instead, he kept pacing. 

“Can’t you see how devastated they’d be if something happened to you?” she asked him gently. 

“But think of all the heartache I’d be saving them in the long run,” Oliver argued. “The next time I fuck up, it could be even worse. I’d be saving them from that.”

“Who says you’re going to fuck up again?” she countered. 

Oliver stopped his pacing and stared at her, his mouth hanging open. That was the first time he’d heard her swear like that. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it… but he thought maybe he liked it. 

“What, never heard an angel say ‘fuck’ before?” she asked, narrowing her eyes a little. 

“Can’t say that I have.”

“I’m an angel, Oliver, not a saint or a prude or… God,” she told him. 

“Maybe I’m a bad influence on you too. Rusting out your halo before you even get it,” he muttered, resuming his pacing. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. Its wings, not a halo.” Felicity waved an impatient hand. “The point is, you have the power to decide you want to change. And my hope is that after tonight, you make that choice.”

“I don’t think it’s as simple as making a choice, Felicity,” he said. “If it was, I would have done it years ago and I wouldn’t be here tonight!”

“You wouldn’t have made the choice to be different years ago because you were taking the easy road, Oliver Queen,” Felicity said, her voice hissing as she stepped up to him. 

The truth of that statement irked him. Oliver rolled his shoulders. “So, what? You’re saying that now that you’re here to ‘help’ me, that I can now make this choice?”

“Don’t be like this,” she said to him. “You’re upset and trying to push me away, hurt me, get me to give up on you. You want everyone to give up on you so you can finally just give up on yourself. Well, it’s not going to work. I’m not going anywhere. And we are not done here yet.”

“I’m not—“

“Yes, you are. And you can make this choice. I have faith in you, Oliver. How many times do I have to say it? I will have faith in you until you have faith in yourself.”

He cursed under his breath. “It’s just… _hard_.”

“If it was easy, you would have made the change years ago,” she replied. 

“I still feel like you’re wasting your time. Everyone is.”

Felicity closed her eyes for a long moment. He watched her, noticing how her expression became more serene. He got the impression that she was somewhere else right then. Maybe she was talking to Gabriel. 

When she opened her eyes, the serene expression was gone. She looked resigned and even a little apprehensive. “I’m going to show you what it would be like if you succeeded.”

Oliver blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Tonight. If you had jumped off that bridge and let the river take you away. If you’d killed yourself. I’m going to give you a look at what things would be like if you had died tonight.”

Oliver felt a sharp stab of panic in his chest. “Wait… are you sure? I don’t—“

“I do. You keep telling me that it’s okay if your family and friends suffer, that your death would be better for them in the long run. I’m going to allow you to see if you’re right about that or not.”

He licked his lips which were suddenly bone dry. “Felicity…”

She held up a hand. “This is real life, Oliver and there are real consequences. You can’t just hide from this because it’ll be unpleasant. I want you to see what the consequence to killing yourself would be like. Then I want you to tell me if their lives are all better without you.”

“Do I get a choice on this?” he asked her. 

“Nope. I spoke with Gabriel. He suggested it and… I think its a good idea, actually.” 

_Shit_. “Alright. Fine. Do your worst, then.”

Felicity blew out a breath, stepping up to him to place her hands on his head. “Believe me, this gives me absolutely _no_ pleasure.” 

***

The swirling sensation felt somehow worse this time, there was a nauseating roll to it that made Oliver want to grab onto something for stability. When everything righted itself, he was standing in the Queen manor foyer again, Felicity at his side. Early morning sun was shining through the windows. 

“When is this?” he asked Felicity. 

“Tomorrow morning.”

Suddenly, from the sitting room, came a loud wail, followed by a shout. “Robert! Come quick!”

Oliver ran into the room without waiting for Felicity. His mother stood next to the Christmas tree, her hand clasped over her stomach and another over her mouth. Her cell phone lay on the floor by her feet, as though she’d dropped it. Footsteps pounded outside the room and his father burst in a moment later. 

“Moira! What is it??” he asked, breathless. 

“It’s Oliver,” she sobbed. “He…”

But his mother couldn’t finish the sentence. She gestured at her phone and then collapsed onto the sofa, crying. Robert ran over and scooped the phone up off the floor. 

“Hello? Who is this?” he demanded into the phone. “Yes, this is he. Who— The SCPD? What’s happened?”

Oliver watched as his father’s pallor turned ashen. He felt a hand squeeze at his elbow and knew it was Felicity but he couldn’t tear his eyes off his father to look at her. His mother’s soft sobs filled the silence for one long, protracted moment. 

“When… _how_?” he asked, hoarsely. 

His hand began to shake, followed by the rest of him. He sank down onto the sofa next to Moira. 

“Oh god…” Robert groaned, tears falling down his face. “Y-yes, we can come by later. We need to… tell his sister.” 

At that, Moira’s cries redoubled and she turned to Robert, clinging to him. He put an arm around her and hung up the call, before putting both arms around her and hugging her tightly. 

“Why would he do this?” his mother said between sniffles. “He was so young, he had a full life ahead of him. Why??”

“I don’t know,” his father replied. “I don’t know. Why didn’t we insist he come back here last night?” 

“D-do you think he still might have—?” his mother asked, unable to say the words. 

Robert shrugged, looking shocked and withdrawn. “I don’t know. But we could have watched him, we could have talked to him or _something_.” 

“How did he… do it?” His mother’s voice was small and unlike anything Oliver had ever heard before. She was always so strong and here she was, reduced because of him. 

“Moira…”

“I need to know!”

“He… jumped from the West River Bridge.”

“Oh, god,” Moira gasped, placing her hand over her mouth. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

Robert looked chagrined. “We need to tell Thea. Then we need to go down to the morgue and ID the body.”

“Oh, _god_.”

“Mr. Queen… can I be of assistance?” came a voice from the doorway. Oliver turned to see Raisa standing there, looking distressed. He couldn't tell how much she’d heard but he had to assume, from the look on her face, that she knew what had happened. Seeing Raisa’s pale and shocked face made a lump rise to Oliver’s throat. He hadn’t even considered her reaction. 

“Yes, Raisa… could you call Thea down here for us? And… maybe bring us some water or coffee or something?”

“Yes, Mr. Queen. I’ll do that right away.”

“Thank you, Raisa. We appreciate it.”

His mother’s face was nearly grey in the early morning light and she still looked like she might be ill at any moment. His father was doing his best to look stoic, but Oliver could see the tremble in his hands. The sitting room was eerily quiet as they waited for Thea. She should be rushing downstairs to open Christmas presents. The reality that would be thrust upon her instead was anything but a gift. 

Thea must have sensed the dread and grief in the air cuz her smile dropped off her face the instant she stepped into the sitting room. She wore her pajamas and a robe, her hair was mussed. “What’s going on?” she asked right away. 

“Thea… come sit down,” Moira said, her arms extended. “We have something we need to tell you.” 

His mother had gathered herself at least somewhat, mustering what was left of her flagging strength in order to be there for her daughter. Oliver’s heart clenched again. Thea crossed the room to the sofa and sat next to her mother, looking nervous and worried. 

“What is it?” she asked. Then, she paled. “Is it Ollie?”

His mother could only nod while Robert knelt before Thea, taking her hands in his. “Thea, honey… your brother—“

“No, no, no…” Thea moaned, rocking a little, tears springing to her eyes. 

“He died… last night.” 

“No!” Thea’s wail cut through the room and Moira had to choke back another sob. 

Oliver had to turn away from the scene, tears brimming in his own eyes and grief making the back of his throat ache and burn. “Felicity,” he murmured, not even sure what he was asking for. 

She stepped forward, enveloping him in her arms. Her head tucked to his chest and she held him tight and close. Oliver held her back, trying to shut out the sniffling and weeping that he could hear going on behind him. 

“I’ve seen enough here,” he murmured. “Please…”

“Okay,” Felicity replied, drawing back just enough to get her hands on his head. 

But instead of taking him back to his apartment, they materialized in Tommy’s apartment. He was asleep on the sofa there, a blanket pulled up over his shoulders. Laurel came out of his bedroom, rumpled from sleep. She’d apparently stayed overnight. But Oliver could see by the ashen color of her face and her wide eyes that she’d just gotten the news about him. 

“Tommy,” she said, crossing quickly to the sofa. She sat on the edge and shook his friend’s shoulder. 

“Hmm?” he grunted, not lifting his head or even opening his eyes. 

“Tommy, wake up. I just got a phone call from my father.”

Laurel’s father, Quentin Lance, was a captain in the SCPD, something which had always been a thorn in Oliver’s side when they were teenagers. While the other man had never thought much of Oliver, seeing him for the lowlife that he really was, he had always sought the man’s approval. 

“Ten more minutes,” Tommy grumbled, burying his face in the sofa cushion. 

Laurel shook him harder. “Tommy, it’s Oliver.”

Her voice was sharp and Tommy must have heard the urgency in her tone because he finally lifted his head. “What is it?” 

“It’s… it’s bad, Tommy.”

She moved back so Tommy could sit up. His friend scrubbed at his face, trying to rid himself of the last vestiges of sleep. “What happened?”

“He— He’s dead, Tommy.”

Tommy’s eyes went wide as he stared at Laurel. “Wha— No. He was in that accident last night but I heard he was okay, he walked away.”

A few tears spilled down Laurel’s cheeks and Tommy watched them fall with horror. He backed away from her and pushed up off the sofa. “No, he was okay,” he protested again. 

“M-my father said that he… he jumped off the West River Bridge last night. T-they didn’t find him until this morning… downriver.”

“I’m going to be sick,” Tommy blurted and he ran for the bathroom that was set off the hallway. Oliver could hear the sounds of his friend retching and he winced. Why was this all so much worse than he’d expected it would be? 

Laurel continued to look pale and stricken as she sat on the sofa, waiting for Tommy to return. Finally, his friend stumbled back into the room, wiping at his mouth. “Please tell me you’re joking,” he mumbled, dropping onto the sofa. 

“Why would I joke about this?” Laurel snapped. “And on Christmas?”

“Because this feels like a fucking nightmare.” Tommy rubbed his eyes. “Have you talked to the Queens?”

“No, just my dad. Should we go over there?”

He nodded. “We should call first.” He stood up again and looked down at himself. “I need to get changed.”

“Me too,” Laurel said. “Can I borrow your shower?”

Tommy nodded again. “Oh, god. Laurel… what about Thea?” 

Tears sprung to her eyes once more. “Let’s hurry.”

Before Tommy left the room, however, he pulled Laurel into a hug. “I can’t believe it’s true. I can’t… he’s my best friend, Laurel.”

“I know,” she whispered into his neck. 

Felicity tugged on Oliver’s hand, drawing him away. Oliver felt a hollowness in his chest as she placed her hands on his head. He didn’t even care where they went next because absolutely nothing could be worse than what he’d already seen. 

They arrived back at the penthouse and Felicity watched him nervously as he sat. She sat next to him, placing a hand on his knee. 

“Well?” she said. 

“What do you want me to say, Felicity?” he asked her. “That was horrifying.”

“It wasn’t meant to be fun,” she said. “Do you see now, the effect you have on the people closest to you? How much you mean to them?”

“I’ve known they’d be upset at learning I’d died,” he argued. “What I’m trying to tell you is that they’ll get over it. They’ll move on with their lives and those lives will ultimately be better without me in them.”

“You honestly think Thea is going to just move past that? Your parents? Tommy?” Felicity countered. “You saw their faces. You felt their grief. How can you even think that!”

“Because I’m no good!” he exclaimed, pushing her away from him as he got up to pace. “I make their lives worse, can’t you see??”

“What I see is you being selfish, Oliver,” she said. “You think it’s too hard to change the sort of man you are, to grow up and be better so you want the easy way out. You want to have some excuse like believing they’ll get over losing you so you don’t have to worry about doing the really hard work of _living_.”

“That’s not fair,” he said. 

“It’s true,” she insisted. “And I can show you that it’s true.”

“How? How on earth could you possibly prove to me that these people’s lives wouldn’t improve immensely without me around?” 

“I can show you a world where you’re gone. Not just the day they all find out. I can show you what those lives look like in the future.”

Oliver thought about it and he felt the dread that had sat in his stomach the last hour build and grow. 

Felicity lifted an eyebrow at him. “Are you worried that I’ll sway your opinion?” she asked. 

“No, not really,” he said, lying. Because he was worried. He knew that if he saw that his death had a negative affect on those he loved that he would never be able to go through with it. Felicity knew that. She was playing some serious hard ball. Finally, he sighed and relented. 

“Fine. Let’s do this.When are we going to?” he asked. 

“A year in the future. What next Christmas would look like, without you there.”

“Bring it on, angel.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver gets a look at a Christmas without him... and both he and Felicity get a huge shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a big update, fam! This is the seed that planted the rest of the story in my mind and it all comes to bloom right here. I hope you guys enjoy it. Last week before Christmas!

Felicity brought him to the Queen mansion but he could already tell something was off. 

“I thought you said this was a year in the future,” he said. “Where are the Christmas decorations?”

There was no tree in the sitting room, no garland wrapping the bannisters in the foyer, no wreath on the door or candles in the windows. It could have been just another winter day, from what he could tell. That was absolutely not like this family. His mom always went all out for the holidays, hiring decorators to swath the house in garland and lights. 

“It is,” Felicity said. “Come on.” She tugged on his hand, bringing him through the house to the kitchens where Raisa was preparing dinner. 

The housekeeper looked older somehow, more frail. “Are you sure it’s only been a year?” he asked Felicity. 

She nodded. “Yes. Only a year.”

The door that adjoined to the garages suddenly flew open and a figure came stomping through. He barely got a glimpse before the image of his mother, hot on the person’s heels, captured his attention.

“Thea! I’m _not_ done talking to you!” His mother was _furious_. She also looked decidedly frazzled. Oliver hadn’t seen her not put together in a long time, perhaps ever. She even wore her glasses instead of her contact lenses which was definitely not like her. 

“What’s there to talk about?” his sister asked, whirling around. Oliver bit back a gasp. Thea’s hair was dyed black and one side was shaved down to the skull. Her eyes were rimmed with thick eyeliner, her lips stained a dark red. Her pallor was pale, as though she hadn’t been out in the sun in years. Her clothes were dark and smelled like cigarette smoke. And worse. 

“I just had to bail you out of jail. On _Christmas_. For buying drugs and then being under the influence!”

Thea rolled her eyes. “So? Big deal. I wasn’t driving or anything like that. We were just hanging out at the park.”

“Thea? Moira?” Robert’s voice echoed in the hallway outside the kitchen and he appeared a moment later. 

His father looked like he’d aged ten years. He was thin and drawn, his eyes sunken. Upon seeing him, his mother rushed forward. “Robert! What are you doing out of bed! You promised you would stay there until I got back home, you need your rest.”

“I was worried,” he admitted, his voice raspy. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Oliver asked lowly. 

Felicity leaned into him. “Gabriel tells me that he had a heart attack about six months ago. Hasn’t been recovering very well since. Stress and shock, I think, took a toll.”

Oliver didn’t have to ask where the stress and shock had originated. “Is he going to be okay?” he asked. 

Felicity gave him a look. “Gabriel won’t say. But that’s not a very good sign, in my experience.”

“Please, go lay back down and I’ll be in, okay?”

“Thea, are you okay?” Robert asked his daughter. 

Thea seemed to soften a little before catching herself. “I’m fine. Mom is overreacting,” she scoffed, looking bored as she checked her fingernails. 

“Moira?” Robert looked upset. His mother placed a hand on his arm and then nodded to Raisa who nodded back. 

“It’s okay, Robert. Go with Raisa. I’ll be in there in a minute.”

His father let Raisa lead him away while his mother turned to his sister with a nearly pleading look. 

“Thea, I’ve tried everything with you. I’ve tried tough love, I’ve tried putting you in therapy, I’ve tried curfews and rules and letting you manage yourself. Nothing is working.”

Thea shrugged a shoulder. “Because nothing is wrong.”

“Sweetie, we both know that’s not true. You haven’t been the same since last Christmas. None of us have.”

“Because my big brother killed himself,” Thea spat out. “Didn’t even leave us a note or say goodbye. He just… did it. He was a selfish coward!”

“Thea, honey… please. Can we just have this holiday? Your father could really use some hope and happiness. A-and I could use a break too,” Moira pleaded. 

“She’s been burning the candle at both ends,” Felicity said to him in a low voice. “Walter Steele has taken over as CEO but she’s been involved a lot in what’s going on at QC and taking care of your father plus trying to keep Thea in line… it’s taking a toll on her.”

Thea seemed to crumble a little, dropping into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. “It’s just… it’s Christmas. It’s been a year. I just want to forget.”

“I understand, Thea. Believe me, I do. But please just… try for me? For your dad? Just for the next day. After the holiday… we can see what else we can try.”

“I’m not promising anything,” she said. 

“I’ll take whatever I can get right now,” Moira admitted. 

“Better go see Dad,” Thea said. “He’s waiting for you.”

After a long look at a Thea and a heavy sigh, his mother finally nodded and walked out of the room. Felicity took Oliver’s hand and lead him away, into the empty dining room. 

“So you’re saying all that… is because I killed myself? That’s what they’d be like if I had succeeded? If I still—?” he asked, breaking off at the end, finding he was having a hard time putting it to words. 

“It’s hard to say what other influences there might have been,” Felicity admitted. “But… that does seem to be the case.”

Oliver had to bite the inside of his cheek as he nodded his head. “So this is saying that they’re not better off without me. Is that right? Am I getting it right?”

Felicity shrugged. “Honestly, I can’t say, Oliver. All I can really do is show you these moments and then tell you what I think. But everything else… that’s up to you.”

“What else do you need to show me?” he asked, already feeling exhausted emotionally. 

“I’m not sure. Gabriel is running this show now, he just wants me to guide you,” she said. “But let’s go have a look.”

They appeared at Verdant, of all places. It wasn’t open, the building was dark, except for a few lights by the bar. There, on a stool, sat Tommy Merlyn. He was hunched over the bartop, reading something. As Oliver and Felicity drew near, Oliver could see a bottle at his elbow and a half-drained glass at his fingers. He was reading what looked to be a letter. 

“He looks terrible,” Oliver remarked to Felicity. 

“He’s drinking a lot, Gabriel tells me.”

“At least he got his wish… Verdant isn’t open for Christmas this year,” Oliver remarked. 

Felicity shook her head. “It hasn’t been open all week. He can barely afford to keep it going now. His father cut off his inheritance and with the drinking… the business is failing.”

Oliver felt a pang at that. Verdant was something the two of them had started together, but it was really Tommy’s baby. He’d wanted to own a bar since they were old enough to know what bars were. He’d dreamed for years about it. And now it was slipping through his fingers. 

“This can’t be because of me,” he protested. 

“Do you want to know what he’s reading?” Felicity asked, stepping up next to Tommy and peering over his shoulder as he finished the rest of his drink and poured another glass full. 

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Dear Tommy,” Felicity read out. “Since you won’t answer my calls or return them, I have to write you a letter. Even then, I’m not sure you’ll read it but I have hope. I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for how we left things. But I also need you to know that this wasn’t a snap decision of mine. I think you and I could have been really happy together but your drinking and depression got to be too much. I couldn’t handle that and it was really affecting me and you and our life together and… Listen, I get it. I miss him too. I know he was your best friend, like a brother to you, but he’s gone and nothing can be done to change that. He wouldn’t want you to swim into the bottom of a bottle and never come out. I know you couldn’t get help for me, to for us… but maybe you can think of Ollie and do it for him. If you do, please give me a call. All the best, Laurel.”

Oliver rocked back on his heels. “So it _is_ because of me,” he muttered. “My best friend has become an alcoholic who can’t keep his business or the woman he loves because of what I did.”

“I mean… maybe not…” Felicity said, a little weakly. 

Tommy, not knowing either of them were watching him, worked on draining yet another glass while he read the letter again. And again. His cheeks were hollow and sunken. His jaw was shadowed and he needed a haircut. 

“But why?” Oliver cried. “I was a horrible person. I’m not saying everyone is doing great right now, with me around, but surely they’d do better than _this_ with me gone??”

“Maybe but maybe not,” Felicity said. “You can’t deny that these people love you and that losing you would have a profound effect on them.”

“If it’s true… and I’m not sure I’m willing to admit that it is yet… then I honestly can’t figure out _why_. I am a terrible person, Felicity.”

“And I’ve been trying to tell you that you _aren’t_. You’ve made some awful mistakes but a lot of that isn’t the real you. I’m sure about that.”

Oliver grunted but the pleasure he felt at her words bloomed warmly in his chest. It’d only been a matter of hours, but he already was growing used to how Felicity encouraged him, how she believed in him. He’d never quite had a woman in his life, outside of his mother and Raisa that is, that did that for him. He had to remind himself that she wasn’t just any woman… she was an angel. At the end of this night, she would be gone. 

That thought sobered him up. 

“Anywhere else?” he asked, not sure if he could handle any more emotional trauma. If he thought seeing his loved ones learn of his death was bad, this was so so much worse. 

Felicity closed her eyes for a long moment and when she opened them, shook her head. “One more stop, apparently.”

When they materialized, however, it was somewhere Oliver didn’t recognize at all. They stood in a small, rundown looking apartment. Everything was clean enough, but the signs of wear were undeniable; threadbare carpeting, peeling paint on the walls, old appliances… It was a studio apartment, with a kitchen and bedroom and living area all squashed into the same space. A tiny window looked out at a flashing neon sign. 

There was a rattling at the doorknob and a moment later in walked… 

“Felicity?” Oliver said, not believing what he was seeing. 

While the Felicity he knew stood next to him, her hair tumbled around her shoulders and clothed in that marvelous flowing dress of hers… another Felicity was letting herself into the tiny apartment. This one had her hair pulled into a ponytail, from which several tendrils escaped. She wore dark rimmed glasses and plain, boring office attire. She looked tired and worn down and… sad. 

“I don’t get it,” his Felicity murmured. 

The other Felicity carried a small paper sack along with a purse. After she locked her door she took the sack into the kitchen and started to unload the meagre contents. A pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine and a small box of donuts. The donuts she put away in a cupboard. The other two items, she took with her (along with a spoon acquired from a drawer and a wine glass from the cupboard) over to the small loveseat next to where he and his Felicity stood. 

She sat, setting the ice cream, wine bottle and glass on the coffee table and kicking off her sensible pumps before lifting her feet to the table as well and stretching. Then, she opened the wine (it was a twist off) and poured a healthy portion into the wine glass. She lifted it in a toast, though there was nothing and no one there. 

“Merry Christmas, Oliver Queen. I wish you’d listened to me,” she said and then took a long drink from her glass. 

She set the glass down and picked up the ice cream. Settling back on the sofa, tucking her feet underneath her, she started to eat. A bite or two later… 

“You’re crying,” Oliver said, his eyes wide. “Why are you crying?”

“I miss you so much,” the Felicity on the sofa said. “Every day. Every day that I’m stuck here without you hurts so much I can hardly stand it.”

The Felicity next to him looked stunned but not surprised. She couldn’t take her eyes off of the other Felicity, watching her with a morbid fascination. Her eyes shone with unshed tears after a moment and Oliver found his confusion growing. 

“What’s going on?” he asked her. “What is this?” 

“Let’s go,” Felicity said at last, tugging on his hand and pulling him away. 

He went with her because he simply had no other idea what to do. As his Felicity placed her hands on his face, he stole one last look at the beautiful and worn down woman on the sofa, the one who was still crying… over _him_. 

***

As soon as they returned to the penthouse, Felicity excused herself to the restroom. She stayed in there for quite a while and Oliver ended up fidgeting nervously, waiting for her re-emerge. He didn’t want to have another drink. Suddenly, drinking seemed like the most distasteful thing he could possibly do. 

Seeing his family and friends that way was startling enough, but then to see Felicity… Why was she in an apartment? She was an angel. She was supposed to get her wings and live…wherever angels live. Up in heaven, he imagined. Not some tiny, run down apartment on the edge of downtown. 

Oliver just couldn’t figure out what that meant. Why would Felicity still be around, living like a human, after he was dead? 

That wasn’t even touching on her obvious upset. She seemed… _heartbroken_. She was just an angel, someone assigned to his case. She cared for him, but wasn’t that what angels were supposed to do? Care for their charges? And how did Oliver feel about her? Wasn’t he feeling dread already at the thought of being separated from her at the end of the night? 

It was confusing and complicated and a little bit scary. 

He needed her to come back out to the living room and talk to him about it before he freaked himself out and came to some insane conclusion that couldn’t possibly be true… such as her having romantic feelings for him. 

Oliver was just about to go searching for her himself when she finally walked out of the room, looking a little pale and shaken. 

“Felicity… what’s going on?” he asked her. 

She shook her head, not speaking. He lead her over to the sofa and gestured for her to sit. She did, smoothing her hands over the fabric of her skirt. 

“Talk to me…”

“I… I asked Gabriel what that was about. He was annoyingly cryptic,” she finally said. “I don’t know why we saw that, or what it means.”

Oliver could see by her face that there was something she wasn’t telling him. “Felicity, what is it? What did Gabriel say?” 

“I don’t know,” she said, protesting. “Nothing. It’s just… Oliver, I hope you know I wasn’t expecting that any more than you were.”

“I mean, it’s impossible, right? You aren’t human.”

“I was… once,” she reminded him. 

“But not anymore. You’re an angel now. So I don’t get why we would see you as a human and why you would be… connected to my story like this.”

Felicity shrugged but Oliver noticed she wasn’t meeting his eye like she had before. Yeah, she was definitely hiding something. But he was going to back off, let her retreat a little. Because everything he was seeing, feeling, every vibe he was getting off of her, said that this was personal and was making her feel vulnerable. 

And he just wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“Can I asked to see something?” he asked her, changing tactics. 

“Depends on what it is, I guess. I can ask Gabriel and see what he says.”

“I wonder if… Could I see a future where I don’t kill myself? Say I did change, after tonight.”

Felicity looked a bit surprised at the suggestion. Then… her look turned thoughtful. “You want to see something a bit more positive than what we just saw, then?”

“I mean, that’s the hope. There’s no guarantee things would be better, right?”

“No, there isn’t.” She smiled, though. “But I think they would be. Better, that is.”

He smiled too. “I think so too. But I’d like to see, just to be sure.”

“I’ll ask Gabriel,” she offered. Then, she stilled, closing her eyes. Oliver watched her, how her lips trembled sightly, her eyelashes fluttered. She really was beautiful and he found himself wishing he’d known her when she was alive. If he could have been in her orbit back then, what would that have been like. 

It made him think of her, alone in that dinky studio apartment. Maybe, just maybe, if he changed after tonight and if that vision wasn’t some sort of… heavenly glitch… Maybe he _could_ have that chance. 

***

“Okay, Gabriel gave me the go-ahead,” Felicity said a few moments later. “Let’s have a look at a world where Oliver Queen becomes the man he’s capable of being.”

Oliver was just glad to see the smile back on her face. “Let’s do this.”

She placed her hands on his face again, her finger tips digging in slightly to his temples, her eyes closed and her lips parted. Oliver swayed a little before closing his eyes and giving over to the swimming of the room around him. 

When the room around them solidified once more, they were once again at the Queen Mansion. It was Christmas Eve, yet again, just like the dystopian future he’d seen before but this time… this time he could see decorations everywhere. The mansion looked like he’d always known it to look at Christmastime. It was still afternoon, the sun streaming through the colorful stained glass windows giving everything a bright, colorful and cheerful look. 

“How far is this?” Oliver asked Felicity. 

“The same as last time. It’s a year from today. Er… yesterday at this point.”

“Got it.”

The front door opened and Oliver looked to see his sister walking in, followed by a young man with a chiseled jaw and thick eyebrows. They both had bags with them which were dropped just inside as the boy shut the front door behind them. His sister had a big smile on her face, her eyes were bright and not sunken. She looked more like he knew her… maybe even better. Or maybe it was just the shock of the difference from what he’d seen in the last ‘look’. 

“Mom! Dad! We’re here!” she called out. 

The boy behind her looked nervous and fidgety. She smiled at him, taking his hand in hers. “Don’t worry, Roy. They’ll love you.”

“I’m not from… I’m a scholarship kid, Thea. I don’t belong here,” he told her, glancing around the grand foyer. 

“Nonsense. You belong here if I say you do.”

“Thea!” Moira came down the stairs at the same time as his father, beaming widely. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it in time!”

“The roads were nasty,” Thea admitted. “But we’re not complaining. The snow is pretty, I think.”

“Easy for you to say… you didn’t have to drive in it,” Roy muttered. 

“I hear that,” Robert said with a smile. Oliver couldn’t get over how much better his father looked than he had in the other vision. He was the vision of health. “Thea, aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”

“Oh! Where are my manners?” Thea said with a laugh. “Mom, Dad, this is Roy Harper. He’s my boyfriend. Roy, these are my parents, Robert and Moira Queen.”

Roy held out a hand and his father shook it. “Nice to meet you both,” he said, still looking a bit nervous. 

Moira skipped formalities and pulled him into a hug. Oliver was a bit startled… his mother wasn’t known for her physical affection, especially with those she wasn’t close to. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Roy. Thea has told us so much about you.”

The four of them trailed into the sitting room and Oliver and Felicity followed. He stood there, charmed, as Thea told their parents all about the classes she was taking, the good grades she was getting on her exams and the friends she was making at college. Robert and Moira looked pleased and happy, smiling widely and asking interested questions. 

“Its like night and day,” Oliver remarked at last to Felicity. 

“It really is. I’d say she looks even better than she had in the present day moment we visited,” Felicity said. 

Oliver knew she was right. What surprised him was how good seeing his sister like this made him feel. He loved his sister, he knew he did and he had for years. But he’d never really stopped to think about what she meant to him. She was his hope, in a way. For a better future. Seeing her sitting on the sofa, her hand in Roy’s and looking so happy and well-adjusted and healthy… it settled something in him. He could feel himself relaxing, the more he watched her. 

“You want to move on?” Felicity suggested at last. 

“Not particularly,” he replied. “But I suppose we should.”

She led him away, squeezing his hand. “I know you really liked seeing her like that. I hope you get to see that again. Very soon.”

“Me too.”

The next place Felicity took him was Verdant. The place was closed, just like in the dystopian view, but it was still early in the day and Oliver noticed that this time some staff was still there, sweeping up after the previous night’s festivities and doing various work around the club. Tommy was at the bar, but instead of drowning his sorrows in a bottle of alcohol, he was standing behind the bar, taking inventory. 

“We’re almost done here, boss,” one of the staff said when Tommy called him over. 

“Good. I know you guys have families to get home to. I appreciate you coming in today to clean up, means we can be ready to open on the 26 th ,” he said, smiling. 

“Thanks for giving us the holiday off, by the way.”

Tommy winked. “What am I, heartless? Of course I did.”

The staff cleared out, one by one and even Tommy was packing things up, getting ready to leave. 

“Knock, knock!” a voice called out, echoing through the empty club. 

“Hey, young lady. We’re closed tonight, you’ll have to go party someplace else,” Tommy called out, grinning. 

Laurel sauntered up to him, smiling. She threw her arms around his neck and pecked him on the lips. “You almost ready to go?” she asked him. 

“Sure am. Just getting things shut up here then I’m all yours for the next day and a half,” Tommy told her, leaning in to press a longer but still chaste kiss to her lips. 

“All mine and all my mom and dad’s,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “Don’t forget, we have dinner at my parents’ house tomorrow.”

Tommy made a show of rolling his eyes. “Don’t remind me.” 

“Are we still meeting up with Ollie tonight?” Laurel asked. 

“He asked if we could meet him over at the Queen mansion. Said he had some news.” 

“Oooh, sounds intriguing. It’ll be nice to see Robert and Moira, I haven’t seen them since they got back from their Aruba vacation last week,” Laurel admitted. 

“Thea is there too. With her new boyfriend,” Tommy said. “I can’t wait to give him the third degree. Ollie and I have plans to tag team him.”

“Be nice,” Laurel admonished as they walked out of the club. The door shut and the rattling of the lock could be heard. 

Oliver turned to Felicity. “Wow! So they’re together and… correct me if I’m wrong, but they both seemed happy.” 

Felicity bobbed her head in agreement. “Yes, they did. In fact, a little birdie tells me that Tommy is planning to propose on New Years.”

Oliver whistled. 

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Felicity asked. 

“Honestly?” he said. “Not even a little. It feels right.”

Felicity grinned at him, squeezing his hand again. “Ready for more? I think we should go back to the Queen mansion. See this happy get-together. See what you’re doing, more specifically. You feel up for it?” 

He did. He was actually excited to see himself, how he was doing.“Yes. Let’s go.”

They returned to the Queen mansion and found the house lit up with Christmas lights, festive music playing, delicious smells wafting through the rooms. Thea was cuddling with Roy next to the Christmas tree, murmuring things to one another and smiling and looking generally in love. Laurel and Tommy were talking to his parents, sitting in the chairs next to the roaring fireplace. They were sipping egg nog and nibbling on Christmas cookies that Raisa had supplied. There was no sign of him yet, Oliver noticed. 

“How are things at QC?” Tommy asked. 

“Going very well,” Robert admitted. “I’m ready to hand over the keys any day now.”

Laurel looked impressed. “Really? That soon?”

“Oliver has done wonderfully this last year. He argued for another chance and went above and beyond,” Robert said. 

“He actually asked for more responsibility at the company, something we hadn’t expected at all,” Moira said. “And he’s done amazing things with it. We could not be more proud.”

“Does this mean retirement is in your future?” Tommy asked. “I know you’ve been looking forward to more time and less stress.”

Robert nodded, looking to his wife and squeezing her hand. “Yes, if all goes well by this time next year, Oliver will be the CEO of QC and I’ll be on a beach in Tahiti.”

“It’s a far cry from where he was at a year ago,” Laurel remarked. But there was no scorn to her statement. 

“Honestly, I credit a lot of how well he’s done to his girlfriend,” Moira admitted. 

Oliver felt his eyes go wide. A girlfriend? 

“She’s something else,” Tommy agreed. “Really keeps him in line.”

“And he loves every minute,” Laurel added with a sly smile. 

“We have to admit we’ve rather fallen in love with her as well,” Robert said. “From the first time he brought her over for Sunday dinner. She’s very charming.”

Oliver noticed that next to him, Felicity had gone rather still and tense at the mention of this future him having a girlfriend. Was it because she knew who this girlfriend was? Or suspected? Or… maybe she was jealous. 

“I wanted to be jealous,” Laurel said, oddly echoing his thoughts. “But when I met her, I just couldn’t help but like her.”

“You weren’t jealous because you had me,” Tommy pointed out. 

“Oh yeah, I’d forgotten that part.” 

Everyone laughed at that and there was a noise out in the foyer. They could hear Raisa exclaiming a greeting and several voices joining hers. 

“Looks like they finally made it,” Moira said, getting to her feet. 

“I wonder what kept them,” Robert said, winking at Tommy. The insinuation was obvious. His wife elbowed him. 

“Don’t you dare tease them about it, you know how it makes her blush.”

“But that’s the fun part, Mrs. Queen!” Tommy protested. 

“You will both be on your best behavior,” Moira chastised. 

Before Tommy or Robert could respond, Oliver saw his other self enter the room. He only had a moment to see that this Oliver was smiling, wide and happy, his eyes were clear and sparkling and he had a relaxed, confident posture before he noticed the person who had entered the room with him. 

It was Felicity. 

Next to him, his Felicity stiffened even more, her hand tightening in his. Oliver couldn’t take his eyes off the other Felicity, however. She wore a dress and boots and looked every bit as happy and contented as his future self. Her hand was tight around his and the two of them absolutely looked like a couple. 

A _couple_. His head spun. 

Everyone, including Roy and Thea, came forward to greet the new arrivals. Hugs and handshakes and cheek kisses were exchanged. He watched as the future him took an overflowing bag from his Felicity and brought it over to the tree. He took presents out, placing them under the branches with the other presents that were waiting there while his mother offered Felicity something to drink. 

Oliver was just trying to get his head around it. A part of him was hoping, of course, after the last bleak view. Seeing her in that apartment, crying for him… Oliver had wondered if it meant something… if it meant that he and her… 

Oliver was even more startled to realize how badly he wanted there to be something. That seeing him with her, happy, and his family happily accepting her and them together, soothed something inside of him. It ignited something inside him as well… he wanted very badly now to draw her into his arms, hold her and kiss her. 

He wondered what she was thinking about all of this. A glance at her face revealed nothing. 

Everyone was settling down again and the future!Oliver came over to where his Felicity sat on the sofa next to Roy and Thea. He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. She nodded, nearly imperceptibly. 

He cleared his throat. “Everyone, I have an announcement to make.”

Heads swiveled in their direction, including the two who were watching. Anticipation hung in the air and Oliver wondered, dared to _dream_ , about what might be be said next. 

“We were late in getting here tonight because I surprised Felicity with something on our way out the door,” Oliver admitted. 

“Don’t leave us in suspense, big brother,” Thea teased. 

“I asked Felicity to marry me,” he said, smiling down at the woman in question. “And she said yes.”

There was an explosion of noise as everyone jumped up to give their congratulations. Standing off to the side, Oliver looked at his Felicity and she finally met his eyes. The look he found there absolutely took his breath away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What do you think? Did you see that coming?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Felicity come to some realizations about one another... but is that enough to change things for both their futures?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response has been overwhelming! Thank you guys so much for reading this fic, commenting, sharing it on social media and just... loving this story. I wasn't sure if I would post it, to be honest. I wrote this in the first 15 days of November and there were many times when I wasn't sure that anyone else would want to read a story like this. I'm so glad I decided to bite the bullet and do it anyhow. 
> 
> Christmas draws nearer! There are some answers in this chapter, but not ALL the answers you are hoping for so you need to stay tuned for more (and more will be posted on Friday!).

Felicity brought them back to his penthouse again, for the last time that night. There were no more visions to see or moments to visit. But there were questions that needed answering. 

“Felicity… tell me what you know,” Oliver pleaded once his apartment solidified around them. 

“I’m as thrown as you are,” she insisted, wringing her hands.

He just gave her a look and watched as her shoulders pitched forward. 

“I don’t know much,” she admitted. “I just… after the last time, I asked Gabriel and what he said was very cryptic. I wasn’t sure exactly how to interpret it.”

“What did he say?” Oliver asked. 

“He told me that the scenario was just a ‘what if’. That there were multiple variables at play and whatever we saw was using the variables we brought the scenario,” Felicity explained. 

Oliver blinked. “Okay, what does that _mean_?”

“I don’t know.”

“Felicity…” 

“I think it means that we saw me in that apartment because of what both you and I brought to that vision. If that was the case then, I imagine it’s the case for this last vision as well.”

He wanted to pull out his hair with frustration. This wasn’t answering anything. “English, Felicity.”

She blew out a breath. “It means that we saw a scenario where I was human and grieved you and another where, again, I was human and we were engaged because of things both you and I are… feeling.”

“Because of how we feel about each other. Right now,” he clarified. 

Felicity nodded, her blonde waves bouncing slightly. She was chewing on her lower lip, her expression nervous. “Yeah.”

Oliver couldn’t bear it any longer. The look on her face, her shining eyes, her pouting lips and then there was how he was feeling. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. He threw caution to the wind and reached for her, cupping her face and bending down. He gave her a chance, not a big one but a chance, to pull away but she didn’t. She remained still, her hands bracing on his forearms as his lips brushed hers. The touch was so soft, so light… but it wasn’t enough. He pressed his lips more firmly against hers, feeling how her own lips molded to his, how soft they were, and how wonderful she smelled. 

He wanted to deepen the kiss. To wrap his arms around her and pull her to him but he didn’t dare. Not just yet. There was a conversation that needed to happen. So instead, he drew back, rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks as he watched her eyes flutter open. 

“Wow,” she breathed. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. 

“So… that happened.” Felicity still looked nervous, unsure. Her eyes were searching his. 

Oliver just smiled. “I’m glad it did.”

“Really?” A smile blossomed on her face, making her eyes sparkle. 

He nodded. “Yes. I’ve been wanting to kiss you… all night it feels like. Has it only been one night? It feels like ages since I first saw you. Anyhow, I couldn’t ignore it any longer.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” she admitted, her smile shy but honest. “Can we talk?”

In the past, a woman asking to talk to him like that used to fill him with dread and aggravation. But now, he wanted to know what she had to say, what she wanted to know. He wanted a chance to tell her what he was thinking too and ask her the questions he had. Because he definitely had several very pertinent questions. 

“Yes, we should talk,” he said and led her over to the sofa. They both sat again. 

“I imagine you’re wondering how I could possibly be in these visions,” she said. 

“I am. You are an angel, not a human any longer, correct? What you told me earlier tonight about how you died… that’s still true?”

“Correct.”

“What are the chances of seeing an impossible scenario in these visions simply because it’s something you or I have wanted?”It was what was bothering him the most, that their brains were conjuring a scenario that was untenable. Unthinkable. 

“Not very high, but I’m not an expert,” Felicity admitted. “I’ve never heard of seeing things that can’t happen. As far as I know, no angel or charge has ever seen unicorns or dragons or dead loved ones brought back to life.”

Oliver swallowed. “But you are dead.”

“Yes, I am. But I’m also an angel. And I’m not sure if that changes things. There’s so much I don’t know, Oliver. I’m just as confused as you are.”

“Are angels allowed to… lead human lives?” Oliver asked. 

“No. I’m pretty sure that no angel has ever lived on earth with a human,” she said, sounding dejected. 

Oliver felt the same disappointment. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for… but seeing that vision of him and Felicity at his parents house, it gave him an idea of what he wanted. It wasn’t anything he’d ever really wanted before, not even with Laurel, but with the small taste he’d just gotten, he knew he wanted it now, _badly_. 

Somewhere in the last several hours, he’d gone from utter despair about his life and wanting to throw it all away, to seeing the hope and promise that life had to offer… to realizing he had feelings for someone that it was impossible to have a life with. 

“Can you talk to Gabriel?” he asked. “Can I? I just… I can’t believe that this isn’t something we can have. There has to be a way.”

“Gabriel is always saying that in heaven all things are possible, but… I don’t know if he meant things like this,” she said. 

“If there’s even a sliver of a chance of me having you in my life, I want to grab onto it with both hands,” Oliver told her, drawing her into his arms. His heart soared when she went willingly, her own arms coming up around his neck and holding him close. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be allowed to live a normal life,” she told him, “but if I am, I want it with you. I want it more than anything.”

He leaned forward and kissed her again, breathing her in. She kissed him back, her fingernails teasing at the back of his neck and making his nerves sing. Oliver pulled back, just far enough to rest his forehead against hers. 

“I knew when I first saw you,” Oliver said. “There was just something about you.”

“Same,” she replied. “I… I was drawn to you. I couldn’t explain it.”

“When do you have to leave?” he asked her, his fingers tightening on her already, not wanting to let her go. 

“I don’t know. I assumed it would be when my job was over. But it’s over now, isn’t it? And I’m still here?”

Oliver settled back, her still pulled onto his lap, and had to stifle a yawn. 

Felicity grinned at him. “Tired?”

“Exhausted,” he admitted. “I feel like I’ve been awake for five days straight.”

“I’m pretty tired too,” she said. “And I didn’t think angels were supposed to get tired.”

“I’d love nothing more than to curl up in bed, you in my arms, and take a long nap,” he told her, squeezing her arms. “But I’m too afraid that I’d wake up and you’d be gone.”

“I know. Believe me I know. But… I really like the sound of laying in your arms.” Her cheeks turned pink as she made this admission, which make his heart warm. 

“Want to risk it?” he asked her. 

“I do.”

She climbed off his lap and he got to his feet, extending his hand to her. She took it and let him lead her out of the living room and into his room. Her hand was so small in his, her frame so tiny next to his large one. The urge to pulled her back into his arms, kiss her, and make love to her was strong… but Oliver knew that was the old him. The old him who would feel drawn to a woman, bed her and then move on the next day. He didn’t want to be that guy anymore. Especially not with her. 

But there was no denying that even the thought of doing that made his palms damp. 

“Which side do you sleep on?” she asked him, regarding the bed. 

“Shouldn’t you know this?” he teased her. “I thought you knew everything about me.”

“Ha ha,” she responded, sarcastic. “It’s late and I’m tired and maybe I wasn’t paying _that_ close of attention.”

“I’m disappointed,” he said, winking. “I’ll take this side, you climb in there. I’m just going to go brush my teeth and I’ll be right back.”

Felicity nodded and Oliver had to force himself into the bathroom so he didn’t watch her climb under the covers, still in her dress. Dress or no, it was an intoxicating view and he realized he’d do just about anything to get to see it again and again and again. 

In the bathroom, he used the facilities, washed his hands and brushed his teeth quickly. Then, hesitating a little, he pulled off his pants and henley. There was a t-shirt hanging on the hook behind the door so he pulled that on, leaving him in the shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. That was plenty to sleep in, wasn’t it? The last thing he wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable. 

When he reentered the room, the overhead light was off and a small lamp on his bedside table was burning, filling the room with shadows. Felicity lay on the other side of the bed, curled on her side but watching him as he approached. Maybe it was the dimness of the room, but Oliver could swear he saw her eyes travel down his form appreciatively. 

She pulled back the blankets. “Ready for some cuddle time?” she asked, smiling. 

“That’s pretty cheesy,” he told her. 

She lifted a shoulder, not caring. 

“You’re lucky that’s the best offer I’ve heard in years.” He climbed into the bed and then turned off the light. The room wasn’t completely dark with the light off. Snow was falling outside his bedroom windows and the low-hanging clouds reflected all the light of the city, giving the night a bright appearance. There was something comforting about that, all that light, filling the city with it’s warmth on this cold, snowy, Christmas Eve night. 

Oliver settled into the pillows and reached out to draw Felicity to him. She lifted her chin and he kissed her. Again, he kept himself from deepening it. As much as he wanted to taste her lips with his tongue, swallow her moans and bring her pleasure… he knew what they both needed right then was rest. And to be here, together. 

Felicity snuggled down into his arms, her breath puffing against his chest and he could feel it through his t-shirt. Smiling, he closed his eyes and let the sound of her even breathing lull him to sleep. 

***

Oliver woke to sun filling his room through the window and sparkling white beyond that. It was Christmas morning. He realized how glad and grateful he was to see this morning. He’d been saved last night, well and truly, and by the best person for the job. 

Thinking of Felicity, he looked for her in the large bed but found her side was empty. Reaching out, he touched her pillow and found it cold. 

Oliver sat up and looked around the room, hoping for some sign of Felicity. But there was nothing. Only that cold, bright sunlight. And a quiet apartment. 

She was gone. 

He got up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He felt sad that she was gone but he couldn’t say that he was terribly surprised. There was always a chance she’d be called back and that it might happen while they were sleeping. He didn’t regret curling up with her in bed for a few hours of well deserved sleep. He was feeling so well rested, it was perhaps the best sleep he’d had in years. 

Yes, Oliver was sad, but he also felt lighter than he had in years. He was a new man, with a new lease on life. Felicity or not, he was determined to live his life the best way he could. And that started with getting out of this bed, getting a shower, and getting his butt over to his family’s house as soon as possible. 

He did a lot of thinking in the shower, thinking about everything that had happened… Not just in the last day but over the years. 

It was really high school where he started to lose his way. He was popular there; football star and a lot of attention from the other kids. It went to his head. He was with Laurel and she was a cheerleader… that went to his head too. But college was a wakeup call. He wasn’t anyone interesting in college. So he acted out for the attention. And it spiraled out of control. The attention got increasingly negative. He cheated on Laurel repeatedly, to get attention from her but she ignored most of his infractions. His parents pressed on him to stay in school so he could get graduate and run the company some day and he pushed back against that as well. 

All of that lead him to where he was yesterday. Where he failed at QC, where he failed at his relationship with Laurel, where he nearly killed an innocent driver because he thought he could get drunk and then drive home. Where he nearly killed himself. 

Where he jumped off a bridge to save a beautiful woman instead. 

Instead of killing himself, he’d saved someone’s life. That was the moment where he began to turn it around and he hadn’t even really understood it until this moment, standing under the hot spray of his shower. Felicity was saving him from that first moment, giving him another option for his life. Before she’d ever shown him his first vision, she’d already changed something about him. 

That was amazing. And he’d be grateful for it as long as he lived.

But the idea that he might never see Felicity again was sobering. He needed to see her but there was literally no way to contact her, to contact anyone… unless he prayed. He hadn’t prayed since he was a kid. Oliver wasn’t even sure he knew how to anymore. 

After the shower, Oliver dressed in some nice slacks and a button down shirt. He selected a sweater at the last minute, a dark blue merino wool that his mother had given him last Christmas that Laurel used to say went well with his eyes. He’d only wore it a couple of times, but as he pulled it on, felt its warmth, he vowed to wear it more often. And as he groomed his scruffy jaw, surveying his own reflection, he noticed it did make his eyes pop. 

Felicity would love this sweater, he thought. 

Oliver didn’t even grab a quick cup of coffee before he left his apartment with his bag of gifts for his family in hand; there was coffee at the house and he wanted to get there as soon as possible. He wanted to see Thea opening her presents and hug his parents. After last night, he wanted it more than almost anything. 

His car was smashed so he had to take a cab. It wasn’t a big deal but it was a reminder of what he’d done. He made a mental note to contact the family of that driver he’d hit, maybe even visit the other driver in the hospital. Offer to pay the bills. Something. He could do something. 

Traffic was light on Christmas morning. The snow coating everything was also keeping people inside. Oliver thought it looked magical, in a way, and the snow covering all the gritty surfaces of the city was almost like looking at a new beginning. That’s what he had. A new beginning. 

When the cab pulled up at the mansion. Oliver got out and smiled at the snow crusted edifice of his childhood home. He paid the cab, tipping generously and thanking the driver profusely before he drove off to pick up another fare. He headed for the door, the bag full of presents in one hand. Before he could even lift a hand to open the door, it was ripped open. 

Thea launched herself at him, making him drop his bag in order to catch her. She was laughing, which made him laugh too.

“Ollie! Oh god, I’m so happy to see you! Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me call you last night,” she said, her face nearly buried in his neck so her words were muffled. 

“I know,” he said, without even thinking. “I’m sorry I didn’t come over last night. I had some things on my mind.”

Thea let him go, sliding back to the ground. She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Brooding on Christmas Eve. So original. That’s like… the plot of every Christmas movie ever.”

Oliver had to chuckle. Oh, if only she knew. 

***

Christmas couldn’t have gone better if he’d planned it. His parents were so happy to see him, there was no lingering disappointment over what had happened the day before. All was forgotten and left behind as they came together to celebrate the holiday as a family. Raisa showered him with hugs, coffee and crumb cake while they sat around the Christmas tree and opened presents. 

Oliver loved every gift he received, even the hand towels from his mother and the novelty t-shirt from Thea. There was a lot of laughing, a lot of exchanging stories and joking around. His parents were smiling and laughing, his sister was having the time of her life, and for the first time in years, Oliver felt connected to his family again. 

Still, he couldn’t shake that there was something, some vital element, missing from the day. He didn’t have to think too hard to figure out what it could be. Oliver knew _exactly_ what it was. And while he enjoyed his family, he still missed Felicity. His mother noticed it first. 

“You seem a little distracted,” she mentioned as they ate an early dinner after the presents had been opened and a few games of Monopoly had been played (and won… by Thea). 

Oliver shrugged a little and noticed his father watching him shrewdly. Thea’s head was cocked to the side as she sipped at her water, the question in her eyes. The old him would have brushed off the question or lied. He was different now, though, and wanted to try a different response. 

“I met someone. Last night,” he admitted. 

“Oh? At the hospital?” his father asked. 

“Something like that.” Oliver didn’t want to get into the details for so very many reasons. And that was close enough to the truth. 

“I’m assuming this is a girl,” his mother said, her lips twisting into a wry smile. 

Oliver smiled back. “Yes. A girl.”

“So wait… you met a girl last night and you’re already mooning around here like a smitten kitten this morning?” Thea said, her forehead wrinkling. 

“Smitten kitten?” he repeated. 

“That’s pretty quick work, big brother. Especially considering you were engaged to Laurel until yesterday afternoon.”

“It’s… not like that. She was helping me with something and we…” He paused, searching for the right thing to say. “We got to talking. I’m just still thinking about it today.”

His parents were watching him with soft expressions. His mother looked pleased. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again,” Oliver admitted. “It wasn’t like we exchanged numbers or addresses.”

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll see her,” Thea said knowingly. 

“Do you know her name, at least?” his mother asked. 

“Felicity. Her name was Felicity.”

“No last name?” His father even looked interested. 

“It wasn’t like that,” Oliver repeated. 

“What was she like? What did she look like?” Thea wanted to know. 

“She was blonde and… beautiful. And smart. And so compassionate… she was just full of love. So much that you couldn’t help but feel full of it too,” Oliver said, thinking of her. “And she wouldn’t take no for answer. Very stubborn. And determined.”

His sister looked at him with a sappy expression. “Oh my god, fast or not, you’re in love with her.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to argue but he knew… his sister was right. It was a certainty that had been crawling up on him since last night. Still… Felicity was gone and even the depth of his feelings wouldn’t bring her back to him. 

“Well, she’s still gone,” he pointed out, dejected. “But I’m glad I met her anyhow. She changed me.”

“I can see that,” his father said, smiling. “We all can.”

Right then, the doorbell rang and everyone paused in their eating to look up at each other. “Are we expecting someone?” his mother asked. 

“Tommy, maybe?”

Raisa headed through the dining room and towards the door. “I’ll see who it is,” she said. 

“Thank you, Raisa.”

Oliver’s heart inexplicably sped up. 

“Its probably Tommy,” Thea said. “I wouldn’t mind seeing him today.”

They waited, not speaking, until Raisa walked back into the room a few moments later. “It’s someone to see Mister Oliver. It’s a young lady,” she said. 

Oliver was up and out of his seat before Raisa had even finished speaking. He heard his family shout but didn’t stop to hear what they were saying. He was absolutely focused on getting to the foyer and seeing who had come to the door. 

Though he already knew. His heart knew. 

He burst into the foyer, and there she stood. Damp and bedraggled and looking more than a little cold… stood Felicity. 

“Felicity,” Oliver breathed, rushing forward but stopping just before. “Wha—? How are you here? Are okay? Why are you… wet?”

“H-hi, Oliver,” she said, her teeth chattering. “C-could I have a t-towel or something?”

He blinked, shaking himself out of his stupor. “Oh! Of course! Come upstairs, I will get you warmed right up. I mean… I’ll get you a towel. You can take a shower. I’ll find you some of my sister’s clothes. Come.”

He beckoned her towards the stairs and she started forward.He noticed she was dripping a little. He had so many questions but it was imperative to get her warm and dry. As he led the way up the stairs towards his old room (and the room he often used whenever he stayed the night these days), Oliver couldn’t help but think this whole scenario was very reminiscent of what had happened when they met. Except then, they’d both been dripping wet and freezing cold. 

That made him wonder even more. 

“Here’s my room,” he said, gesturing towards a door part way down the hall. “I have a bathroom in here and you’ll be able to get a warm shower.”

“T-thanks,” she said, still chattering. “Its g-good to s-see you.”

He couldn’t stop his smile. “You too. But right now I want to see you warm and dry more than anything.” 

Oliver showed her into the en suite and the huge shower there. He adjusted the taps for her, pointed out the towels and excused himself, telling her he would go to his sister’s room and borrow something for her to wear. 

He ran out of there, afraid she might drop her dress like she had the night before. He wasn’t sure he’d survive _that_ a second time. 

As soon as he opened his bedroom door, he ran right into Thea, who was lurking the hallway just outside his room. She tried to peer over his shoulder before he shut his door behind him. 

“Who was at the door why did you stash them in your room?” she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. 

“It’s a long story,” Oliver said quickly. He grabbed her shoulders. “Can I borrow some of your clothes?”

Thea’s eyebrows shot up. “Is it Felicity? Did she come here?”

“Yes, its Felicity,” he replied. “I need some clothes for her.”

Her eyes widened. “Is she naked?”

“She was soaking wet and freezing. Before you ask, I don’t know why. I didn’t have time to question her about it, I thought it was best to get her warmed up first.”

“Good thinking. Yes, I have something she can borrow. Is she bigger than me? Smaller?”

“About the same height. Curvier though.” Oliver tried desperately not to think too hard about those curves, currently naked in his shower. 

“I have some leggings and an oversized sweater she can use.” 

Thea led the way to her bedroom and started digging in her closet. Oliver stood there, anxious to get back to his room and Felicity. He was pretty reluctant to have her out of his sight right at the moment, especially while he still didn’t even know how she was _there._

“I don’t think I have a bra here that would fit her. I left all my sports bras at the dorm,” she mumbled, pulling some things out of one of her drawers. 

“Thanks, Speedy,” he said, when she placed a small pile of clothes, including socks and underpants in his hands. 

“Stop calling me that,” she called after him as he sped out of her room and back to his. “I’ll tell Mom and Dad that you’ll join us for pie later.”

Steam was pouring from the en suite when he entered. He approached the bathroom a little nervously. “Felicity?” he called out. 

“I just got out!” she announced.

He bent down, setting the small pile just inside the doorway. He couldn't see through the heavy fog of steam and realized that was a good, respectful thing. Clearing his throat, he called, “I’m leaving some clothes for you just inside the doorway.”

“Okay!”

He turned and walked back into his room, pacing in front of the darkened fireplace and rubbing his head. His heart was pounding a mile a minute. So many possibilities existed that his mind couldn’t settle on one and he didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. Maybe she’d left the apartment that morning, before he woke, and had… fallen into a snowbank? 

“I feel much better now.” 

Oliver whirled around at the sound of her voice and saw her standing in his room, her hair damp like it’d been the night before, but already drying into waves. She looked fantastic and he couldn’t stop himself from crossing the room to her, and bending down to kiss her. 

Felicity kissed him back, her fingers fisted in the wool of his sweater and he drew back after a moment, feeling a little shaky. 

“Sorry. I— had to do that.”

She grinned. “I’m glad you did.”

“I have questions,” he told her. 

“I know you do,” she replied. “And I will answer them. But first I just want you to know that I’m here. I’m really here and I’d love to meet your family. I’m sure they’re wondering where you disappeared to.”

“I could care less what they’re wondering at the moment, to be honest,” he said, looping his arms around her to keep her there, in his arms. “But if that’s what you’d like to do, that’s what we’ll do.”

“I’m so glad I’m here,” she murmured and he noticed her eyes were watching his lips. 

“I’m so glad you’re here too,” he replied softly. “I was very disappointed when you were gone, this morning.”

“I know,” she said just before she pressed up on her toes and kissed him. Oliver gladly kissed her back, pulling her tighter against him. He tried so hard to keep the kiss chaste but then he felt her tongue dart out at his lips, tasting him and he couldn’t contain his groan. He opened to her and she followed his lead, letting the kiss deepen as they clung to one another. 

She tasted amazing and felt even better as she held him close. He could feel her curves through that oversized sweater Thea had given him for her and knowing she wasn’t wearing a bra… _Shit_. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking these things about an angel, was he? But his blood was on fire, his nerves were firing and his senses were filled with _her_. Her tongue stroked against his and he whimpered. Honest to god, he whimpered. 

Finally, they both drew back and Oliver was glad to see he wasn’t the only one panting for breath. Felicity’s eyes were wide, her pupils dark. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips soft and full and parted as she seemed to struggle with leaning back in for more kisses. He was having a hard enough time with that himself. 

“Family,” she finally said. “I need to meet your family.”

Oliver nodded dazedly. “Yes… let’s go do that.”

He stepped back, letting his arms fall to his sides, giving them both room to gather themselves. Felicity patted at her sweater. 

“Do I look alright?” she asked him. 

“You look amazing,” he told her, honestly. 

Felicity blushed, looking so beautiful he thought his heart my crack open. He took her hand. “What name should I give when I introduce you?” he asked as he led her to the door of his room. 

“Felicity,” she said, her forehead wrinkling adorably. 

Oliver huffed out a small laugh. “I meant last name. They were asking me earlier and I told them I didn’t know…”

One of her eyebrows lifted. “You were talking about me to them earlier?”

“Yes… they noticed I was a bit distracted today and asked me. I—I didn’t want to lie to them. Not anymore. I’m trying to do things differently.”

Felicity’s smile could have lit the darkest cavern. “Oh, Oliver. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“You inspired that change,” he told her truthfully.“If it wasn’t for you, well… you know.”

“I do know. But Oliver, you made the decision yourself. It was always your decision. I just was there to offer some counsel.”

“And it was very good counsel,” he replied. “I couldn’t have made the choice otherwise.”

“You sell yourself short, Oliver Queen,” Felicity chastised him. “But I’ll see if I can get you believing in yourself yet.”

He was grinning as they walked to the stairs. Felicity gazed at the stained glass as they passed. “I still think those are so beautiful.”

Oliver chuckled. “Are you going to answer my question about what last name to give you?” he asked her. 

They started to walk down the steps, Felicity lightly running her hand over the wooden railing as they went. 

“I know, I’ve been thinking. I think I might use ‘Smoak’. It was my mother’s maiden name,” she said. 

Smoak… Smoak… “I like it,” Oliver told her. “Felicity Smoak. It sounds right.”

“I think so too.” She squeezed his hand. “C’mon. Let’s go meet the parents.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Oliver spend the rest of Christmas together and she explains exactly what happened. The question now is: what next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran a poll on Twitter asking if I should combine the last two chapters into one big chapter (since the final chapter was very very small indeed). The results were overwhelmingly in favor of one big chapter to be posted on Christmas Eve so now this is the penultimate chapter of the story! I hope you enjoy the Christmas goodness and I **promise**, that last chapter will be VERY worth it. :)

His parents and Thea were in the sitting room, sipping coffee and talking. Thea was talking about what classes she was signed up for in the second semester of the year when Oliver and Felicity walked into the room, hand in hand. The scenario was so similar to that future vision he’d seen last night that Oliver felt his heart skip a beat. 

“Oliver! We were wondering where you’d gotten off to,” his mother said, getting to her feet. There was no judgement in her voice. His father and Thea also got to their feet, hanging behind Moira but looking no less interested as they all focused their attention on Felicity. He was proud that she didn’t fidget under their inquisitive gazes. 

“I’m sorry for jumping up from the table earlier,” he began. He nudged Felicity forward a little. “Mom, Dad, Thea… this is Felicity Smoak. She’s the woman I told you about, that I met last night. She helped me quite a bit when I was feeling pretty badly.”

“Felicity, it’s so great to meet you,” Thea said, coming forward. She embraced Felicity in a full hug, which didn’t even startle her. She put her arms around his sister like she’d known her her whole life. Judging by how much of his past she was familiar with, Oliver supposed in a way that she did know her, a bit. 

“Its great to meet you too, Thea,” she replied. “Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes.”

His mother’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Her clothes?”

“I was… a bit indisposed when I arrived. I’d fallen in some water and my dress was soaked. I needed to change. That’s what kept Oliver from your meal. I’m sorry for that interruption, by the way,” Felicity explained. 

“No apologies needed,” his father said, stepping forward and shaking her hand. “We are glad to have a chance to meet you, however. Oliver seemed to indicate that he wasn’t sure he’d ever see you again.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d be back myself,” Felicity said, a little sheepish. 

“We’re very glad you made it,” Moira said, hugging her though maybe not as warmly as Thea had. That was just his mother, though. Always regal. Felicity hugged her back. 

“How about some pie?” his father suggested. “We hadn’t gotten to the pie yet and, Felicity, you’re welcome to join us.”

“I’d love to,” she said, smiling. 

***

The family plus Felicity gathered again in the dining room. Oliver introduced Felicity to Raisa and the housekeeper must have seen the shine in his eyes because she embraced Felicity like she was one of the family. She even kissed both of her cheeks and gave her the biggest slice of pie. Felicity flushed with pleasure and told him that Raisa might be her new favorite. 

Oliver laughed outright when Thea, who overheard, told Felicity she can’t even be mad cuz Raisa is her favorite too. 

“This pie is amazing,” Felicity gushed, taking a huge bite of the cherry pie. “Best I’ve had in a long, long time.” 

Oliver nearly choked and had to take a sip of his coffee. It was probably the first pie she’d had in about thirty years. 

All throughout dessert, he couldn’t stop beaming at Felicity. He didn’t know why she was there yet, but she’d assured him that she was really there. She seemed happy. That was enough for him to go on for now. 

“Hey! Big brother!” Thea called. Oliver looked to her and had the impression, from the lopsided grin she was giving him, it wasn’t the first time she’d tried to get his attention. 

“What?”

“Stop mooning over Felicity and pass me the whipped cream,” she said, smirking. 

Oliver gave her a look in return but passed the silver bowl with the chilled whipped cream heaped inside. 

When he glanced next to him, where Felicity sat, he saw her smiling as she loaded another huge bite of pie on her fork. A little thrill went through him because the thought of him mooning over her was something she didn’t mind hearing. 

How on earth had he gotten so lucky? Just twenty four hours before, he’d been the lowest he’d ever felt in his life. He’d done terrible things, hurt those closest to him and been a general menace, even. And now he was here. It was, if he could be a little cheesy with himself for a moment, a Christmas miracle. 

The rest of dessert went uneventfully. The chatter was polite and avoided any serious subjects. His parents seemed to know, preternaturally, not to ask Felicity too many personal questions. When their plates were cleared and they were finishing up their coffees, his mother gave him a meaningful look from down the table. 

“Oliver, why don’t you and Felicity go for a walk?” she suggested. “I’m sure you both have quite a lot to discuss.”

“Are you sure?” Felicity asked. “I don’t want to take Oliver away from his family on Christmas.”

“Nonsense, dear,” his father said. “We’ve had him all day long and I think he’s rather anxious to get some time alone with you right now.” 

Oliver felt his face heat a little but his father winked at him, which made him huff a little laugh. “Thanks to you both.”

“We’ll be watching a Christmas movie so come join us when you get back!” Thea chirped as they got up from the table. 

“And take some coats. It’s snowing out there. Felicity can borrow one of mine.”

Oliver brought her through the kitchen to the mud room at the rear of the house. On the hooks were a variety of winter coats and rain boots. Oliver handed Felicity one of his mother’s coats… a purple puffy coat with a fur lined hood as he grabbed one of his that he habitually left at the house. After he zipped up, he helped Felicity by pulling up her hood so the fur framed her face. Then he leaned down and kissed her nose, making her grin. 

“Where are going?” she asked. 

“To the gardens.”

“In the snow??” She peered out the window at the fat flakes falling quickly through the dark sky outside. 

“Just trust me. It’s a beautiful walk, even in the dead of winter.”

***

Felicity soon saw why he recommended the walk… the gardens were filled with evergreens in the winter and all were crusted with snow and ice at the moment, giving everything an ethereal, other-worldly look. Oliver thought that was appropriate, given their situation. 

“It’s _gorgeous_ ,” she gushed, her head tipped back, catching snowflakes on her tongue. Her cheeks were pink with the cold and he thought she was probably the most gorgeous thing out there at the moment. 

The snow was falling around them, sticking to their hair, their coats… it was beautiful and magical with the Christmas lights shining on the house behind them, but it was also cold and Felicity had just gotten warm and dry. Oliver tugged on her hand. 

“Let’s go to the gazebo. We’ll have a good spot to sit and talk in there,” he told her. 

She nodded and followed him through the planters, stepping into his footprints in the snow. The only sound was the crunching of their steps as the falling flakes insulated any noise but that which they made. It really made it feel like it was just the two of them in that moment. 

The gazebo was large, dominating the center of the gardens. There was a bench that ran around the circumference of the small structure, so they could sit and still be sheltered from the falling snow. A few space heaters were set in the space and Oliver turned one of them on, to give them a little warmth while they talked. Felicity rubbed her hands and held them near the heater to warm them, grinning at him with sparkling eyes as she did so. 

He sat next to her on the bench and pulled her hands into his, rubbing them with his own. Not for the first time, he noticed how soft her skin was, how small her fingers. His hands nearly engulfed hers entirely, her skin pale against the tan of his. 

“Tell me. What happened? You didn’t just… leave… this morning? Did you?” he asked. 

Felicity’s brow furrowed and Oliver feared she might be afraid to answer so he rushed on. 

“It won’t matter if you did. I’m just happy you’re here now.”

“I didn’t leave you of my own will,” Felicity admitted. “When I woke up, the sun was just dawning and… I saw Gabriel. He stood in the doorway and beckoned me to him. So I got up and followed him into the living room of your apartment. He wasn’t very happy with me.” Her cheeks colored but she continued. “He thought that you and I… that we’d… He thought we’d had sex,” she admitted. “I quickly corrected him but I think he could tell that you and I were not just platonic. Gabriel is a very smart angel, after all. Very little gets by him.”

She chuckled a little then and Oliver rubbed her hands again. “I asked Gabriel again why we’d seen me in those visions last night. I wanted to know what it meant and this time I was looking him in the eye so I knew he wouldn’t be able to put me off. He’d been doing a lot of that, last night. And I could see something there, a little flicker of something. That’s when he sat me down and told me what he thought it meant. You see, it hadn’t happened before with any other angel. So he had no precedence to set it upon. But Gabriel told me that he thought it meant that… I’m not meant to get my wings.”

“What?” Oliver exclaimed, instantly indignant on her behalf. “But you earned them! He told you that if you helped me, if you saved my life and made me rethink my life that you’d get your wings. Now he told you that you can’t have them? What kind of bullshit is that??”

Felicity smiled indulgently, bending down briefly to press a feather-light kiss to his knuckles. “Oh, Oliver. You’re so sweet and it’s no wonder I’ve lost my heart to you. I’m trying to explain here. Can you listen for me?”

Oliver tried to settle himself, taking a few breaths to calm the anger that had risen so quickly. “I’m sorry. I just… I know you wanted those wings. You wanted them more than anything, you told me so last night.”

“I know. And I think when I told you that it was still true,” she replied. “You see, the problem is… and Gabriel knew this even better than I did when he showed up this morning… getting my wings is no longer the thing I want the most. I wanted something else more.”

“What?” he asked, his breath catching in his throat. 

“You, Oliver. I wanted you, a life with you, a life for myself… maybe even a family someday. Those visions, even that terribly depressing one… they raised a desire in me that I hadn’t even known could exist. I want to live here, to have another chance at the life I had that was cut short. And I want to have that life with you, Oliver. If… if you want it too, that is.”

His eyes stung as he looked on her and he had to blink quickly to hold back tears from gathering further and rolling down his cheeks. “Felicity…” he whispered. 

“I’m not done,” she said, winking at him. “Gabriel took me then, brought me back to heaven. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to me. I thought I might be punished. I mean… nothing like this had ever happened before, right? I didn’t know what to expect. I was pretty scared, not going to lie. When we got there, he took me straight to the tribunal.”

Oliver must have shown his confusion on his face because she smiled as she shifted her seat and scooted closer to him. “Its kind of like a court of all the archangels. Gabriel is one of them, and there’s several others as well. They kind of… make the rules. Or, rather these days, enforce them. They make the decisions and we, as angels, are charged with carrying those decisions out. That’s how it’s been done for thousands of years. To say I was a little nervous would be a huge understatement.”

Felicity paused, looking out at the falling snow and to the house twinkling with lights beyond. She smiled. “I shouldn’t have worried, really. They just wanted to know some things. They asked me questions… about you and about how I handled the case. About choices I’d made. Starting with why I chose to jump into the river. The answers came easier than I would have thought. It was very easy to tell them that every choice I’d made was because of how much I cared about you. Then, they wanted to know when I knew my feelings for you had deepened.”

Oliver’s hands tightened on hers. He desperately wanted to hear this too. 

“I didn’t have a good answer,” Felicity admitted. “I wasn’t sure myself. I told them, as best I could, that it was gradual. That that was what love was like. You see, the archangels have never been human. They’ve never lived on earth or had the experience that humans have had. So the process of falling in love is a bit of a mystery to them. It’s hard to explain that there’s so many different ways it can happen. All at once, or slowly over time or… it just is. I said that I thought it started as soon as I was assigned to your case, as soon as I started to watch you and know your life and learn about you. I told them that the feelings grew when I met you, when you saved me from the river, when we spent time together. But I didn’t _know_ , not for sure, until I saw myself in that vision. Sitting in that tiny apartment, all alone and so desperately sad… I felt the pain in my own heart as though it was really happening to me. And I knew that I loved you. _Love_ you.”

“Felicity…”

“When I told the tribunal this, they were all a bit taken aback. They excused me so they could confer and discuss. So I sat outside, nervous but also just… filled with that love. It spread through me like warmth from this heater here, filling me with peace and certainty. It was an amazing feeling, Oliver. Somehow, I just knew it was all going to be okay. I wouldn’t feel that way if it wasn’t going to work out, right? It made sense to me in the moment, at least. They called me back in and when I stood before them this time, they told me I would not be getting my wings.”

Oliver narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything. She smiled. 

“I was a bit indignant, I’m not going to lie. But that’s when Gabriel told me I wasn’t getting them because being an angel was no longer my greatest wish. I didn’t understand it, not until I realized what my greatest wish actually _was_. But I still wasn’t sure how they were going to handle this. I couldn’t be a wing-less angel forever, could I? It was explained to me, then, that I was getting a second chance to live on earth. Not as an angel, but as a human woman.”

Oliver felt his mouth pop open, and he stared at her, wide-eyed. “What does that mean??”

“It means… I was given a choice. To remain as an angel, receive my wings and live in heaven, helping people who need help. Or, I could “fall” and have a life as a human again. If I chose to fall, it would be permanent. There would be no returning as an angel. Even after I pass… being an angel wouldn’t be an option for me any longer. I would live a human life, growing old and eventually dying as a human.”

His mouth felt dry. “And?”

“I took the choice, I told Gabriel and the other archangels that I want to be a human. So… I fell.”

“Tell me, Felicity, just lay it out… does this mean…?” He hardly dared to hope. 

“I’m not an angel anymore. I’m a human again. They gave me another chance to live my life… the life I want to live. They discussed going with straight reincarnation, giving me a fresh start from the beginning. But Gabriel said it was clear there was a deep and meaningful connection between you and I. They wanted us to have a chance to have a life together. That is… if that’s what you want?”

He hauled her to him, engulfing her in his arms and kissing her as though he needed her lips to keep on living. And who knows, maybe he did. Felicity melted into him, her hands in his hair and on his face and making him feel cherished. Which he was, he realized. She gave up heaven for him. If he wasn’t already believing in his own worth and potential, that would have tipped the scales for him. But she’d done her job well and he knew, with her help, that he was worth the love. Or rather, that he could be worth it. 

Oliver could have spent hours kissing her, focusing on her lower lip, inhaling her scent and feeling her softness underneath her hands. But oxygen was an unfortunate requirement and they drew back, still holding one another. He smoothed her hair out of her face, cupping her face and barely resisting the urge to lean in and kiss her again. 

“Are you kidding me?” he said to her, teasingly answering her question. “Haven’t I made it abundantly clear what I want?”

“I just… don’t want you to feel pressured into anything because of me,” Felicity explained. “I came here to be with you, but I also came here to have a life again. I know that vision we saw, showed us… You’d asked me a question. And I don’t want you feel like you have to make that sort of commitment to me. Now or a year from now or ever. Okay? The very last thing I’d want to do is trap you.”

“I don’t feel trapped,” he told her honestly. “I feel so god damn lucky that I can’t hardly believe it. I feel like maybe I don’t deserve this but I’ll be damned if I’ll let you go now. But… I do have one question.”

“What is it?” 

“You say that you chose to ‘fall’. That doesn’t mean you _actually_ fell, does it?”

Felicity threw back her head and laughed, her peal of delight echoing off the curtain of falling snowflakes around them. “Oh, Oliver. Yes, actually, it does. I fell from heaven.”

His curiosity turned quickly to concern as he began to feel her arms and back and body. “Shit, Felicity! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Now, that is. I’m here with you.” She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I fell into the West River, if you can believe it.”

Oliver gaped at her. “In this weather? Felicity, you must have been freezing! How did you get out of there?”

She grinned, a little wryly. “Well, if you recall, I was pretty damp when I arrived here. It wasn’t that bad, Oliver, I promise. I was just so focused on getting here, getting to _you_ that the cold was incidental. The pain reminded me that I was _alive_. And that felt _wonderful_.”

He lifted his hand to press the back of it to her head, testing her temperature. “Pain felt wonderful? Are you sure you’re okay? Did you hit your head on anything when you fell?”

She pushed his hand away, grinning. “I’m serious! Right now it just feels so good to be alive again. And I’m here with you. The pain and cold was worth it.”

“You’re a sap,” he told her, enjoying the warm feeling that came from teasing her this way. 

“So are you,” she pointed out. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“I’ve never been a sap before,” Oliver admitted, running his nose alongside hers and enjoying how she shivered and her eyes darkened. “Maybe I just needed the right woman to be a sap for.”

“Oh god,” she groaned, as though his sappiness physically pained her. It was adorable and Oliver found he simply had to kiss her again. So he did. 

When he drew back again, he set her off his lap. He wanted to talk a little more and he knew if he had his arms full of her, talking would be the last thing he’d have on his mind. 

“Tell me about falling,” he said. “I mean, if it doesn’t upset you or anything—“

“It doesn’t,” she assured him. “At first… I wasn’t sure what was happening. As soon as I made the choice, in front of the tribunal, I started to fall as if the ground had disappeared under my feet. I couldn’t even get a good bearing on where I was falling before the water closed in over my head. It happened so fast. But a hand grabbed me, pulled me out of the water and up onto the riverbank.”

“Who was it?” Oliver asked. 

Felicity shook her head. “I don’t know. But he was bundled up, a little grimy… I think he was homeless. He sat with me, made sure I was okay. Then brought me to a shelter not too far from the bridge. Said I could get a meal there, maybe some dry clothes. But I was just so excited to get to you. I couldn’t remember where your penthouse was but I knew I could find the Queen mansion. I stayed there long enough to warm up enough and then borrowed some money from the man to take the bus. He must have thought I was crazy, running out of a warm shelter in a wet dress but… I was just so excited.”

Oliver shook his head. “You should have at least gotten a change of clothes,” he admonished her. “You could have caught pneumonia.”

“You would have nursed me back to health,” she told him, smiling up at him. 

“Yes, I would have.”

He kissed her again because he couldn’t not kiss her again. Considering the fact that he was just meeting her twenty four hours earlier, he couldn’t imagine not having her in his life going forward. 

What a difference a day makes. 

***

Felicity wanted to take another stroll through the gardens so they walked, hand in hand, through the grounds. It had stopped snowing, leaving the air cold, and clear and crisp. 

“What do you want to do now that you’re human?” Oliver asked. “Besides be with me.”

She knocked her shoulder into his. “I don’t know,” she answered after a long, thoughtful moment. “I imagine I need an identity. I picked a last name but I need documents and stuff. I have no idea how to get that done.”

Oliver hummed as he thought about that. “There’s this guy at QC… I didn’t work with him a lot, only crossed paths a few times. But he seemed nice and good with tech and my sister joked that he was the one you went to if you need a fake ID to buy alcohol with. I wonder if he could help us out.”

“That sounds like a good start,” Felicity agreed. “Once I have that, I need a place to live and a job and… oh wow, I’m going to have to go _shopping._ Which could be a challenge as I have no money… wow. Okay, maybe I didn’t think this through.”

“Felicity—“

“Maybe I should have asked the tribunal for money. You think they would have given me some money if I’d asked?”

“Felicity, I’m not gonna let you go homeless and hungry,” Oliver said. “You can stay with me.”

“But doesn’t that feel a bit like taking advantage? I don’t want to be that girl.”

“If you’re not comfortable with it, I understand,” he told her. “But I’d really like to help you out.”

“It’s not about being comfortable… I just want to be able to do it myself but I literally can’t so I feel conflicted,” she explained, wringing her hands a little. 

“Well, I can help you out with cash, until you get a job and start getting your own money,” he offered. 

“Oliver, I don’t know…”

He held up his hands. “Just a loan. You can pay me back.”

She hummed, thinking it over. “Okay, that might work. I mean, obviously I want to be with you but moving in together? That might a bit much too soon? I don’t want to rush things when we’re just starting out,” she explained. Her cheeks were pink but it could have been from the cold as easily as because of embarrassment. 

“I don’t want to push you,” he said. 

“And I don’t want to push _you_!” she insisted. 

They stopped and stared at one another for a long moment. Then Oliver ducked his head and chuckled. “Look at us. So afraid of running the other one off. I promise you, Felicity, I’m not gonna get scared and run off. You’re stuck with me now.”

She swallowed visibly. “And me either. I mean, where am I gonna go?” 

“Why don’t we do this,” he suggested, “let’s take things slow. Just to make sure you’re comfortable— that we’re _both_ comfortable. We don’t have to move too quickly or skip any steps or even… we can just… not sleep together yet, even.”

“But we slept together last night,” she said, her brow wrinkling with confusion. 

He couldn’t help chuckle at that, which only made her confusion grow. “We slept together but we didn’t… have sex.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Oh! Oh, I get it now. I mean… whatever you think is best. You think waiting for… that… would be best?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do. Given my past track record with women, I think it’d be smarter to do this right.”

“And having sex right away… that’s not right?” 

She had him there. “I’m not saying sex is bad.”

“But your history with sex makes you find it shameful,” she said. 

“Are you a psychologist now?”

“You think I could get a license for that? Even a forged one? That could be an interesting career.”

He smiled, shaking his head. “You’d be very good at it.”

“Honestly, though?” she said, moving closer to him. She placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him. “I just want to be with you. The rest will figure itself out. I’ve got time. Plenty of time, actually. And I want to spend that time with you.”

Oliver nodded. “I’d rather nothing more.”

She smiled and flakes began to fall again, landing on her cheeks, her hair, her eyelashes. Oliver bent a kissed one of her cheek. Then he kissed her lips. They kissed for a quite a while, until their noses were frozen and they had to run back inside, where Raisa made them each a mug of hot cocoa to warm them up again. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The week after Christmas, Felicity gets settled and she and Oliver figure out their new relationship together. Plus, we get a glimpse at their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we read the end of the line.... 
> 
> First things first... This story earns it’s “M” rating this chapter. If you prefer to read this as a T-rated story, please skip the second to last section. It's clearly marked but it'll also be fairly obvious. But don't miss the sweet little epilogue at the end. :) 
> 
> Secondly, thank you for reading this story. I wasn't sure, when I wrote it, if anyone would like it. So that there are people out there, looking forward to updates and cheering me on every chapter, that means the world. Thanks for giving it a try. I hope this ending makes you smile. 
> 
> And lastly, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS... whatever you celebrate, I hope the season treats you well. And if it doesn't, go read fic and that *will* treat you well. You guys deserve it.

The next week was the best Oliver could remember having in far, far too long. The day after Christmas, he brought Felicity down to QC to meet Curtis Holt, the man he’d told her about who could maybe help her with her ID problem. It turns out, Curtis and Felicity hit it off right away, geeking out together over anything and everything. If Oliver hadn’t known Curtis was married (and to a man, no less), he might have been jealous. As it was, he stood back and watched them speak to each as though it was a whole different language, and enjoyed the show. 

Felicity lit up, speaking to Curtis about old sci fi movies. He found he enjoyed seeing her like this, even if it wasn’t directed towards him. In fact, maybe he enjoyed it more because it wasn’t. Everyone Felicity came into contact with seemed charmed by her and she made friends virtually everywhere she went. So it wasn’t just him that was drawn to her. Somehow, that him feel even better, knowing that it was him she seemed to really care about. She was _with_ him. 

Curtis promised a quick turn around on some forged documents for Felicity and even offered to help answer any tech questions she had. He bought her story about moving to the country suddenly to escape a bad relationship, that she wanted to take classes at Starling City University in computers and technology. Felicity sold the story with ease and if Oliver hadn’t known the truth, he might have even believed her. 

They spent every night together, doing something different each time. One night was going to the movies, the next night was dinner and dancing, the night after that was a movie at his penthouse, the night after that was bowling with Thea. 

Felicity stayed at the mansion, even thought Oliver offered up his guest room. She said that if he was insistent on them “going slow”, that staying in the same apartment would be too tempting, bordering on torture. Oliver didn’t disagree. As it was, whenever they were alone they would almost always end up making out and it was getting harder and harder to stop. 

But Oliver made sure they did stop. Going slow with Felicity wasn’t easy, but he felt it was important. He needed her to know that his feelings were real, he wasn’t just fueled by lust, and that he was serious about her. She kept telling him that she knew but he felt he needed to prove it. 

After her identity was secured, Felicity enrolled in classes at the university and started applying for work. She had a forged degree and references, but she told him she wanted to fill in the gaps in her knowledge regardless. Computers had changed a lot in the last thirty years and she had some catching up to do. 

Which is what she was doing every spare minute she had. Oliver had been staying at the mansion instead of his apartment, in his old room, simply because he wanted to be near her. As such, they spent a lot of time together. He was no longer employed (but he did have plans to speak with his father about that), so they could eat their meals together, take walks, go on drives and just talk. Except Felicity was always reading. Or playing around on his sister’s laptop which she’d indulgently allowed Felicity to borrow. And, from what Oliver could tell, was soaking up knowledge like a sponge. 

A few times, Oliver had to steal her book or the laptop just so he could get some time with her. Five days after Christmas, she was playing with his cell phone, seeing what the apps did and learning how it worked. 

“Can I take it apart?” she asked him.

Snow was falling again, very lightly this time. They were up in his room, in the seating area near the windows and the fireplace. Oliver was watching a football game on the television mounted over the fireplace and Felicity sat in a chair by the window, playing with the phone. 

“Of course not,” he said, not even looking away from the television. 

“Why not?”

He looked over to see her lower lip sticking out in an adorable pout. “Because then my phone won’t work anymore and I rather happen to like having a phone.”

“But I’ll put it back together again,” she argued. 

“Felicity, you didn’t even know how this technology existed a week ago. I have all kinds of faith in you, but I don’t think even you would pick up the nuances of cell phone engineering that quickly.”

“I put Thea’s laptop back together again and it works fine. Better than before, if you ask me,” she said, gesturing to the laptop that sat on the sofa next to him. 

Oliver looked at it, stricken. “Thea will kill you if you broke her laptop,” he told her. 

Felicity rolled her eyes. “It works fine, silly. Turn it on and see for yourself.”

He pulled the computer onto his lap and booted it up. It whirred to life, the screen greeting him like nothing had changed. He logged in under Thea’s account and poked around in the files and programs, checking it all out. “Huh,” he said at last. 

“See?” Felicity said smugly. 

He closed the laptop and set it aside. “Nice try, I’m still not letting you take apart my phone.”

“You’re no fun,” she said, pouting again. There was that lip, taunting him. Oliver narrowed his eyes at it and got up off the sofa. 

“Where are you going? What are you d—ah!” Felicity shrieked as Oliver plucked her off her chair and threw her over his shoulder. She dropped the phone as he carried her over to his bed. There, he tossed her into the center of it, enjoying how she bounced. 

“I’ll show you fun,” he told her. 

The expression in her eyes changed from playful outrage to something a lot more molten and aware. Oliver moved over her, caging her him with his arms and his body. 

“What are you going to do?” she asked warily. 

He paused for a moment and then waggled his eyebrows. “ _This_ ,” he said. 

Oliver proceeded to tickle her, going right for the ribs. Felicity shrieked and squirmed, trying to thrash and get free underneath him but she could barely kick her legs as he sat on her thighs. He found a couple of good spots that had her howling, her face red as she laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Soon, he was laughing too. 

But then he noticed how her chest heaved for breath under the thing shirt she wore, her face flushed and her eyes flashing. Her lips were parted, dark pink and inviting. Oliver couldn’t help himself. He dipped his head and kissed her, immediately deepening the kiss and stroking her tongue with his. 

Felicity groaned, her body shifting against him but not in a struggle this time. She moved against him, arching her back so her breasts brushed his chest. He still had her hands pinned over her head and he rather liked the position this put them in, where she couldn’t touch but he could. He kept them there with one hand and brought another hand down over her body, pausing to cup one of her breasts. 

She was bra-less underneath the shirt even though Oliver knew Thea had taken her shopping the day before, insisting on purchasing her some underwear and things the the promise that Felicity could pay her back. But she wasn’t wearing it. The image of her bare breasts flashed across his mind rather suddenly, making Oliver moan into her mouth, kissing her harder as he cupped her breast and squeezed it. He felt himself stiffening in his jeans, his dick pressing against the zipper as the need surged through him. 

Felicity was moving her legs and he shifted in order to allow her. She drew them up, cradling his hips with her thighs and allowing him to grind against her more intimately. She wore a simple pair of yoga pants (and now he was wondering if she had panties on under them or not) and he was able to easily rub his jean-clad erection against her. 

Felicity tore her lips from his, panting heavily in his ear. “Oliver…” she gasped. 

“Yes,” he mumbled as he moved his lips over to her ear, tugging on the lobe gently with his teeth before working his lips into a tender spot just under her ear that had her crying out hoarsely. 

“Oh god,” she groaned. “Please…”

“Fuck…” He rubbed harder against, quicker, responding to her moans and cries. A small voice in the back of his head told him that this was definitely _not_ moving slowly. But then Felicity shifted her hips against him, rubbing back against him, and his brain fritzed out entirely. 

“Baby… I need—“

“What do you need, Felicity,” he growled in her ear. His hand was searching for the hem of her shirt. He found it and moved the shirt up, bringing his hand underneath and touching warm, soft flesh for the first time. So far, the most they’d done during their make-outs was a little over-the-clothes touching. But Oliver couldn’t get that image of pink tipped nipples out of his mind and he had to at least touch them, he had to _feel_ them. 

“I want you,” she moaned, arching again as his fingertips grazed the underside of one of her breasts. 

“I want you, too,” he said before working his lips against her neck again. He brought his fingers up around her breast, feeling the weight of it in his hand before finding the stiff nipple at the center. He plucked it with his fingers, making her gasp and call out his name again. 

He rubbed harder and faster against her center, his hips moving in perfect time with hers until they were both groaning. He could feel his spine start to tingle and realized he was a few moments away from blowing his load in his pants like some sort of teenager. 

Oliver was about to move away, get some air, calm himself down when Felicity locked her thighs around his hips and thrust up against him. “Please,” she begged. 

He looked down at her, at her flushed cheeks and her eyes, screwed shut, and realized she was aching for release as badly as he was. And he found he really couldn’t deny her what she wanted. 

It didn’t hurt that he wanted it too. 

She was so warm and soft and responsive to him. It set his blood pumping and his nerves alight… his whole body felt like it was on fire as he dove down to kiss her again, swallowing her moans and cries. He released her hands and they moved together, her fingers now gripping his back, digging in through the cotton of his shirt. 

Oliver kept moving, his hips thrusting and lips moving and his fingers stroking her breast and he was rewarded with a muffled cry as Felicity arched again, her whole body stiffening. He released her lips so he could watch her as she came, the exquisite bliss washing over her features and he was helpless not to follow her over that precipice. 

Finally, he could still himself and Oliver knew he should move of her but he felt boneless in a way that he couldn’t remember ever feeling after sex. Felicity was breathing hard, her arms still around him, holding him against her. 

“Wow,” she finally breathed in his ear. “I forgot what those were like.”

“What?” he mumbled. 

“Orgasms. They’re a lot more amazing than I remember them being.”

“That wasn’t even like… a full contact orgasm either,” Oliver said, finally pushing up off of her. He rolled to his side and Felicity followed him eagerly, spooning herself against him. 

“I know, I can’t wait for one of those.” 

“Felicity,” he groaned, shutting his eyes. Now that the haze of lust had cleared, he felt bad for letting things get too far. “We’re supposed to be taking things slow.”

“What was I saying before about you not being fun?” she said. “You’re the only one who thinks sex should be off the table, you know.”

“I know. And it’s making it extra difficult to resist you. You minx,” he growled, making her laugh. 

“I’m gonna wear you down,” she promised. 

“I have no doubt you will,” he grumbled. She would, too. He knew it. But he hoped for more time before that inevitable day arrived. And he hoped that the time they were taking now would help strengthen their bond. 

There was a knock at his bedroom door and Oliver called out a growly, “What??”

“Raisa sent me up to tell you two that dinner is ready,” Thea said. “So put your clothes back on and come down.”

Felicity snickered as she got up, going into the en suite to freshen up. Oliver scowled. “We’ll be right down.”

As he got up and went to the closet to find a clean, dry pair of pants, he heard Felicity still giggling in the bathroom. “You think it’s funny, nearly getting caught by my little sister?” he asked her. 

“Yes, I do,” she said, her voice filled with mirth. 

***

New Year’s Eve was just around the corner and Thea made it known to both of them that she wanted to spend it at Tommy’s party. The only problem with that was Tommy’s party was located at Verdant. 

“Thea,” Oliver complained. “You’re too young. There’s going to be alcohol there.”

“So I won’t drink,” she said dismissively. “Come on, Ollie, I just want to dance. Please??”

Oliver was all ready to remain firm about it, but then Felicity joined in. “We’ll be there and we can keep an eye on her,” she told him, giving him a spectacular rendition of “puppy dog eyes”. 

“Oh, hell,” he muttered. There was no way he could say no to both of them. “I don’t appreciate being tag-teamed.”

“Yes, but you do have to admit it’s amazingly effective, big brother,” Thea crowed. “Come on, Felicity, let’s go find party dresses to wear to this shindig.”

She’d stolen Felicity then, taking her up to her room to shop in Thea’s expansive closet. She had more party dresses than she could possibly wear in one lifetime and this way Felicity wouldn’t get to argue about them buying her clothes. 

Oliver was excited about New Year’s Eve too, though he was reluctant to let his sister see that. It felt like a new start for him, a new year in which to do better and be better. And he was going to have Felicity by his side. It was truly a reason to celebrate the night and he was looking forward to showing her off at Tommy’s extravagant New Year’s party. 

When the night arrived, Oliver asked John Diggle to drive them to the party. Then he waited, patiently, in the foyer for the girls to descend the stairs. At the moment, they were pushing the “fashionably late” envelope and Oliver found he was anxious to get there. 

All thoughts of parties and new years went out of his head the moment he set eyes on Felicity, however. She wore a sparkling gold dress that barely reached mid-tight and that hugged each curve that God had given her. The neckline plunged, giving him a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage (and assuring him that she was not wearing a bra with that dress). On her feet were a pair of golden strappy heels that made her legs look like they went on forever. Her hair was loose, waving loosely around her face and her eyes were accentuated with smoky makeup. 

He didn’t even notice what Thea was wearing; he couldn’t tear his eyes off of Felicity. 

“Careful, Ollie, you’ll trip on that tongue if you don’t watch it,” Thea said as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

He held out his hand to Felicity and she took it, smiling at him. “You like it?” she asked. 

“‘Like’ is such a small word,” he murmured, drinking in the sight of her still as she stood in front of him. 

“Can we go now?” Thea asked. 

“Sure,” he said, still distracted. 

Somehow, they all made it to the waiting Bentley. Thea sat up front with Diggle, claiming she didn’t want to catch cooties from the lovey dovey couple in the back seat. That made John laugh and Felicity smile. 

The party was in full swing at Verdant when they arrived. Lights were strobing out front, there was a line of people halfway around the block and the music throbbed out into the still, cold night. Diggle helped Felicity and Thea from the car and Oliver escorted both of the women inside, getting a friendly nod from the bouncer at the door as they passed. 

Inside, silver and gold sparkly decorations were everywhere. There was an amazing turnout and Oliver felt proud for his friend. The club was doing great under his care and he knew how much it meant to him. Having a club had been Tommy’s dream since they were in high school, after all. 

Speaking of the man of the hour, they found Tommy up in the VIP section and Oliver was unsurprised to find Laurel up there with him. The other couple stood as they neared. Thea had peeled off from them down on the main floor, wanting to go get a soda from the bar and do some dancing. Oliver warned her he’d be keeping an eye on her and Felicity had elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Oliver!” Tommy said as they drew near. “You’re looking good. How was your Christmas?” 

He hadn’t seen Tommy since Christmas Eve. They’d spoken on the phone but both of them had been too busy for a visit during the week. “Tommy,” he said, embracing his friend. “I wanted to apologize for last week.”

“Oliver… it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, and I’m getting your car fixed and I feel so badly for putting you in that position. And on Christmas. My head… wasn’t in the best place.” He didn’t meet Laurel’s eyes but he could feel her watching him carefully. 

“I’m just glad you seem to be feeling better,” Tommy replied, earnestly. Then, he looked to Felicity. “Is the woman who helped put you back together?”

He’d told Tommy over the phone about Felicity, giving him the same sanitized version he’d given his family about how they met and who she was. Still, he felt strange talking about her like this in front of Laurel, given how they’d last parted ways. 

“Yes, this is her. Tommy, Laurel, this is Felicity Smoak. Felicity, these are my oldest friends, Tommy Merlyn and Laurel Lance.” 

Of course, Felicity knew who each of them was but she played along, smiling and shaking their hands. Laurel looked a little stiff as she shook Felicity’s hand but mostly curious. “I’ve heard so much about you,” Felicity gushed. “Both of you. I feel like I know you already.”

“Welcome to Verdant, Felicity. My club is your club. Help yourself to anything on the menu,” Tommy said. If he noticed any tension with Laurel, he didn’t show it. 

“Thank you, I will.”

Oliver ushered them to a private table, signaling a waitress to take their order. “That went as good as I could have expected,” he murmured after he ordered a scotch for himself and wine for Felicity. 

“Give her time,” Felicity said, knowing he was talking about Laurel. “It’s only been a week and you have to admit, the timing is a little suspect.”

Oliver rolled his shoulders. “I know.”

Felicity put a hand on his knee. “Don’t feel too bad about it,” she told him. “You couldn’t help the timing or how we felt about each other once we met. She’ll get used to it. You’ll see.”

Their drinks arrived and they enjoyed them while talking and watching the other party goers. But as Felicity finished her wine, she had a request. 

“I want to dance,” she said. 

“I don’t dance,” he told her. 

“I know. Remember? I know allllll about you. But I still want you to dance with me.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “What are the chances of you letting this go.”

“Pretty much in the negatives right now. It’s New Year’s Eve, I helped save your life, let’s be honest… I deserve a dance.”

Damn, that was really hard to argue. “Fine. One dance.”

Oliver allowed himself to be pulled up and out of his seat and down to the dance floor. The atmosphere was festive and he had to admit that it was contagious. The music wasn’t even his thing, but the pulsing beat had him wanting to move to it. Felicity moved into his arms, her heels bringing her closer to him. She looped her arms around his neck and swayed, encouraging him to follow her movements. 

They moved together, almost in sync. The other dancers fell into the background and all he saw was her, luminous underneath the flashing lights, her dress glittering as she moved. She was smiling, looking so alive and so beautiful… once again Oliver thanked his lucky stars for bringing her into his life. The circumstances might not have been the best, but if ever there was a silver lining for a shitty night, she was it. 

One song became two which became three and then four… By the fourth song, they were clinging together, swaying. The temperature was rising and Felicity was watching him with hooded eyes. She pressed kisses to his neck, rubbing herself against him. 

“Felicity…” he said in her ear. “What are you doing.”

“I’m trying to seduce you. Is it working?”

“You know it is,” he said with a groan. “But we can’t leave yet.”

“Why not?” She ran a hand down between them, brushing against his hardening cock. 

Oliver sucked in a breath. “It’s not even midnight yet,” he told her. “We can’t leave before the countdown.”

“I think we can,” she said. 

“No… we can’t. Thea will want to stay,” he pointed out. 

“Oh, so _now_ you’re okay with Thea partying.” She pushed up to kiss him under his jaw. The spot was so sensitive and the feel of her lips caressing him there nearly made him go cross-eyed. 

“Felicity… I’m trying to be good here.”

“Stop being so good. I’m telling you what I want and I want you and me, alone in a room. With a bed, preferably but I can be flexible.”

_Shit_. “Okay… Okay, fine.”

Felicity’s eyes twinkled with the delight of victory as he pulled her from the dance floor. They found Thea fairly quickly, she was talking to a group of kids that looked to be about her age over at one of the tables. They were probably friends of hers from high school. 

“Thea, we’re going to leave a little early,” Oliver told her after she excused herself from the group. “Are you going to be okay here? I hate to ask you to leave early…”

“I’m doing fine,” Thea assured him. “Tommy’s here and you know he’ll keep an eye on me. You can either send Dig back to get me or I’ll get a ride with Cindy or Veronica.” She gestured towards the table full of girls. 

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Go sex up your girlfriend.” Thea winked at Felicity. Oliver felt his cheeks heat. 

He could hear Felicity laughing as he led her to the doors, waving a goodbye to Tommy who was watching from VIP section. He gestured towards his sister and Tommy nodded, giving him a thumbs up. 

Dig was waiting with the Bentley outside and he graciously opened the rear door for them to get inside. “The mansion?” he asked once he was behind the wheel. 

“Yes, please,” Oliver replied. 

Felicity remained pressed to his side for the entire ride and Oliver struggled to keep his hands off of her. He wasn’t going to ravish her in the backseat of a car with his driver just feet away. But he also couldn’t tear his sight from her legs, where the skirt of her dress was riding high on her thighs, exposing so much soft skin that it made his fingers literally itch. 

He balled them into fists and shifted in his seat. Felicity smirked at him. “Uncomfortable?”

“I’m fine,” he assured her. 

She didn’t look convinced. Rather, she looked like the cat that had gotten the cream. 

As soon as they reached the mansion, Oliver didn’t even give Dig time to shift the car into park, much less get out and open the door for them. He was already and pulling Felicity after him. 

“Good night, John!” Felicity called him as Oliver tugged her towards the door. “Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year to both of you as well!” he called after them, grinning. 

The house was empty, save for the staff. His parents had left for a trip to Vail a couple days before. With the staff either dismissed for the night or, in Raisa’s case, retired to her rooms, they could have their run of any room in the mansion that they wanted. But Oliver wanted her in his room, in his bed, with the door shut and locked. If they were doing this, he was doing it on his terms. Which meant a lot of privacy and time to do exactly what he wanted. 

Felicity eagerly followed him up to his bedroom. As soon as he had his door shut and locked, she reached behind her for the zipper at the back of her dress. Oliver watched, slack-jawed, as the dress loosened. She shifted her shoulders and the straps slipped down her arms and… the dress pooled at her feet in a heap of shimmering gold. 

Felicity stood before him, tumbled waves of golden hair, smoky blue eyes, strappy heels, impossibly tiny lacy underwear and… nothing else. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed, rooted to the spot. 

Felicity stepped out of the circle of dress at her feet and Oliver watched as she bent down, releasing the straps of her heels. She kicked them to the side and he swore every bit of saliva in his mouth had dried up, just seeing the lines of her body move as she bent and then straightened. He still couldn’t move from where he stood. 

“Are you just going to stand there?” Felicity asked, walking to him slowly. 

“I—I—“ he stuttered. Her body was everything he’d been imagining for the last week. Smooth lines leading into tantalizing curves… her nipples were stiff in the cool air of his room and he wondered, almost idly, how he didn’t already have his lips around one of them. “You’re gorgeous.”

She smiled. “I’d like to see how gorgeous you are too,” she told him. 

Oliver’s brain didn’t catch up to what her words meant until she started working at the buttons of his shirt. Felicity took her time, slipping each button through its hole, until the entire placket was undone. Then, she stuck her hands inside and touched his skin directly. Her palms smoothed over his chest as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders. Oliver fought a shiver but enjoyed the way her eyes heated as she drank in the sight of his bare chest. 

“I’d seen you like this before,” she admitted. “Pool parties, work outs… that sort of thing. But in person…” Her fingers traced his muscles, her eyes following the path of her touch. 

Before he could react fully, she was at the waistband of his trousers. Her fingers danced along the skin there and he sucked in a breath. 

“It looks like these pants are getting awfully tight,” she remarked. “Maybe we should remedy that.”

“M-maybe we should,” he said, and he had to clear his throat. Her fingers stopped at the button to his trousers and she slowly opened his pants, lowering the zip. The fabric hung from his hips loosely and all it took was a nudge to send them to the floor. 

“Oops,” she said mischievously. 

Oliver remained in his boxers before her and he knew she could see where he was hard for her already. But being self-conscious was the last thing on his mind at the moment. He quickly removed his shoes and kicked the trousers to the side. Then, he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, enjoying how her delightfully bare curves fit against the hard planes of his body as he held her close. 

“Take me to bed,” she whispered in his ear before he dove in again to kiss her, his tongue thrusting into her mouth, filling her the way he planned to fill her fully, later on. Much later. He had _plans_. 

He drew away just long enough to smile down at her. “As the lady wishes.” Then, he walked her to his large bed which waited for them in a puddle of moonlight, streaming in from the windows.

 

** To keep the story rated T, skip this next section and pick up where it says EPILOGUE **

 

Oliver set Felicity down on his bed, making sure her head was cushioned by the pillows.She stretched out, giving him a sexy smile as she did so. 

“Are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to join me?” she asked. 

“I just… You’re so beautiful…” he murmured, his eyes appreciative. “Are you sure, Felicity? We can still take this slow, I don’t want—“

Felicity sat up and tugged on his hand so he sat on the bed next to her. “Hey… what’s the matter? Talk to me.”

“I just… I’ve done some awful things in my past, Felicity,” he told her. 

“I know. I saw pretty much all of them,” she reminded him. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to ever think I’m still that guy. Not with you. I might struggle day to day with everything but I never want to be that guy with _you_. I want you to know this is more than just sex for me.”

Her eyes softened. “I do know that, Oliver,” she promised. “I know you’ve had a colorful sexual history—“

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“—But that’s all it is. History. What we have is a future,” she finished. 

His heart melted and the truth of what she was saying washed over him. “Yes, we do have a future,” he agreed. “I can’t wait to start living it with you.”

“You already are,” she replied, tugging him to her. He kissed her, pressing her back into the pillows. 

Their breaths mingled as they kissed and kissed… his hands were free to wander over the smooth expanse of her skin, touching and teasing as he felt his way down her body. He neared her underwear, his fingertip teasing at the lacy edge before moving back up towards her breasts. 

Felicity let out a little moan, arching into his touch. He released her lips and moved down, pressing kisses to her jaw, her neck, her collarbone… Then, he settled himself at her breasts, kissing around the mounds of flesh, plucking the nipples with his fingers and nuzzling the hollow between them with his nose, inhaling her scent. He let his lips trace over the swell of one breast before reaching her nipple. He kissed it gently, then gave it a lick with his tongue, flicking a little and enjoying her soft gasp. 

Her breasts were perfect, small but rounded and soft and pale and the nipples were a dusky pink, just like he’d imagined they’d be. He took one into his mouth, suckling gently on it. Felicity’s moan turned into a groan as his tongue rubbed against the stiffening, swollen flesh and her fingers grabbed at the back of his head and neck, holding him there. 

He moved to the other breast, giving it the same affectionate attention and noticed her reactions were even sharper than before. Mentally, he made a note of the more sensitive breast as he kissed down her sternum and over the gentle swell of her belly. He let his nose rim her belly button, causing her to shiver and shudder out a small laugh. 

Her hips shifted restlessly as he moved lower still, kissing over her hipbones and nosing at the edge of her panties. “Oliver…” she gasped, pleading.

“I wonder what you want,” he murmured, brushing his lips along the waistband of the panties. 

“Don’t be mean,” she chastised, but without any heat. No, her voice was breathy and hoarse and full of desire. 

“Definitely not going to be mean,” he said, pushing himself up so he could hook his fingers in the panties and draw them slowly down her legs. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

She moved her hips, allowing him to remove her panties but he noticed her breathing had sped up. “I’ve… never…”

He lifted his head, looking at her. “Never what, Felicity?”

She raised her own head, meeting his eye. “No one has ever…” she trailed off, gesturing towards where he was currently focused. 

Oliver felt keen surprise. “No one has ever gone down on you?” he asked her. 

Felicity shook her head, biting her lip. 

“Oh, baby,” he said softly. He dipped his head, pressing a gentle kiss to her mound before lifting his head again. “It’s their loss. Because I cannot wait to show you how special you are, how much I want you, how much I worship you…”

He dipped down again, nosing along the crease between her body and her thigh. He used his hands to part her legs, allowing him to settle between them. He inhaled the intoxicating scent of her arousal and it made his mouth instantly water. He brought his hands up to the top of her thighs and used his thumbs to pull open her folds and then he leaned in and licked a swipe, from her entrance to her clit. 

Oliver groaned at her taste, feeling his dick, already hard as nails, pressing into the mattress. He shifted his hips a little for some relief before he returned to his work, licking into her and gathering her essence on his tongue like it was honey. She cried out, her hips jerking and he had to pause to press one hand to her hip, holding her down. 

“You taste like heaven,” he told her, his voice throaty. 

“What…? How…. do you know… what heaven… tastes like?” she panted as he licked around her clit, avoiding it directly. 

“Well…” _lick_ “you taste amazing” _lick_ “and if heaven” _lick_ “doesn’t taste like” _lick_ “this” _lick_ “then it’s not really heaven” _lick_ “is it?”

All Felicity could do was shudder out a moan, her thighs clenching on either side of him.Oliver chuckled against her smooth, soft flesh and went back to his work. In all honesty, while he was pretty good at it, he’d never really had a specific interest in performing oral sex on women. It was always something he’d done because they’d sucked him off first and he felt he should return the favor. One time, he’d done it for Laurel because she’d asked. It was always a good move to escalate things to the next level, a really good way to get the girl writhing and panting and begging for him. 

This felt different from all of that. He was enjoying her taste, her scent, the feel and the sounds of her pleasure. It was heady and exciting and was ramping up his own arousal to dizzying heights. He couldn’t wait to push himself into her, feel her tight channel clamping down on him, feel her wet heat surrounding him… but he wasn’t going to stop doing _this_ until he had her falling apart, sobbing his name. 

He was dedicated to his work, humming against her so that the vibrations went through her, adding to the sensation. Her cries grew sharper, her breaths more labored and heavy and he knew she was close. Her thighs trembled and he doubled down, focusing on her clit. He sucked and licked and even nibbled, very gently, and she came apart, crying out his name, tears streaming down her cheeks as her release took over. He licked her through it, drinking up her juices and gentling her spasms. 

Oliver pressed a kiss to her thigh, then to her belly, as he moved up her body, pausing to wipe his chin on his arm. Felicity’s chest was heaving, her hair a tangle of gold on the pillow from where she’d been thrashing her head back and forth. Her eyes were still closed so he bent and kissed her nose. 

Her eyes fluttered open and he saw how dilated and hazy her blue eyes were as they watched him. She smiled slowly. “Wow…”

“You’re amazing,” he told her. 

“You keep saying that. Or things like it,” she said, her voice a little hoarse from shouting out. “But after that, I think you deserve the title of Most Amazing Person in this Bed.”

Oliver chuckled. “You ready for more?” he asked her. 

Felicity nodded vigorously. “Oh yes.”

He pushed up and leaned over to retrieve a condom from his bedside drawer. He’d stashed a bunch there during the last week. While they were taking it slow, he also felt it wasn’t a poor idea to be prepared. That forethought was sure coming in handy now. 

Felicity watched him as he sat back and tore open the foil package. “Those things haven’t changed much in thirty years,” she remarked. 

He removed his boxers, kicking them off, and saw how her eyes widened when she got a look at him. He took his cock in hand, getting ready to put the condom on and couldn’t resist giving her a smirk. 

“Have _these_ changed in thirty years?” he asked her, stroking his length for emphasis. 

She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. “No,” she breathed. “But I dare say that’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.”

Oliver could practically feel his ego swelling, along with his cock, as he rolled the condom onto his dick. He knew he was well endowed… he’d received numerous compliments over the years. But hearing Felicity’s awe and admiration pleased him unlike any others. 

“I promise…” he murmured as he moved over her again, fitting his legs between hers and moving his hips against hers, “…I’ll fit just fine.”

“I’m sure you will, Mr. Queen,” she replied silkily, She scratched her nails lightly down his back, making him arch against her. 

Then he growled and kissed her, letting her taste herself on his tongue. She moaned into his mouth, clutching him tighter. Reaching between them, Oliver took himself in hand and lined up with her entrance. He pushed a little, feeling her open for him and nearly lost his control right then. Felicity gasped and held on as he slowly pressed in, inch by inch. The tight, slick slide was incredible and every instinct in him was crying out for him to thrust and take and fuck… but he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that to her. As much as his body wanted to, he needed to go easy with her. 

She moaned, her head thrown back as he moved carefully in and out of her, pressing ina little more each time. He could see sweat standing out on her forehead and knew it was there on his own forehead as well. 

“You feel incredible,” he groaned, pressing his face into her neck as his hips finally met hers. “Oh god, I’m not—“ He bit off the rest of his sentence as he fought for control. It was like it was her first time. She felt so tight but so _good_. 

“Oliver,” she moaned. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“Yeah,” she breathed. “God, I forgot what this was like.”

“Good?” He knew he sounded needy but he couldn’t help himself. 

“Soooooo good,” she replied, smiling. “But I’m going to start complaining if you don’t start moving.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, smiling back. 

He began to move, his hips against hers, thrusting. It felt better than sex had ever felt for him before. Maybe it was his new perspective on life, maybe it was Felicity… maybe it was how he felt about her. Or maybe it was a combination of all those things. As he moved in her, with her, he felt his whole soul rejoicing. 

As corny as that might sound. It was true. 

He wasn’t alone in feeling this way. He could tell, the way Felicity held him, moved beneath him, the sounds she made… this was incredible for her too. And he felt proud of that, sure he did, but he also just really loved how connected this made them. He was sharing this with her and that was… that was the best thing ever. 

The bed squeaked and their panting breaths filled the silence, but all Oliver knew was her. He surrounded her just as she surrounded him. His arousal built higher and higher as he thrust harder and deeper and Felicity cried out her encouragement. As he felt his spine start to tingle, signaling his impending climax, he almost felt regret because the best sex of his life would soon be over. But then he remembered they could do this again and again and, fuck, that was the _best thing_. 

“C’mon, Felicity,” he urged. Oliver didn’t want to let go until she came one more time. “Come, baby. Let me feel you.”

“Oh! God, Oliver, I— Yes… so close!” she cried and he reached down, feeling for her clit. He rubbed against it and she responded instantly, her walls clamping down on him, squeezing his dick and as she shouted his name, Oliver groaned hers, finding his release and filling the condom with his seed as he thrust fitfully against her. 

Oliver had just enough strength left to roll to the side so he didn’t crush her underneath him. He was sweaty and spent and he felt fantastic. Now it was his turn to gasp out a strangled, “Wow.”

Felicity laughed breathlessly. “I know, huh?”

“We are _really_ good at that,” he declared. 

“We are. We should do it all the time.” 

“God, I love the way you think,” he groaned. He turned on his side to look at her. She turned to him, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “I love _you_.” 

It came out naturally. In fact, Oliver wasn’t sure he could have kept it in any longer. The love was pouring out of him whenever he looked at her. Her smile grew larger and she moved nearer so she could press a small kiss to his lips. 

“I love you, too.”

As if his heart could swell any more… Oliver pulled her closer and kissed her deeper, longer, pouring all his love into her, loving her so thoroughly. He had to draw back too soon, for the sake of oxygen, but he felt so happy he could shout from the rooftops if given another ten minutes to recover. 

“I’m going to go clean up,” he told her. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move an inch.”

“Not a problem,” she replied. “My muscles are jello.”

Oliver hurried into his en suite, disposed of the condom and did some quick cleaning up. He didn’t dawdle, wanting to be back in that bed, warm in Felicity’s embrace. When he returned, she got up for a turn in the bathroom and Oliver got the bed ready, pulling the blankets back and fluffing the pillows. He turned the lamp on his nightstand on, climbed into the bed, and waited. 

Felicity emerged a moment later, completely naked still and Oliver admired her as she approached the bed. Her cheeks were flushed pink, but he could tell it was less with embarrassment than it was satisfaction. 

She climbed into the bed next to him and he pulled the blankets over her and drew her against his side. She fit there nicely, her head pillowed on his shoulder and her legs tangled with his. 

“I meant it, you know,” she told him, her voice sleepy. “I love you.”

“I meant it, too,” he replied. “I love you so much.”

“Happy New Year,” she told him. 

And it really was. It was the best of all happy new years. 

 

_Epilogue - 5 years later_

“What are you doing?” 

Oliver turned from where he stood to see his wife approach, her belly just starting to swell under the nightgown. Felicity’s feet were bare against the hardwood floor and he bit back a comment about her putting on some socks or slippers to keep her feet warm. 

“I just… was watching him,” Oliver admitted, nodding inside the room he stood just outside of. 

She smiled indulgently, slipping under his arm and putting hers around his waist. She looked into the darkened room where their toddler, little Robert, was currently sleeping. “Big day for the little guy, huh?”

“Mmmhmm. A lot of family. That can be overwhelming for a little two year old,” he agreed. 

“He really did enjoy rough-housing with Roy though,” Felicity said. “That was pretty cute.”

Oliver grunted and Felicity elbowed him. “What?” he said in a loud whisper. 

“Be nice. It’s been four years since Thea first brought him home for Christmas. I think its time you admit he’s not going anywhere.”

Oliver just shrugged. He wasn’t going to admit anything. 

“Well, I like him. He makes Thea happy and he’s a good guy.”

“If you say so.” He wasn’t sure any guy would ever be good enough for his baby sister. 

“I bet you $20 that they’re engaged by next Christmas,” Felicity predicted. 

“Don’t say things like that. You’ll speak it into existence.”

“Afraid to take my wager?” she asked. 

“Never. You’re on, Mrs. Queen.”

“Oh, don’t call me that. That’s your mother.”

“It’s you, too,” he said, bending to kiss her sweetly. 

They’d been married for three and a half years now. Just like they’d once seen in a vision, they’d gotten engaged on Christmas even four years before. It was difficult waiting that year but they’d also enjoyed just being a dating couple during that year. The consequence was that neither of them was much interested in a long engagement after that. Their wedding was the following June and they held it out in the gardens at the Queen mansion, a place that was special to both of them. 

After the honeymoon, they’d moved into their house, where they currently lived. The timing was good; Felicity learned she was pregnant just a few months later and Robert Noah Queen had been born the following August. 

And now she was pregnant again, nearly 18 weeks along. She kept telling him this one was a girl. Oliver wasn’t so sure but she’d been right about Robbie being a boy so he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

They stood in the doorway, watching their oldest child sleep peacefully. It was a miracle that he’d gotten to sleep at all given all the excitement about Christmas. The presents were all under the tree, waiting for him when he woke up in the morning. Probably before sunrise but that was down more to his sleep schedule than any specific Christmas excitement. He was just starting to understand what Christmas was, didn’t fully comprehend the whole Santa thing, but he knew the adults were excited. So he was excited too. 

“Do you ever regret what you did?” Oliver asked. He’d thought a lot about asking her this, unsure if he should. But he was curious. 

“What do you mean?” she asked. 

“Giving up heaven to be with me.”

“I didn’t _just_ give it up for you,” she reminded him. “I wanted a life. And I’ve got one.”

She sure did. Felicity worked at Queen Consolidated these days, the Vice President of Information Technology and she also worked closely with Applied Sciences on new developments. She was a wiz in the lab, behind a computer and at the company. She had a way with people, of course. Oliver had taken over as CEO around the time they’d gotten married, giving his parents a chance to enjoy retirement and travel together. With he and Felicity essentially running things at QC nowadays, the local media liked to herald them as Starling’s New Royal Couple (or so the headlines regularly proclaimed). It was more or less true.

“I never regret a single moment,” Felicity continued, smiling at him fondly. 

“Thank you for letting me finally see the kind of man I could be,” he told her. 

She shook her head, grinning. He thanked her for this every time he could, which was pretty often. “It was my pleasure,” she answered honestly. 

Together, they shut the door on their child’s room and went downstairs together to sip some cocoa and sit next to the fire, watching the snow swirl outside. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are appreciated, comments are adored. <3
> 
> Catch me on [tumblr](http://callistawolf.tumblr.com) or on [twitter](http://twitter.com/callistawolf)!


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